The owner of a mannequin shop develops a dangerous obsession with a young artist.
I don’t know about you guys but when someone says Elijah Wood to me I think of two things; first, I see his big, shovel-shaped face in close up, screaming “SSAAAAAAAAAMM!” at me. Second, I think of that little kid in ‘Back To The Future Part II’ who burns Marty McFly for playing with a baby’s toy. What I don’t think about is John Carpenter-style synths, a Los Angeles that looks like it’s been tipped into the mouth of Hell and a killer who is making people have a very bad hair day. Well, I never used to think of that but then I watched ‘Maniac’. Now? Well, I’m never gonna look at ‘North’ the same way again, that’s for sure.
The opening six minutes of ‘Maniac’ (which were released as an extended trailer for the film ahead of it’s European debut and which you can view below) set the tone for the film.Consisting of a man stalking a woman at the end of a night out with her friend, it’s shot entirely from his P.O.V, bringing you disturbing close to the man. He chuckles to himself as he trails after his target in his car, taking pleasure in her obvious discomfort. When he starts to pull away, your relief is quickly soured when he whispers that he’ll see her at home. What he does when she gets there is jaw-droppingly shocking.
The majority of the film is told from the killer’s P.O.V, which is not a new technique but it is hard to think of a film that has used it to such unsettling effect. In recent memory only ‘Jack Reacher’ comes close with it’s P.O.V selecting of a sniper’s victims but here, with Wood’s heavy breathing and scarred hands dominating the frame as it closes on an unsuspecting woman, it feels all the worse because his crimes are committed up close, with a knife. When the blood flows and life leaves the victims eyes, it’s your eyes they are staring into.
Wood plays Frank, a mannequin restorer with some serious Mommy issues who has descended into madness and has embarked on a very unique killing spree. Wood’s performance is a million miles away from the ninja-like serial killer he played in ‘Sin City’. Frank is not a powerful, cartoon-like menace; he is real and pathetic and vulnerable. He is also very, very dangerous. The plot, slim though it is, revolves around Wood’s chance at a normal life with a woman who doesn’t seem to be repulsed by his junkie-like appearance, his fly-ridden workshop or his brillo-scrubbed hands. Given to flights of romantic fancy, Frank yearns for a normal life, free from the trauma of his past – which we get to see over the course of the film and damn, is it nasty – but who is trapped by his own dark compulsions.
It’s worth noting that the killings in this film are extremely graphic, each one more shocking than the last. I actually found it difficult to watch the third killing, given the circumstances in which it takes place and I am not in the least squeamish when it comes to horror films, usually. I do have to give props to the practical effects used in the film for that very reason though. They made me feel like throwing up which, I suppose, is a good thing for the FX guys, right? You made me sick, FX guys! Good job!
Overall, ‘Maniac’ is a deeply upsetting and nasty piece of cinema, with an unique look at the serial killer/slasher genre. It is a remake of course, of ‘Maniac’ (1980)http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081114/ and follows much of the same plot but where that film had a dark, feral intensity, this film feels like a fever dream, like a nightmare you’d have while home with the flu.
There’s also a sex scene which is soundtracked by ‘Goodbye, Horses’ by Q Lazarus – the Buffalo Bill ‘Tuck and Dance’ song from ‘The Silence of the Lambs’, just in case you don’t think this is messed up enough.
Watch the first six minutes of the film here and prepare to wash that Hobbit right out of your hair.
Google Voice is fucking with us at this point. They have to be. And just so you don’t think we’re exaggerating how useless they are I’ve included the pic below that displays one of our recent messages.
After that ridiculousness, Law and Moreno preview this week’s TV Round-Up Binge Cast by discussing the relation between the book and season one of Game of Thrones, now that Law has started the former.
Then Moreno goes on a review barrage with his thoughts on BEHIND THE CANDELABRA, STOKER, and BUTTER.
Stay tuned this week as we take a look back on the entire third season of Game of Thrones and compare the book to the small screen on this week’s TV Round-Up Binge Cast.
How do you catch a killer hiding in plain sight? Authorities in Belfast are stumped after a string of murders, and enlist Gibson, an expert in criminal psychology, to crack the case.
If you like your television dark with a side of grief, welcome to heaven. The Fall, which premiered in Ireland on RTÈ ONE on May 12, 2013, brings boatloads of woeful depression. Murder? Check. The death of children? Check. Police corruption? Check. Impossibly sullen looks from Gillian Anderson that make you want to make sweet love to her and run away screaming at the same time? Checkity check. And here’s the absolute truth about this show – besides Game of Thrones, it was the best thing on television for the last month.
I was ready to declare this in a tweet, or a Facebook post, or something of the like in the next few minutes. Then I realized it was finished. Completely pulled from my life as quickly as I discovered it. Five episodes in and I was ready to recommend it to the masses to fill the void of Stark family torment. But that was all there was. Five fantastically chilling episodes. You can catch it on Netflix if you’re in the right country and I suggest you do so now.
The Fall follows two main characters through the streets of Belfast, Northern Ireland – Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson (Gillian Anderson) of the Metropolitan Police and serial killer, Paul Spector (Jamie Dornan). Both are superb. Anderson nails the no-nonsense-female-with-power-super-detective. She approaches her cases much like her men, with long absorbing stares. There’s as much concentration at a crime scene as there is when she’s handing out her number to a random acquaintance for a late-night mount. Dornan might be even more fascinating to watch. A bereavement counselor by day and a fake suicide hotline operator by night, Spector runs wild through the streets looking for some very specific victims. His methods are riveting. It’s easy to become obsessed with how he juggles it all, a wife and two children at home, a horny babysitter asking to get dead, and the planning and execution of his “special dates”. The two characters barely interact during the season but when they do it’s got the feel of Luke Skywalker facing Darth Vader for the first time. Over the phone.
The rest of the cast is great also. This includes the beloved Archie Panjabi, of ‘The Good Wife’ and ‘Bend it Like Beckham’ fame, as a pathologist who is assigned to the murder investigation. Meanwhile, Aisling Franciosi makes everybody uncomfortable as the Dornan family babysitter that wants to be paid in penis.
While the murders occupy most of the show’s time there’s also some interesting sub-plots to wrap your head around. Dornan seems legitimately concerned with one of his patients after the death of her son and some signs of physical abuse at the hands of her husband. You could argue this sets him up as an anti-hero as a little bit of you is tricked into pulling for him. Then he savagely chokes another woman to death and you remember the point of it all. The police have other problems too as one of their own is gunned down on the street right in front of his house and there are whispers of corruption via cover-up by the Chief.
In the end, though, this is a simple tale of good guys vs. bad guys. Some of it’s beats seem to follow the paint-by-numbers format (the crime scene investigation, the forensics of it all) but the harrowing nature of the events and some incredible performances truly make a mere five episodes a cruel joke. This needs to come back as soon as possible.
You gotta be careful with a flick like THIS IS THE END, because it’s easy to fall into the trap of prematurely calling it a classic. The concept, the cast, cameos and even the stakes at play all promise a film that could easily be a total disaster. Instead it soars. It’s one of the funniest comedies I’ve seen in forever, and really pulls the pants down on the tired formulaic schtick that flicks like THE INTERNSHIP keep serving up. This will almost certainly turn out to be the best comedy of the year.
The set up is simple. Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel meet up for a hang out day in L.A. then move onto a party at James Franco’s new house that evening. Tension is set up early with the easy going Rogen just wanting to party and get along; while Baruchel, who comes across more and more like a vacuum packed Christian Slater, is increasingly uncomfortable with the glossy veneer of tinseltown. Before you know it however, petty frustrations have to take a back seat as the Apocalypse, more or less as described in the Bible, starts.
If you’re worried I’ve spoiled anything don’t be; that all happens in the first 20 minutes. After a delightful massacre of a slew of celebrity cameos that includes a memorable turn by Michael Cera playing himself as a coke addled fucktard, we settle into the the core cast, and how they deal with being stuck in a house with limited resources facing the end of the world. James Franco, Craig Robinson, Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, Rogen and Baruchel defy the odds by playing hyper-realistic versions of their perceived personas. It could have been a one trick gag that got old quick, but instead they play it perfectly.
The cast gamely allow themselves to be the butt of all manner of jabs, but never fall into caricature. It’s difficult to express how important that is to the film’s success. Nobody’s getting any Oscars from this flick (though we get many a MONEYBALL reference to take the piss out of Hill), but make no mistake. There is a very fine line these guys have to walk for their performances to work, and to a man they do so perfectly.
I want to tread lightly here, because a lot of the joy of the film is discovering its many surprises. Some have already been spoiled in trailers and interviews. Suffice to say a film about the apocalypse should ultimately be pretty epic, and THIS IS THE END does not disappoint in that regard. Quick shout out to the f/x crew who do a better job than some summer blockbusters at making the insane events at play feel grounded.
Of course, the only thing that really matters is how funny it is, and it’s really damn funny. I saw this at a matinee with a theater that was only about a quarter full and found myself lulzing a lot. In a packed theater I expect it would play even better. You’ll miss a ton of jokes because of the laughing, but hey, this is one you’re gonna want to rewatch a ton on DVD anyway to catch all the subtle nods and inside jokes.
So is this the birth of a classic? I think so. Pro tip though, show up early if you want concessions. That line is going to be a long one.
The mutilated corpse of the King in the North, Robb Stark, is paraded outside of The Twins. If betraying your house guest rights and conspiring to kill your King wasn’t bad enough, Lord Walder Frey has his men sew Grey Wind’s head to Robb’s body. In the book, they also sew Robb’s crown to the wolf’s head and hang him outside the castle. They also, in savage mockery of Riverrun and House Tully funeral customs, strip Catelyn naked and throw her in the river. Somebody HAS to fucking pay for this.
In the show, Arya sees her dead brother and his wolf as she makes her way out of the Twins with The Hound. In the book, she wakes up on the outskirts of The Twins. While she was out cold, (book spoilers ahead) she “dreams” that she’s become her lost direwolf Nymeria (who she drove away in season 1). Arya is essentially warging her direwolf, though she doesn’t have the knowledge that she’s actually doing it like Bran does. The wolf Nymeria pulls Catelyn out of the river and then fends off other wolves from feasting on her dead mother. This is a pretty important scene in the book as it sets up a few storylines. The following day, Arya prison shanks a dude who was talking about The Red Wedding, while The Hound provides some backup and gets all killy with his longsword. He quips that next time she wants to do that, at least give him a heads up.
Back in King’s Landing, news of The Red Wedding reaches the capital and King Joffrey ecstatically shares his enthusiasm over the Young Wolf’s death. He goes so far to even promise that he’s going to make a gift of Robb Stark’s head to Sansa, though Tyrion and Tywin have none of it. Tywin sharply reminds his King grandson that he’s acting like a fool, then orders for him to be put to bed with some dreamwine. The Queen tries to calm her son to no avail. Let’s face it, even though Joffrey has the most punchable face in all Seven Kingdoms (Handsome Guy is across the Narrow Sea), he’s “defeated” every one of his foes that has stepped up to the plate, including Ned and Robb Stark. Can you blame the boy for being cocky? With Robb Stark out of the way, Sansa is now the heir to Winterfell, so Lord Tywin commands his son, once again, to knock that bitch up.
Lord Bolton, Robb’s bannerman who conspired with Lord Frey (and Tywin Lannister), to bring the Young Wolf down, hashes out the aftermath with his new comrade. Bolton’s reward is that he now becomes Warden of the North, and mentions that his Bastard is holding Winterfell, so everything should be easy peasy as far as a secure stronghold goes. Oh really, how about the Bastard of Bolton eating Theon Greyjoy’s cock with some mustard? Seriously, what the fuck does Alfie Allen, who plays Theon, have on the producers to have them put how legendary his cock is in the script? Hey, if you can get it, get it. The cock I mean. Ramsay Snow (the Bastard) has a bone (ha, I can’t stop) to pick with the Greyjoy’s and wants to ransom him over to his family, to which Theon’s father responds with indifference and his sister (who he tried to fuck) responds that she’ll defy her father in order to save her brother. I like Asha Greyjoy a lot. She’s one of the few strong female characters who can hold her own in battle.
Sam and Gilly run into Bran and Co when they happen upon the same holdfast as the crew. This storyline is missing one pretty major character that Sam introduces to the group, and who helps them cross The Wall via a “secret” tunnel. Doesn’t look like this is going to happen though, which is a bummer because I dig the character. Sam gives them some obsidian daggers and arrowheads just in case they come across a wight. Davos has a heart to heart with Gendry, eventually smuggling him out of Dragonstone and away from Melisandre, and Varys the Eunuch tries to convince Shae the Funny Whore to leave the Seven Kingdoms for her safety. She drops the pouch of coin and tells him to go fuck himself. Then they both have a laugh because he doesn’t have a cock. I’d be horrible at writing storylines.
As Jon Snow heals from his face being attacked by a goddamn eagle, Ygritte catches up with him and has him dead to rights with her bow and arrow. We’ve seen that she’s a pretty good shot, so this looks serious. Jon Snow, on the other hand, calls her bluff in the name of love and gets three fucking arrows for it too. Jon Snow doesn’t know shit, but he can take a fucking arrow like a champ. His tired horse barely makes it back to Castle Black, dropping Snow to the ground. He greets Pyp and Sam at the gate before passing out. He then drinks a flagon of water and it fountains out of his body like old school cartoons.
Jaime Lannister and the Brienne finally make it to the capital where Jaime is met with pity and crippling indifference (wah wah) by the city inhabitants. Jaime and Cersei exchanging wordless expressions are even better than I thought it’d be. Lena Headley continues to portray the Queen as a class A twat but Nikolaj Coster-Waldau plays Jaime Lannister’s redeeming humility perfectly.
Across the Narrow Sea, Dany frees the slave city of Yunkhai, letting them all know that they do not owe her their freedom. That they are free people because, like, it’s basic human rights shit. They all praise her as “Mhysa” (meaning Mother), Dany lets the dragons fly, then she crowd surfs for a bit. Handsome guy surveys the scene looking punchable, while the rest of her court looks satisfied. There’s still one pretty big turn to come for Dany, but looks like they’ll leave that storyline until next year.
While I think Season 3 was a successful season overall, there were still quite a few missteps. It looks like the producers are still working with the same formula (epic or “shocking” moment in second to last episode, attempt to wrap up all storylines in the finale, final shot is of Dany and her dragons). I think the formula is making the show’s better moments not have as big of an impact as they have the potential to be. Unfortunately, as the story gets bigger, it’s going to be harder to give certain storylines proper attention that makes the viewers still interested in the show, despite the Starks (the “good guys”) getting dicked over time and time again. There’s still a lot of story to tell in Book 3, but it looks like the show is including Book 4 and 5 into this fourth season. So let’s see where this goes when the show comes back in about a year.
A streetwise hustler witnesses the suicide of a girl who looks just like her and falls headlong into a deadly mystery. – IMDB
If you hadn’t heard of Tatiana Maslany going into the first season of BBC America’s Orphan Black (as I hadn’t) chances are you’ll be obsessed with her by the time you’re finished (as I am). It’s difficult, if not impossible, to not get infatuated with her. She’s everywhere. She’s everyone. She’s everything. Yup, that’s the one – when it comes to the many addicting qualities of Orphan Black (the humor, the sexiness, the creepiness, and the drama), most of them radiate from the many faces of Tatiana. She is, in fact, everything to this show.
Now, it’s a lot easier to get statements like that written about you when you’re playing seven characters on said show. Even easier yet if four of them are lead characters. Sarah Manning (the Brit) acts as our guide if only because she’s thrust into this mystery the same way we are, clueless and alone. Alison Hendrix (the Canuck) is the paranoid soccer mom who ends up stealing almost every scene she’s in (which is weird when you’re stealing them from yourself). If she’s not shitfaced and beating the hell out of her husband then she’s getting high and banging her best friend’s husband in the parking lot at figure skating practice. Cosima Niehaus (the American) is the science nerd that basically explains everything to us as we move forward. Avoiding cliches, however, she’s usually wrong about everything, makes horrible decisions, and ends up being a lesbian. Good for her. That leaves Helena (the Ukrainian), a self-mutilating, psychotic, religious freak who’s hell-bent on ridding the planet of anybody that looks like her. Helena is truly fascinating and really allows Tatiana to show her range as an actress. The other girls are original in their own ways, a hairstyle here, an accent there, but Helena might as well come from another planet (I’m not ruling this out for season two. Space clones!). There’s a scene in the second half of the season that shows Sarah’s daughter looking out a window as Helena’s face slowly fades in until she’s finally staring right at her through the glass. It’s some SALEM’S LOT type creepy shit and literally made my skin crawl. Shut up, Helena.
Part crime mystery, part family drama, and part scientific thriller, Orphan Black dedicates itself to a perfectly planned season of television. As the show itself finds it’s identity early, the women within struggle with their very existence. Combined it delivers some ethically debatable high-end entertainment. “Should (does) human cloning exist?” “I don’t know, did you see that chick with the great ass stab the other girl with the rebar?” Exactly.
The rest of the cast serves it’s purpose. Felix (Jordan Garvaris) is Sarah’s foster brother and token gay confidant. Very sassy. Paul (Dylan Bruce) shows up once in a while and bangs Sarah’s brains out. Very muscly. Art (Kevin Hanchard) is basically a less intense Doakes from the first two seasons of Dexter, all suspicious and police detective-ish. Very angry black guy. About half way through Matt Frewer shows up as a main player in this clone conspiracy and I immediately think the whole show centers around Max Headroom. Ridiculous? Let’s look at the facts. 1. I drink a lot. 2. All the girls were born in 1984 with the help of a super computer. 3. No computer generated dude in the 80s got more ass than Max Headroom. Nobody.
Orphan Black is fun as hell. It’s smart, funny, sexy, dark, and only sometimes mind-numbingly confusing as clones of other clones pretend to be different clones in order to trick separate clones and avoid the evil clone that wants to kill every clone. And Max Headroom.
Our buddy, and long time podcast supporter, Darren Goodfellow sent us this early look at THE PURGE.
A family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legalized.
In the near future, America has been overrun with crime and it’s prisons have reached breaking point. Realizing that the status quo cannot continue, the government initiates The Purge, an annual twelve-hour period where all crime is legalized and no law enforcement services will be provided. Anything – up to and including murder – goes. Miraculously, The Purge, is successful and the citizenry quickly embraces it, leading to a picture perfect society for 364 days of the year.
As set ups go, you have to admit, ‘The Purge’ has a strong one. Directed by James DeMonaco (writer and co-producer of the ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ remake) and starring Ethan Hawke, ‘The Purge’ is a dystopian home invasion film that sadly squanders it’s interesting set up in lieu of tired jump scares, scary* masks and routine death scenes.
Hawke stars as James Sandin, a security systems specialist who has used The Purge to become very wealthy, selling state of the art home security to those who wish to sit out The Purge without getting all murdery or being all murdered. This is the plan for Hawke’s family too; one which goes awry when his teenage daughter (Adelaide Kane) has a crisis of conscience and allows a stranger into their home**, a stranger who is being hunted by a gang of masked killers. When the gang track him to the Sandin house they offer the family a choice; give up the stranger or be killed themselves when the gang gain entry.
What follows is a very quick (85 minute runtime!) home invasion horror film where the barest of lip service is paid to the big ideas that the film has set up. Do you doubt for a second that the family refuse to give up the man? Of course you don’t. Do you doubt for a second that the gang gains entry to the house? Of course you don’t. You know all this going in; what you have to hope for is that the film will present it all in an entertaining manner. Unfortunately, ‘The Purge’ does not.
The Good?
Hawke is, as always, a solid lead and his natural – and I genuinely don’t want to cause the man any offence – air of being weasley lends itself well to the role of a man who profits from other’s death and fear. Lena Heady is a good but if I had one gripe it would be that she wasn’t give enough to do. Heady has proven time and again that she is one of the best badass actresses working today (if you aren’t watching ‘Game Of Thrones’ then stop reading this, idiot and go see her in that, she’s AMAZING – oh, also ‘Dredd’, chump) and going in I thought she’d be provided with at least one great, badass moment but apart from some so-so fisticuffs and a lot of gunplay, her character is a bit of a limp noodle. The kids are both fine too, never overselling the situation, which I often find is the downfall of child actors.
Kudos also has to go to Cinematographer Jacques Jouffret, who managed to make the Sandin house look like a truly awful place to live in, never mind be trapped in. It was also nice to see a horror film that did not have every frame saturated in darkness simply to wring “where will the baddie jump from next?” tension out of a scene where a character walks slowly down a hallway.
The Bad?
The worst thing in this film – apart from any real scares or tension of course – is Rhys Wakefield as the leader of the gang that invades the Sandin house. I don’t know what film this guy thought he was acting in but he is so over the top, so pantomime that he verges on the comedic. Maybe it’s because I’m from Scotland that his whole “Polite Psychopath” didn’t fly, I don’t know. Maybe he’ll be better received in the U.S or abroad but at my screening there were flat out giggles when he was on-screen and trust me, people weren’t laughing with him. I can’t imagine what Hawke and the rest were thinking when he launched into this routine in front of them.
It’s not all his fault of course, he’s only an actor after all. So blame has to lie with Screenwriter and Director, James DeMonaco, who is very much from the “Tell, don’t Show” school of filmmaking. In case you are dead or dim, he gives Wakefield an especially on-the-nose speech about “killing Have-nots, rather than the Haves”, so that the films message on the effects of social inequality doesn’t pass you by.
Also, consider that it’s stated over and over that literally all crimes are legalised I expected a lot more in the gore/kills department. There was an opportunity here to go over the top and at least redeem some horror cred from the SFX or makeup work but it never materialised with most of the kills being quite tame.
The Ugly?
Hawke’s son is presented as the usual Hollywood-misunderstood-tech-genius type kid, for one reason and one reason only; so he can have a creepy, radio controlled camera inside a burned doll. Ignoring the fact that that is creepy as hell in itself, this is done solely so DeMonaco can include some “found footage” style shots. Sadly, like most of the other scares in the film, it fails to deliver. Personally, if I was living in a society where I could be murdered one night with no questions asked and my kid was hanging around in his room talking to a remote controlled camera doll, I’d be sleeping with one eye open and never mind the crazies outside the house.
Overall, ‘The Purge’ is not a bad film but it’s far from a good one. As a horror film it fails to deliver and as a warped “What if?” film, it fails to capitalize on its set up.
*In an age where you can have a villain wear a woman’s face turned inside out as a mask (Hello, American Horror Story: Asylum!) on TV, you really need to up the game on your “scary” masks in horror films. These guys look like they’ve picked up their masks in the craft aisle of Costco.
**Hey Ethan Hawke, Security Specialist! I don’t know why you’ve installed a GIANT RED ‘DEACTIVATE SECURITY’ button in your house but maybe, just maybe consider turning it off on the ONE NIGHT A YEAR when you don’t want stabby people getting in your house. Just a thought.
As a King, Robb Stark knows he has to make amends for breaking his word to Lord Walder Frey of The Twins. Back in Season 1, Robb agreed to marry one of Frey’s daughters in order to march his army to meet Tywin Lannister in the field of battle. Robb, after being crowned the King in the North, wound up marrying the hot, sexy nurse Talisa in Season 2. Yep, all the Stark men think with their cocks. Lord Frey scolds King Robb while also handing it to him that his new wife is a hot piece of ass. “Your King says he betrayed me for love. I say he betrayed me for firm tits and a tight fit.” I like this guy.
Dany is going over her battle plans with Ser Jorah, Ser Barristan and handsome guy. Daario Naharis thinks they should sack the city of Yunkai one way, Jorah thinks they should do it another way. He also sees the growing affection between Dany and Daario and gets a little jelly. After a fantastic fight scene, Dany successfully takes the city and gets all moist when handsome guy shows up and tells her the city is hers.
Sam and Gilly make their way to the Wall and provide nothing else. One thing that always bugs me about the show is that they include scenes just to remind everyone that certain characters are still around. “Hey, don’t forgot about the bucktooth broad and the fat kid, they’re important too!” They did this with Bran earlier in the season. Speaking of Bran….
Coincidentally, also my “Oh Face”
We finally get to see one of my favorite aspects of the book and that’s the whole “warging” business. We saw this with Orell (Gareth from The Office) who warged an eagle to do some reconnaissance on the Night’s Watch at The Wall and now we see Bran take a crack at it, although he does it with Hodor. The gift is strong in Bran since his fall and his little buddy Jojen knows this. Jojen, a “greenseer” who has visions of the future, has told Bran that he needs to go beyond The Wall to visit the Three Eyed Crow. Why? Without giving anything away, because he fucking has too. Osha, who’s lived beyond The Wall, thinks this is a bad idea. After a close call with some wildlings, in which Bran wargs his direwolf Summer and tears some shit up, they realize it’s much safer for the Stark heirs to split up, so Osha, Rickon and his direwolf Shaggydog peace out.
Arya and The Hound make their way to The Twins for Arya’s uncle Edmure’s wedding, where The Hound will attempt to ransom the young she wolf to King Robb. The Hound robs a dude’s wagon and goes to kill him but Arya is having none of it. She chides him for killing safe targets like old people and little kids. Later she tells him, “Someday, I’m gonna put a sword through your eye and out the back of your skull.” Will it happen? I ain’t tellin’ you shit!
Jon Snow is once again put to the test by the wildlings when they chance upon the same holdfast that Bran and company are in. The wildlings tell Jon Snow to kill an innocent guy to prove he’s truly one of them. After some back and forth, Ygritte puts an arrow through the guy. In the book, she winds up slitting the guy’s throat, which I think is much more effective and shows just how brutal she and the wildlings can be. A fight ensues and Snow kills Orell, who just before dying, wargs into the eagle and fucks up Jon’s face. In this scene, Jojen convinces Bran that he needs to warg Summer in order to keep them safe. Bran does and unknowingly helps Jon Snow escape.
Finally, the moment that made me throw A Storm of Swords across the room and caused millions of fans to shit in their own mouths and cry. The Red Wedding. I’ve been waiting for this scene since reading the book and I have to say that they played it off really well. One of the things that doesn’t come across though is how progressively tense things get as the wedding goes on. Catelyn starts noticing little things like how each dish served gets worse and worse, the drums pounding louder and louder. In the show, Catelyn knows something is up when the band starts playing “The Rains of Castamere,” (lyrics above). She knows the song, she knows the significance, and she knows it all adds up to bad news. Queen Cersei explains to Margaery how the song came about during Tyrion’s wedding. The song can be summed up like this: Do not fuck with Tywin Lannister.
There are quite a few details from the book that were left out or changed during this scene, some big, some small. I’m a fan overall, so I’m not nitpicking. Here’s a quick list of some that I can think of.
Robb’s bannerman, The Greatjon, throws a table over Robb to protect him.
Robb doesn’t bring his wife to the wedding.
Catelyn’s uncle the Blackfish doesn’t attend the wedding.
Grey Wind, Robb’s direwolf, kills quite a few Frey men before getting killed.
Roose Bolton, Robb’s fellow Northman and confidante, whispers into his King’s ear, “Jaime Lannister sends his regards,” before plunging a sword in his back.
When Arya rushes to the castle, her chapter ends, “The Hound’s axe took her in the back of the head.” It’s not until many chapters later that you learn he hit her with the flat side of the axe and knocked her out. You think she’s dead for a bunch of chapters and you want to kill someone for it.
Catelyn grabs a hold of a Frey dude and puts a knife to his neck. She pleads with Lord Frey to let her son live. “A son for a son,” she says. Lord Frey responds by saying that she’s holding a grandson. She winds up killing him after Bolton kills Robb.
Probably the biggest change is that when Robb is killed, Catelyn loses her mind, jumps back and forth between laughing and crying and starts clawing her own face before a Frey slices her throat.
Fantastic episode this week and I couldn’t be happier how it played out. Even though I knew what was coming, I was still in shock at what I was seeing. There’s a couple of other details in the aftermath of the Red Wedding that I hope they show, as if you didn’t get punched in the gut enough, that will definitely do it.
I’ve never had such a unique television watching experience in my life. This isn’t necessarily critiquing the quality of Arrested Development’s long-awaited fourth season as much as it’s describing it’s format. The quality is there, in giant freight carriers marked “Sensory Overload’, and I’ll get to that soon enough. First, I need to talk about getting such immediate access to such a highly anticipated moment in my pop-culture addicted lifestyle. Sure, the overall wait was a tortuous one. Seven long years have passed since season three of the series. I’ve had three kids, four cars, and two podcasts in that time. The rumors didn’t help either. Every year seemed to bring another snippet of news from one of the main players. Jason Bateman says he’s in! Michael Cera says it’s off. Ron Howard says he wants to do it! David Cross needs it to stop doing Chipmunk movies but acts like he doesn’t care. As a fan, you try not to get caught up in the excitement and the disappointment, all at the same time.
So, when it was finally official and the steady flow of promotional pictures and cameo appearances started appearing online, it was time to give thanks. Thanks, Netflix, for committing to the love of a generation. Thanks for not raising your monthly fee. Thanks for dropping the entire boatload of those carriers right in my living room all at the same time. Kinda. This is where I’m at with getting all the episodes at once. I kinda liked it. I kinda didn’t. And, as I said earlier, I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. Sure, Netflix had released entire seasons of television at one time before (House of Cards, Hemlock Grove), but nothing that even approached this type of anticipation level for me. It was like we weren’t waiting for a new season of Arrested Development, it was like we were simply waiting for “Arrested Development Day”. It was over pretty quickly after waiting for seven goddamn years! Still, it exists, so be happy.
The show itself was the issue. More specifically, the format in which this season was delivered, all jumpy and intertwined. I ended up watching five episodes a day for three days straight and, even then, it seemed hard to follow along with the timeline. What started one episode was mixed into the middle of three others. What seemed important in one scene was revealed to be a punchline (for a completely separate joke) in another scene, eight episodes removed. For the most part this seemed to work as it made you feel a part of the many inside jokes, but every once in a while it left my brain rattled with confusion and by the time I caught up with what was going on I felt like I missed something else. It is not recommended to blink during this show. Unless you’re sitting next to Ron Howard. Ron knows everything.
So on with the show we go. After trying to come up with a comprehensible way to review this show (opposite of that last paragraph) I decide to treat it the way it treated us – character by character. Below is my thoughts on each Bluth family’s story arch, from best to worst.
Tobias Fünke (David Cross) – This is the Arrested Development I remember. Cringe-worthy awkward hilarity. Even letting Tobias in on the long-running joke about him being gay doesn’t seem to slow down the beating of the dead horse. My single favorite moment of the series takes place here – when Tobias, paying an innocent visit to his daughter, Maeby (Alia Shawkat), gets arrested on one of those “To Catch a Predator” news programs. The entire arc centers on a musical of The Fantastic Four, for which nobody involved owns the rights or has any talent. Grade: A+
George Michael Bluth (Michael Cera) – After it’s all queued and done, I feel the most important (obvious) journey of the season belongs to George Michael. In attempts to separate himself from the family and, more importantly, his birth name, George Michael spins himself into a web of lies that lead to success, sex, a better name, and a mustache. All are glorious to watch fall apart. The relationship with his father, overbearing and annoying, comes to a explosive conclusion that surprised me and actually took me to a weird emotional place during the last scene of the season. What is this, a drama? Grade: A+
Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman) – Michael, the supposed level-headed leader of the Bluth empire, has fallen on hard times (who hasn’t on this show?) and tries to wash his hands of a tormented bloodline. This doesn’t work so well. Michael’s segments include my second favorite story-line of the season as he gets to work with Ron Howard (hard at work this season as narrator and actor) on getting a film made about his family. As mentioned above, the father-son relationship is the heart of the season and, for once, brings a real sense of tragedy to the story. Grade: A
Gob Bluth (Will Arnett) – Gob ‘s episodes deliver some of the season’s best jokes – the ‘Entourage inspired nightclub called “and Jeremy Piven”, and the “forget-me-now” pills had me rolling. His spiritual journey through douchbaggery is special to watch. There’s a failed re-connection with his son, a failed marriage attempt, which leads to a failed magical performance, which leads to a failed friendship with magical rival, Tony Wonder (Ben Stiller) that almost leads to failed gay sex. He also screws up bee keeping, limo driving, building a wall to keep the Mexicans out, and offends Jesus Christ a lot. Grade: B+
Maeby Fünke (Alia Shawkat) – Maeby only gets one episode dedicated to her story and uses the opportunity to pack as much sarcasm and neurosis as possible. I always felt Maeby was the most “normal” member of the family. There’s a couple situations here that shed the label. First is her determination to stay in high school as long as possible. The second is how stupid they make her. Both lend themselves well to the season, but portray Maeby in a slightly different light. She might just be her mother’s daughter after all. Grade: B
Lindsay Fünke (Portia de Rossi) – Speaking of her mother, Lindsay is an absolute mess. Her character, made to resonate with nobody, gets involved with a man that suffers from “face blindness”, becomes a hooker for a politician (unbeknownst to her), begins her own political agenda (unbeknownst to her), and continues to search for a heart. Only, not really. Like I said, it’s hard to relate to Lindsay when I find myself wanting to choke the life out of her almost every second she’s on screen. It works though. Grade: B
Buster Bluth (Tony Hale) – Buster is a great character…… in increments. Dedicating an entire episode to him proved risky and I’m not sure totally worked. It seemed Buster barely showed up in any of the other episodes which led to an onslaught of his quirks all at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some great moments here but his lack of importance to the rest of the family almost feels like a break from the action. Spread him out more. Grade: C+
George Bluth, Sr (Jeffrey Tambor) – Easily carrying the most confusing storyline, George, Sr. splits time with his twin brother Oscar in every aspect of his life and makes the viewer rely more on Ron Howard to tell us what’s going on than actually understanding it for ourselves. That’s okay though, Ron Howard had a cool voice. Grade C
Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter) – Much like her daughter, Lucille infuriates me. I understand that this is the point, and that women like this don’t really exist (they don’t, right?) but it gets frustrating to watch issue after issue go unresolved because of her ridiculous ego. Maybe I should lighten up and enjoy the comedy. Maybe they should kill her off. Whatever. Grade: C
As a whole, I loved it. Not every second of it, but I loved it. Not mentioned above but needed to be highlighted is the work of Henry Winkler. The guy is a comedic genius. Who knew? Let’s also make note of the many great cameos and dedicated nods to seasons past. Nobody loves this show more than the people making it and they’re pretty blatant about it. I pray for it to be a huge success and hope Netflix hangs on for a few more years. To cut this show off again would be criminal.