Remakes

Some things are just a part of life.  Air is what we breathe, barbers will always have return business and Hollywood is going to keep producing remakes.  While a small percentage of remakes are good, I’d like to turn our attention to some films that acutally could benefit from being remade.  Constantly there are reminders of the failure of Hollywood remakes, from Black Christmas to Arthur, but here’s a list of ten films that I think could and should be improved upon.

300 – 300 was and continues to be a fairly popular film and there is precedent for that.  Without straying from the source material, 300 was a retelling of the Frank Miller graphic novel that gained a lot of traction due to the success of Sin City before it.  Zack Snyder, a guy who I do not particularly like as a filmmaker, does an adequate job here making one of the great “hoo-rah” pump-up movies of the past few years, and films like this will always have a place with a certain audience.  For me, 300 was a massive let down, but it was my own fault for letting the hype get to me.  The trailers are still phenomenal, but the movie around them is incredibly one-dimensional and anti-climactic.  The real tragedy is that the real story behind the 300 Spartans is MUCH MORE EPIC than what was put to page here.  For example, did you know that the Spartans actually fought off the Persian army for three days AFTER Leonidas was killed, just to recover his body?  There’s a really great action-drama in the vein of Apocalypto waiting to be made here and it is a shame that we haven’t gotten it yet.  If ever there was a story that needs a fresh take on the big screen, I think it’s this one.
Possible Directors – Peter Jackson, Mel Gibson, George Miller

Fire In The Sky – When your movie is famous for a terrifying alien probe scene you know you have something special.  The unfortunate reality of Fire in the Sky is that outside of that one horrifying scene the movie suffers from being pretty average.  There is not a surplus of great alien horror films out there from the perspective of people being abducted and in the right filmmaker’s hands this could be a modern classic, almost like the anti-Close Encounters.

Possible Directors – David Cronenberg, Sam Raimi, Paul Thomas Anderson

Slaughterhouse-Five – One of the strangest time-travel stories ever, the movie simply struggles to capture what the book conveys so well.  Without spoiling the story, Slaughterhouse-Five is about a man caught in time named Billy Pilgrim.  Pilgrim seems to experience all moments of his life at once, only pausing occasionally in different times of self-awareness.  Time travel is a tricky subject and especially so when you have a concept as abstract as this one, but intelligent science fiction is not too common so I think there is a place for this in the cinematic landscape.
Possible Directors – Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, Shane Carruth

Soylent Green – There have been a ton of suggested gritty reboots over the past few years but Soylent Green is one that needs to happen.  The entire idea of this film is ripe with social commentary, and like Slaughterhouse-Five could be the next great science-fiction concept.  While the original film is a classic product of the 70’s, the themes of this film could be expanded upon and made into something even more meaningful and special with some quality writing.

Possible Directors – Walter Hill, John Carpenter, Alex Garland

Spawn – At some point, Spawn is coming back, so maybe this is an easy target.  That being said, Spawn was always a really dark and intriguing character to me.  A guy who dies and sells his soul to the devil in exchange to see his wife again is something that is pretty primal and ridiculous.  The Michael Jai White film was largely a failure due to timing and execution.  In a world where Deadpool is getting a fair shake, I think the odds of seeing a good Spawn film are higher now than ever before.

Possible Directors – James Gunn, Ridley Scott, Joss Whedon

Star Trek The Final Frontier – I think we all have certain films that no matter how bad they are we just don’t care.  For me, Star Trek The Final Frontier is one of those films, most likely due to the fact that I saw it so young.  Despite that, the search for God is something that Star Trek is uniquely positioned to examine, it just seems that Shatner was not the guy to pull it off whatsoever.  While Abrams was abjectly wrong for trying to remake The Wrath of Khan, my vote would have been to rework this story and run with it.

Possible Directors – Jonathan Frakes, Ben Affleck, Rian Johnson

Super Mario Brothers – Let’s face it, Super Mario Brothers doesn’t have much in the way of redeeming qualities.  In fact, I don’t know the name of the director who could have done this justice, but I do know who could knock this out of the park: Pixar.  Whether it’s Pete Docter or any of the other phenomenal talent they have, I’d vote Pixar on this all day.  While the licensing might be a challenge it would be well worth the investment.

Possible Directors – Someone who lives/breathes Pixar

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – Superhero team-ups are all the rage these days so I think now is as good a time as any to take another crack at this one.  Granted, Alan Moore is not kind to anyone who adapts his work, but I don’t think his approval is needed to make something great out of this.  Who wouldn’t want to see an R-rated superhero team-up with famous literary characters?  The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a must-remake if ever there was one.

Possible Directors – Adam McKay, Frank Darabont, Edgar Wright

The Odyssey – This movie is largely the entire reason why I created this article.  To date, no one has made an effective or competent cinematic version of The Odyssey.  The Hallmark channel Armand Assante production was ok, but it’s nowhere near as expansive or adult as I believe the story calls for.  Greek mythology has not fared too well in recent years with there being an interesting opportunity for something innovative to be done.  The Odyssey is one of the world’s oldest stories and I think it’s high time someone gives us a take on the material.

Possible Directors – David Fincher, The Coen Brothers, Denis Villeneuve

The Stunt Man – One of the coolest movie plots I know of, The Stunt Man is a criminally underseen film about a convinct on the run from the police who stumbles onto a movie set.  The director hires him on the spot to use as a stunt man in the film he is directing and the stunts get more and more deadly as the shoot goes on.  Peter O’Toole absolutely kills it here but this is an often overlooked film in the pantheon of 70’s thrillers.  This is the kind of concept that is so wacky you can take it in a bunch of different directions, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed that someday we get an update.

Possible Directors – Quentin Tarantino, Christopher Nolan, JJ Abrams

So what of it, Bingers?  Any movies you think should be remade?  Disagree with any on this list?  Sound off below and, as always, Binge On!