Monday Morning Moreno – 9/8/14
You may have heard on this week’s podcast that I was a drunk asshole. Sorry, that’s not with this is about. But since we’re on the subject, fuck off. I do what I want. During our “What Did You Watch This Week?” segment, I mentioned that I revisited Lethal Weapon and considered it to be one of my top 20 movies ever. Shane Black’s 80s run spoke to me as a young kid; it’s what I wanted to do when I grew up. Hang out with my buddies and kick some ass while spitting one liners.
There was one particular scene that led to this upcoming fight. It’s the first goddamn scene Riggs is in. His hair? Is CUH-RAZY. Was it Mel Gibson’s choice as an actor for his hair to represent his erratic psychological state? That led me to thinking about the late great Patrick Swayze and his penchant for the sporting ol’ Moose Head. Not only would this be a battle for The Moose Head title, but these guys actually match up pretty well in a fight. Let’s go to the tale of the tape:
Profession
Martin Riggs is an L.A. homicide detective, and a bit of a loose cannon. His work product seems to be overshadowed by his psychological issues. He’s a good cop, but if you’re his boss, you pay the price for his behavior. Dalton is an NYU graduate who majored in philosophy and has found his life’s balance in “cooling”. He’s great at what he does, so much so that bar owners will recruit and pay an advance for his services. If you’re a bar owner with ideas of how Dalton should do his job, Dalton tells you up front, “It’s my way, or the highway.” Dalton seems to not let his emotions get in the way of handling his business, while Riggs can’t help but let his emotions get involved. I personally give the edge to Dalton here. A Moose Head has to be the best in the business.
Fighty Fighty
Riggs is an ex-special forces, Vietnam Vet who’s main job was that of an assassin. Which means he is NOT fucking around. Dalton learned the way of the fist from the right hand of Wade Garrett. He’s practiced in the “shirtless, wavy army by the pond” arts. He can take on a bar full of rowdy hicks and also rip out your motherfucking throat if he wants. Which means jack shit when a 60 year old Brad Wesley gets way more licks in than he should at the climax of Road House. Riggs was tortured via electric shock, ran 8.9 miles to fight in the street with Gary Busey. During Christmas time. Edge goes to Riggs. King Moose Head never gives up.
Love Life
Why is this a criteria in the Battle of the Moose Heads? Because I used to have a moose head, and I love the ladies. I’ll also fuck you up. We see Riggs’ “game” in Lethal Weapon 2 when he romances Patsy Kensit in the grocery store. This ultimately gets her killed. He then falls head over heels for Rene Russo. That works out. Pussy seems to throw itself at Dalton. Again, he and I have that in common. Because of this, Dalton is selective in this department. He also tends to have an attraction towards women who are either already in relationships or are attached to someone powerful, like Brad Wesley. Bad move. Still have to give the edge to Dalton. Riggs’ is 1 for 3 in this department. Though one of the deaths wasn’t his fault, bad luck seems to follow ol’ moosy moose head. Top Moose Heads keep their shit tight.
Psychological State
Anyone who follows combat sports knows the psychological aspect of a fight is nearly half the game. When you’re down, do you give up or, as Balboa says, “go for it”? We talked a little bit about the psychological state earlier, but let’s get down to it. Riggs’ was probably a straight shooter, a damn good cop and human being but the death of his wife in a drunk driving accident broke him. Early on, we see him contemplate suicide and he tells Murtagh he often thinks about it; even has a hollow point bullet for the occasion. Dalton once had a relationship with a woman who didn’t tell him that she was married (natch). Facing a gun, Dalton ripped this motherfucking throat out, haunting moose head until we meet him in the movie. It’s always there under the surface, and a big part of why he plays everything cool: to not kill again. He holds onto it so much, Wade Garrett tells him to let it the fuck go. But once Garrett bites it, all bets are off. This one is a wash for me. Both are holding onto too much.