The boys review everything ever made. Well, the stuff that they want to watch, that’s good, and available. Whatever, they also watch lots of TV and yell at each other about things that don’t matter.
This column will introduce you to the most popular movies that are coming out in theaters this weekend and why you should go see them. Which one will you see?
The BFG
Reasons to see this:
No, BFG does not stand for Big F**kin Giant. Well, I guess it could. It stands for Big Friendly Giant. BFG is based on the book by, Roald Dahl. For those of you who do not know who he is; he has written Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Matilda, and James and the Giant Peach to name a few. BFG is about a young girl who befriends a big friendly giant. Mark Rylance lends his voice and motion capture for the BFG. Also starring is, Rebecca Hall, Bill Hader, and Jermaine Clement. Steven Spielberg returns to the fantasy genre to direct. Go see a big f***kin giant this weekend.
The Legend of Tarzan
Reasons to see this:
Didn’t get your jungle fix with the Jungle Book, well come on back to the forest this weekend to see The Legend of Tarzan. Apparently Tarzan and Jane are married and have been living in London. This is news to me. Tarzan and his wife return to the forest, due to some shenanigans going on at the mining camp. Alexander Skarsgård plays Tarzan and Margot Robbie plays Jane. Other cast members include: Samuel Jackson, Christoph Waltz, and Djimon Hounsou. The director is David Yates who has directed Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Half-Blood Prince, Deathly Hallows: Part 1 & 2, and the upcoming Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Double BMFML director points for Yates. Swing into theaters to see Tarzan.
Our Kind of Traitor
Reasons to see this:
Where’s Jim Law when I need him? Ok, everyone imagine that he says “Ewan McGregor.” Perfect. McGregor and Naomi Harris(Spectre, 28 Days Later) are an ordinary couple who cross paths with a man named Dima. Dima is a member of the Russian mafia, who is played by Stellan Skarsgård. Dima asks them for their help or else Dimas family will be killed, which then tangles the couple in a web of espionage. Damian Lewis(Homeland) also stars in this thriller. The director is Susanna White, who has directed only 1 episode for Boardwalk Empire, Masters of Sex, Billions, and more. Is this your kind of movie? Then go see Our Kind of Traitor.
The Purge: Election Year
Reasons to see this:
The Purge: Part 3. Frank Grillo returns as Sergeant, who is now head of security for Charlene Roan. Roan, played by Elizabeth Mitchell(LOST) is running for President, and wants to eradicate the Purge. James DeMonaco, who has directed the prior Purge flicks, takes the wheel as director again. So, if you are in the mood for some action, suspense, and a 12 hour period in which all crime is legal, then vote for Purge. Peeeerrrrggggeee
THE PURGE had all the makings of a good film. It was all right there for them to knock this out of the park. And then everything sucked cock. Law and Moreno sit down and watch this disaster with a few beers and try to figure out where it all went wrong. We deal with things such as what celebrity we would visit if the Purge was real. What if the Purge was just tickling – this changes our celebrity answers drastically. Where the hell does the daughter go for 95% of this film? And then we just scream “WHY!!!!!!!!” at the screen over and over until we’re both crying. It was fun.
Be sure to enter our THE PURGE ANARCHY contest RIGHT HERE and go see the film this weekend. It has to be better than this. Right?
It’s The Purge week here at BingeMedia.net, as we have our commentary for The Purge coming out tomorrow and now we have a chance for your to win a prize pack for The Purge: Anarchy, which hits theaters this Friday 7/18.
Below are 5 Things To Know Before You Watch The Purge: Anarchy and you can move your mouse over each interactive GIF to control the scene.
So how do you win? Tell us how you would stay safe and survive if The Purge actually happened. Do you build a panic room? Stockpile of guns? Robot German Shepherds that patrol the perimeter? Let us know by commenting below or emailing admin@bingemedia.net. The best answer wins!
Here’s what’s included in The Purge: Anarchy Prize Pack
– The Purge: Anarchy Promo T-shirt (size L) – The Purge: Anarchy Promo Flashlight
Good luck!
Contest open to U.S. only.
Each household is only eligible to win One (1) Purge Prize Pack via blog reviews and giveaways. Only one entrant per mailing address per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you will not be eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.
Congratulations to Germany for winning the 2014 World Cup. I’m not a soccer aficionado, never claim to be and the only match I watched was the championship match, but I do respect its place as the most popular world sport…..in the world. I like any world event that brings humans from all different backgrounds together. Case in point, my 2014 World Cup experience. I watched the final match in a place you’d never think to watch a worldwide event: a gay bar. My chick, myself and a couple of our friends went to a place called Granville Anvil (or just The Anvil) where the only things straight were me, my chick and the vodka drinks we ordered. Watching the World Cup with gay dudes was less about the game and more about their uniforms and how the teams fit in said uniforms. While the games being played, two smart phones are pulled out with one looking at the Argentina team and the other with the Germany team. Comments were made such as, “he’s too Aryan looking”, “soccer players only date other soccer players,” and a Germany player being discounted because his name had “too many consonants”. As Germany kicked what would be the winning goal, I loaded up the jukebox with Prince, Mariah Carey, Elton John and Whitney Houston songs. I know my audience. This wound up getting us free shots since it had the whole bar rocking. I’m available for gigs.
Also, there was a goddamn dog running up and down the bar. It looks like I’m choking it.
The Purge Commentary
We’ve been threatening to do a commentary for The Purge since our initial viewing of that stanky shitfest. Well, this weekend, after recording The BingeCast and ingesting many beverages, Jim Law and myself finally got down to business. Wow. The movie is even worse than I remembered. We actually went into the movie to try to constructively critique the movie and see how we could make it better. Only the movie got us really angry. I can’t remember a movie that infuriated me so much that I actually came out on the other side of the anger spectrum and suggested that the actual “purge” event in the movie shouldn’t be killing people, it should be tickling people. I was so pissed that the ONLY thing that could save this movie for me, was tickling. So if you replace every kill scene with tickling, The Purge actually turns out to be a damn fine film. It also replaces the questions we had earlier in the film, such as “who’s the first famous person you’d kill” and turning it into, “what famous person would you tickle?” Suffice to say, The Purge Commentary is another great commentary addition to the Binge Media repertoire and I couldn’t be prouder. Look for it this week.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
I’m really encouraged by the box office successof Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. The movie will likely make its $170M production budget back, and SHOULD show Hollywood that summer movies don’t have to be big, dumb action movies with little in the way of story and character development. Summer is the worst time of year for me to see movies, because I just can’t get down with the whole box office blockbuster movie scene. It’s just not my style, if you like it, great. But just because I don’t dig them, doesn’t mean I feel that I’m above it. Dawn is a smart, well developed film with themes of family, love and trust; themes that everyone, even apes, can relate to. Please go out and support Dawn, as it (hopefully) helps encourage Hollywood that we don’t need ANOTHER Transformers, or some other cartoon property from our childhoods, to sink our teeth into. Show Hollywood that it’s possible for studios to deliver a smart, fun, entertaining action movie that isn’t just about blowing shit up and killing things. Show them that audiences are more than meets the eye. Sorry.
Hangover Cures
Seeing that everyone is physiologically different, hangover cures run the spectrum. I know Kupka likes to fart and eat Big Macs to cure a hangover, Jim Law likes to fart and eat Tim Horton’s, and Ammon likes to fart and get massages by Bigfoot. For me though, when I’m nursing a mad hangover, hydration is my cure. That and tacos. I can’t get enough water and tacos in my face area when I’m hanging. Breakfast sandwiches still work, the greasier the better. If a place serves burgers in the morning, sign me the fuck up. Gatorade used to be an old stand by, but the sugar just gives me a stomachache. I feel like if water was good enough for our ancestors to cure a hangover, it’s good enough for me. Same thing goes for tacos. Our ancestors loved tacos.
It’s time to get our Marry/Fuck/Kill on again. This time we focus on the 90s and have little problem making our choices. In fact, Moreno (the Mexican) chooses one woman for all three. His explanation is priceless.
We also have a shit-ton of reviews for your listening pleasure. Let’s take a look at ODD THOMAS, THE PURGE, THE CALL, RED DAWN, and 42. Speaking of The Purge, there have been very few movies we hated more than this garbage. We tear through all it’s problems and offer up how this film was almost great. And by “almost” we mean never had a chance in hell.
There’s one brand new Google Voice transcription, a couple new sounders and look ahead to what to expect form our INDEPENDENCE DAY commentary later this week. Stay tuned!
I’m not saying that everything bad that happens in THE PURGE is Charlie’s (Max Burkholder) fault…….. Hold on, that’s exactly what I’m saying. When there’s an annual night of murder and mayhem, when everybody in the country is allowed to go out and kill, burn, destroy, and pillage as they please – don’t open the door for the scary bleeding man running down the street. Should this even have to be said? Is there a person on the planet that doesn’t understand this concept? Charlie doesn’t understand fuck all. He sits in his blacked-out bedroom as he controls his remote control baby doll throughout the house. Seriously, this is how he interacts with his family. This is how he watches television. It’s a whole new level of lazy asshole teenager. And when the homeless man comes into the house and all hell breaks loose, his mom asks “Are you okay, honey?” No, Mom, you twat, your kid is a fucking idiot. There’s roughly twelve people dead in your living room because you raised the dumbest cock on the planet. And to think they could of killed this little shit for free that night. Oops, gun slipped and shot Charlie in the face six times. My bad.
If Charlie was in a boat he’d drill a hole in the bottom to let the fish come aboard. If Charlie was in a plane he’d open a window to let the birds rest their wings. If Charlie was in a terrible movie he’d do something idiotic just to see if he could make it worse. Well done, Charlie.
Our buddy, and long time podcast supporter, Darren Goodfellow sent us this early look at THE PURGE.
A family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legalized.
In the near future, America has been overrun with crime and it’s prisons have reached breaking point. Realizing that the status quo cannot continue, the government initiates The Purge, an annual twelve-hour period where all crime is legalized and no law enforcement services will be provided. Anything – up to and including murder – goes. Miraculously, The Purge, is successful and the citizenry quickly embraces it, leading to a picture perfect society for 364 days of the year.
As set ups go, you have to admit, ‘The Purge’ has a strong one. Directed by James DeMonaco (writer and co-producer of the ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ remake) and starring Ethan Hawke, ‘The Purge’ is a dystopian home invasion film that sadly squanders it’s interesting set up in lieu of tired jump scares, scary* masks and routine death scenes.
Hawke stars as James Sandin, a security systems specialist who has used The Purge to become very wealthy, selling state of the art home security to those who wish to sit out The Purge without getting all murdery or being all murdered. This is the plan for Hawke’s family too; one which goes awry when his teenage daughter (Adelaide Kane) has a crisis of conscience and allows a stranger into their home**, a stranger who is being hunted by a gang of masked killers. When the gang track him to the Sandin house they offer the family a choice; give up the stranger or be killed themselves when the gang gain entry.
What follows is a very quick (85 minute runtime!) home invasion horror film where the barest of lip service is paid to the big ideas that the film has set up. Do you doubt for a second that the family refuse to give up the man? Of course you don’t. Do you doubt for a second that the gang gains entry to the house? Of course you don’t. You know all this going in; what you have to hope for is that the film will present it all in an entertaining manner. Unfortunately, ‘The Purge’ does not.
The Good?
Hawke is, as always, a solid lead and his natural – and I genuinely don’t want to cause the man any offence – air of being weasley lends itself well to the role of a man who profits from other’s death and fear. Lena Heady is a good but if I had one gripe it would be that she wasn’t give enough to do. Heady has proven time and again that she is one of the best badass actresses working today (if you aren’t watching ‘Game Of Thrones’ then stop reading this, idiot and go see her in that, she’s AMAZING – oh, also ‘Dredd’, chump) and going in I thought she’d be provided with at least one great, badass moment but apart from some so-so fisticuffs and a lot of gunplay, her character is a bit of a limp noodle. The kids are both fine too, never overselling the situation, which I often find is the downfall of child actors.
Kudos also has to go to Cinematographer Jacques Jouffret, who managed to make the Sandin house look like a truly awful place to live in, never mind be trapped in. It was also nice to see a horror film that did not have every frame saturated in darkness simply to wring “where will the baddie jump from next?” tension out of a scene where a character walks slowly down a hallway.
The Bad?
The worst thing in this film – apart from any real scares or tension of course – is Rhys Wakefield as the leader of the gang that invades the Sandin house. I don’t know what film this guy thought he was acting in but he is so over the top, so pantomime that he verges on the comedic. Maybe it’s because I’m from Scotland that his whole “Polite Psychopath” didn’t fly, I don’t know. Maybe he’ll be better received in the U.S or abroad but at my screening there were flat out giggles when he was on-screen and trust me, people weren’t laughing with him. I can’t imagine what Hawke and the rest were thinking when he launched into this routine in front of them.
It’s not all his fault of course, he’s only an actor after all. So blame has to lie with Screenwriter and Director, James DeMonaco, who is very much from the “Tell, don’t Show” school of filmmaking. In case you are dead or dim, he gives Wakefield an especially on-the-nose speech about “killing Have-nots, rather than the Haves”, so that the films message on the effects of social inequality doesn’t pass you by.
Also, consider that it’s stated over and over that literally all crimes are legalised I expected a lot more in the gore/kills department. There was an opportunity here to go over the top and at least redeem some horror cred from the SFX or makeup work but it never materialised with most of the kills being quite tame.
The Ugly?
Hawke’s son is presented as the usual Hollywood-misunderstood-tech-genius type kid, for one reason and one reason only; so he can have a creepy, radio controlled camera inside a burned doll. Ignoring the fact that that is creepy as hell in itself, this is done solely so DeMonaco can include some “found footage” style shots. Sadly, like most of the other scares in the film, it fails to deliver. Personally, if I was living in a society where I could be murdered one night with no questions asked and my kid was hanging around in his room talking to a remote controlled camera doll, I’d be sleeping with one eye open and never mind the crazies outside the house.
Overall, ‘The Purge’ is not a bad film but it’s far from a good one. As a horror film it fails to deliver and as a warped “What if?” film, it fails to capitalize on its set up.
*In an age where you can have a villain wear a woman’s face turned inside out as a mask (Hello, American Horror Story: Asylum!) on TV, you really need to up the game on your “scary” masks in horror films. These guys look like they’ve picked up their masks in the craft aisle of Costco.
**Hey Ethan Hawke, Security Specialist! I don’t know why you’ve installed a GIANT RED ‘DEACTIVATE SECURITY’ button in your house but maybe, just maybe consider turning it off on the ONE NIGHT A YEAR when you don’t want stabby people getting in your house. Just a thought.
The older I get, the less fucks I give about big budget, summer box office movies. I suppose my tolerance for shiny things wanes over the years, but I did manage to find seven flicks I’m genuinely excited for this summer. It’s an odd mix, but so is the movie industry these days. Here we go!
1. Star Trek Into Darkness – May 17
Wasn’t a huge fan of Star Trek growing up, all I knew was that I didn’t want creepy crawly things being put in my ears, even if I screamed “no”. After seeing what JJ Abrahms did with 2009’s Star Trek “reimagining” and how it seemed to please both new fans and old (generally), I couldn’t wait for the sequel. But is it too much too ask that Leonard Nimoy return ONLY to hear him speak over his dentures? Could be my favorite part of the first movie. “I have been and ssshhall alwayssshh be…your friendssh.”
2. After Earth – May 31
Don’t get me wrong, I know this looks like a piece of shit. The only reason why this is on the list is because my intrigue level as to see how much of a piece of shit it actually is is off the charts. After Earth, or as I like to call it “Hollywood’s Most Expensive Home Movie Ever,” looks to be the perfect storm of horseshit. You have Lil Smith, who I’d be surprised to see actually had fans, special effects right off the green screen from Jurassic Park and Avatar, and the topper, M. Night Shyamalan. Could this be M. Night’s last shot as a director?
3. The Purge – June 7
Chalk this up to the intrigue factor. Having seen this trailer before The Evil Dead, I was completely sold on The Purge’s concept: With unemployment down to 1% and crime down at an all time low, the U.S. government has instituted a 12 hour period in which any crime up to murder is completely legal. What’d I tell you, SOLD, bitch! Now, this could completely turn out to be a stinking bag of elephant shit, but as it stands, I’m there.
4. This is The End– June 12
You had me at, “Hermoine stole all of our shit!”
5. Pacific Rim – July 12
As mentioned earlier, I don’t usually come out for the big budget action set piece films, but there are two things selling me here: 1. Guillermo del Toro and 2. Giant things beating the fuck out of each other. You add in Jax from Sons of Anarchy, Stringer Bell from The Wire, Charlie Day, and El Chingon himself, Clifton Collins Jr., then you have my money. Take it!
6. Kick-Ass 2 – August 16
Kick-Ass was such a nice surprise for me in 2010. I like my comic book movies peppered with a healthy dose of realism, i.e., violent as all hell. Plus, when a little girl says “cunt”, it makes me laugh. I’m particularly intrigued by the casting of Jim Carrey who’s been hit or miss for me the past decade.
7. World’s End – August 23
This is another instance when the cast and/or director have me at hello. When those principals involved Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright, I’m liable to start blowing someone to see the film pronto. When the mission of the characters involved is to drink at a pub, you’re a film after my own heart.