the breakfast club

Part I of this column is located here.

A couple of days ago, I started a column having every intention of making it one post talking about ten movies. 5 films and 1500 words later, it became very apparent that it would be a good idea to split it up into two separate blog posts. So here we are at the second and final part, and I feel I am going to have even more to say about the movies being discussed here. So without any further ado, here are the final five movies which seem to have flown over the heads of executives looking to capitalize on our modern nostalgic culture.

 

6) The Breakfast Club

Shockingly, The Breakfast Club‘s original writer/director John Hughes was toying with the idea of bringing arguably his best film both to the stage and before modern film cameras all the way up to the day he died in 2009. While Hughes consistently wrote his entire career, he would never reach the heights he had ascended in 1990, when his hit script Home Alone was brought to screens by director Chris Columbus. Still, Hughes’s 80s teen comedy heyday is what he will be remembered for most. And 1985’s The Breakfast Club, the third film he released that year (after Weird Science and Sixteen Candles) was the biggest cultural impact film he ever did, catapulting music group Simple Minds into the fifteen minute mainstream and showcasing five parts of a group of actors one newspaper writer would famously label The Brat Pack onscreen.

Since Hughes’s death, talk of a possible remake rapidly went from mumblings to a whisper. A script by Lizzy Weiss (Blue Crush), which would have moved the group of introverts from a detention classroom to Chicago’s O’Hara Airport was briefly considered and subsequently never made. Something tells me, despite the vocal objections by original cast members Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy, we are going to see the movie updated in our lifetime. Imagine for a minute a Lady GaGa wannabe stuck with a football player who uses steroids at his coach’s insistence, a Dungeons & Dragons master who was caught with a gun, a school bully who has taken many people’s phones, and a silent type who makes up her entire life on social media. Don’t put it past Hollyweird.

 

7) The Terminator

Yes, I know there is a brand new Ah-nold starring Terminator film coming out this summer. And judging from the trailers released, there are more than a few things in it which could classify it as a remake (teaching him to smile?! Really??) But imagine for a second Terminator: Genisys completely flopping and starved movie executives deciding that they should have just remade the first one instead. I have said in the past that in a lot of ways, I find the first Terminator film to be the most enjoyable of the entire series. It was essentially a science fiction film rooted in the slasher genre. I may be hung by my ankles for saying this, but I feel a whole new take on the original Terminator using a modern aesthetic, could be great.

Then again, they have taken the franchise to TV, given it to McG, and now made a film which has been called a combination of a remake AND reboot. This is the type of film that makes me understand the outcry against remakes, because not even the film’s makers can clear up what exactly their movie is. So while I hope Genisys is fantastic, part of me kind of wishes if they were going to scrape the well, just start all over. Then again, if they had done that, they wouldn’t have been able to bring Schwarzeneggar aboard. All the pieces are kind of fitting together as I write about what a reboot could have meant for the series.

 

8) The Creature From The Black Lagoon

This one has one of the most complicated remake histories ever seen. And we still haven’t seen him return to the screen. No, The Monster Squad does NOT count. From writing strikes to poor receptions to films before it, there have been many, MANY ways this train has been derailed. Originally released in 3D, the 1954 film featured an amphibious Gill Man terrorizing a series of people in the Amazon.

Beginning in 1982 and ending in 2009, here is a list of talented directors who have at one time or another been attached to do the remake: John Landis, John Carpenter, Peter Jackson, Guillermo Del Toro, and Breck Eisner (2009’s The Crazies remake). Eisner’s version was in full swing throughout the mid to late 2000s, and then Benicio Del Toro’s The Wolfman came and went with a whimper in 2009, making executives get cold feet about funding another retelling of a classic Universal monster. Still, Hollywood has not given up. Gary Ross (The Hunger Games) is developing the movie now with the recently announced attachment of none other than constantly working Scarlett Johansson, who is set to play the role originated in 1954 by Julie Adams. With a name like Johansson attached, the likelihood of the Gill Man’s return seems more possible than ever.

 

9) The Gate

Here is one I have clashed with fellow Binge Aftertaste host Jason Morris over. I hate The Gate. I have never liked The Gate. I think the movie is ridiculous without being entertaining. To put it simply, The Gate is a mess. All that being said, there is a huge contingent (Jason included) who love The Gate. The original film told the story of a boy (Stephen Dorff) who plays a heavy metal record which unleashes spirits that were buried in his backyard.

In 2009, Alex Winter (Bill from Bill & Ted) was attached to direct a remake of The Gate with the one and only H.R Giger hired to do the creature concepts. As of 2013, there has been no word on the film’s progress or if it will ever get made. If you ask me, I hope this Gate stays locked up for good.

 

10) Swamp Thing

In 1982, two years before he unleashed the first A Nightmare on Elm Street and kickstarted New Line Cinema toward the ranks of high echelon studios, director Wes Craven wrote and directed this hideous film adaptation of the DC comic book character Swamp Thing. Ignoring the potential campiness of the subject matter and instead taking it as serious as Nolan took Batman, Craven proved for not the last time that screenwriting is not his forte, and Swamp Thing sank faster than the Titanic at the box office. Seven years later, King of Schlock filmmaker Jim Wynorski took the director’s chair, bringing back original Swamp Thing actor Dick Durock and casting a young Heather Locklear in a film which is more entertaining than the first one. But that is about as big an honor as being the nicest guy in prison, and 1989’s The Return of Swamp Thing did not fare much better than its predecessor.

USA Network ran a Swamp Thing show -also starring Durock- from 1990 to 1993. But in this day and age of comic book film fever, it would seem to be astonishing that greedy studios have not pounced on the potential of bringing another character from the page into their cinematic universes. However, I then start thinking about how awful a premise Swamp Thing is, and realize there is hardly any potential whatsoever. Even so, that has not stopped people from trying. Most recently, uber-producer Joel Silver revealed plans in 2009 to produce and release a 3D remake of the original film, which was to be written by Batman & Robin writer Akiva Goldsman and helmed by Splice director Vincenzo Natali. But as of 2011, Natali moved on to other projects and the project was put on hold. However, given the character has made appearances in comics such as Dark Knight Returns #1, I cannot see them keeping the character in the swamps too much longer.

 

There you have it. What films were here that you think shouldn’t be? What film DON’T you want attached to the word ‘remake?’ Let us know!