Ammon, Moreno, and Law are in good spirits this week as they step up their game, not only with new technology, but with a brand new game. We call it Pixar or Porn and it’s as bad as it sounds. We play a clip from a movie and Ammon has to determine whether it’s from a Pixar film or a porno. Ammon may own this round but things will only get tougher and stupider as we figure out what we’re doing each week.
As for other stuff, TV Round-Up has talk of Ray Donovan, The Strain, Sons of Anarchy, and Boardwalk Empire while What Did You Watch lays down some sick beats for THE EQUALIZER, SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR, FILTH, BAD ASSES, I AIN’T SCARED OF YOU, OCULUS, FRANK, and AIRPLANE. All that and Kupka calls in with a review for A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES.
Then it’s a walk down sounder memory lane as Moreno empties his old folder to end the show. I cried.
Moreno, Ammon, and Law have united once again to waste your time in epic fashion. Google Voice is played, movies are reviewed, and television is watched.
Firstly, Moreno chimes in with his own King of Hollywood idea and some way or another it ends up starring Geena Davis. We also get some voicemails concerning the subject that center around the ultimate James Bond movie and A-list porn.
TV Round-Up gets serious with Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, Ray Donovan, and The Strain while Ammon checks out the premiere episodes for Forever, Red Band Society, and Z Nation.
What Did We Watch is packed full of hate for TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION before we branch off into other, better, films such as SPACE STATION 76, MAPS TO THE STARS, MANSOME, and Moreno’s thoughts on EDGE OF TOMORROW.
There’s tons of stuff to get through as Law, Ammon, and Moreno get back together for an epic reunion episode of the Binge Cast. Want new sounders – we got ’em. We’ve also got plenty to say about the final season of Sons of Anarchy (enter our Final Exam contest before it’s too late right here), and tons of other TV shows, such as Boardwalk Empire, Ray Donovan, The Strain, The Wire, and Tyrant. And finally. on this list of things we got – we got an idea for an Asylum movie that just might work. Now all we have to do is remember this conversation. Balls.
On the movie side of things we have reviews of FRANK, I KNOW THAT VOICE, LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS, TO BE TAKEI, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, DIVERGENT, SPIDERS, RAMPART, LETHAL WEAPON, KINGS OF SUMMER, and TOY STORY OF TERROR.
Keep it here this week as we’re going to try and get commentaries out for The Strain, Boardwalk Empire, and Sons of Anarchy. Do dis!
The Fall TV season is upon us and I couldn’t be happier. Filling time at work by watching seven reality shows a night is starting to turn my brain into mushy poop shit. So before we kick off the good stuff with Boardwalk Empire this Sunday, I’m going to remember the past year’s worth of great shows (minus Breaking Bad because it’s done and I could easily fill this whole list just from that show and shut up) and make a list of my favorite characters. You’re going to read it and comment below because you love me and we’re best friends. Go.
10. Jamal Al-Fayeed – TYRANT
Some of the acting on Tyrant can leave you wanting more but I stand by my opinion that Jamal is as solid an evil mother fucker can get. Every time he’s on screen he’s either killing somebody, fucking somebody’s wife, or drinking like an asshole and scheming to kill or fuck somebody. A true role model.
9. Michonne – THE WALKING DEAD
The Walking Dead took a nose dive for me a long time ago but there’s no denying the ability of Michonne to single-handedly save any given episode by kicking ass and looking cool. She’s the best character in the comic, she’s the best character on the show. Just the way it should be.
8. Alex ‘Tig’ Trager – SONS OF ANARCHY
Again, I’m not in love with Sons as much as I used to be (fucking Jax) but the show still entertains on higher levels than most shit I watch. Tig wins over my heart because he’s so goddamn unpredictable. I imagine his lines of dialogue and action scenes in the script are just left blank and then he just acts out whatever crazy shit is going on in his head at that moment.
7. Enoch “Nucky” Thompson – BOARDWALK EMPIRE
Nucky wouldn’t have been my first choice for this show for the last few (every?) seasons but let’s just say my favorite characters on this show seem to find a way to not extend their contracts in some of the most horrible ways. Well played, Nuck, you’re finally the coolest kid on the block.
6. Abraham Setrakian – THE STRAIN
Each week The Strain leaves me wanting more. More Setrakian. More nail guns being fired by Setrakian. More gibberish being mumbled before every head lopping by Setrakian. More fedora’s on Setrakian’s dome. Just….. more.
5. Lucas (Not) Hood – BANSHEE
Not Hood is the best. Whether he’s banging every girl withiin a 300 ft radius or beating up entire gangs with his bare hands. Remember when I said Sons of Anarchy still entertained me? It’s like watching paint dry compared to this shit. Banshee is the ultimate “Dad” TV show. I’m a dad. Do the math.
4. Detective Rust Cohle – TRUE DETECTIVE
I don’t think I’d ever want to partner with the dude but Rust sure is interesting to watch from afar. Which is better though, flashback Rust or present day Rust? I’d have to go with present day. Dude just pounds beers, fucks with cops, and continues to be obsessed with death stuff. And he looks homeless.
3. Ray Donovan – RAY DONOVAN
Ray gets better week after week on the current season. Complete badass, fucked up family, worst friends ever, broads on his nuts all day, and he still gets shit done. I have a feeling he would hate me though. I don’t know why, really, just a gut feeling (because I’m a douche).
2. Tyrion Lannister – GAME OF THRONES
After a lackluster season three, Tyrion got his ass back in the spotlight for season four and delivered on every level. I laughed with him (not at him, you discriminating fucks), I cried with him (not really, I am incapable of tears), and I felt his pain (I was drunk every night I watched). The only dude on this list I would hug for hours on end, whether he wanted to or not.
1. Lorne Malvo – FARGO
Everything about this show was unexpected. What should have been a less-superior spin-off of a classic film ended up being one of the best things on television in years. Billy Bob had a lot to do with that. His sarcastic, sadistic, and insidious portrayal of Malvo was easily my favorite thing on the small screen this past year.
Holy crap. What has easily been the greatest JimLawlapalooza in the history of the universe itself has finally come to an end. Even though I’m probably stuck in traffic driving home as miserable as fuck there’s no way to ignore what was a perfect weekend. Drinks, tacos, a barcade, Pete MC, TM, Kupka, Moreno, Law, more drinks, deep dish pizza, High Life, and some more drinks. It couldn’t have played out any better than it did. This week’s show is a recap of what went down, with live sounders, some reviews for stuff I can’t remember, and Kupka passing out. We also call Moviefreak and DJ Allen One, play the Google Voice game and yell a lot. Join us.
As I get ready for another adventure in Chicagoland I find myself in too good of a mood to bitch about anything this week. Instead I will play Marry, Fuck, Kill with all the Summer television shows I’ve been keeping up with. If you don’t know the rules – I am forced (by myself) to choose three characters from each show. The one I’d marry, the one I’d bang the wholly hell out of, and the one I’d end. That’s it. Keep an eye out for me if you’re in Chicago this weekend. I’ll be the tall handsome mess of a human being yelling about nothing.
THE STRAIN
MARRY: Dr. Nora Martinez. She has a good job, looks tight in her virus gear, and seems like a good family oriented woman. That said, her whore of a mother must go.
FUCK: Kelly Goodweather. She hasn’t had good luck with men lately and needs some good loving. There’s no doubt in my mind that she dumped Eph because of his stupid hair. I have no hair. Let’s bang.
KILL: Joan Luss. She was a cunty lawyer before she became infected. Now she’s all balding and shooting her lethal mouth penis around. Hand me my sword. As Setrakian would say….”Sleashjxsfilemnicn skzllhkxzjv lklxxsl;sk”. Head lopped off.
RECTIFY
MARRY: Amantha Holden. This is my type of woman. Pissed off, mouthy, and determined to keep the men in her life off death row.
FUCK: Tawney Talbot. A little too Jesusy for me to spend more than a few minutes in her company. Good thing that’s all I’ll need. Booyah!
KILL: Janet Talbot. There’s only three recurring female roles on this show so the old chick gets the short end. Sorry you’re old or whatever.
TYRANT
MARRY: Nusrat Al-Fayeed. And let me point out that at OUR wedding, my dad wouldn’t violate her in the bathroom. I hope.
FUCK:Leila Al-Fayeed. This woman is almost too hot for television. I seriously lose track of whatever the hell is going on when she has a scene. She scares the shit out of me though. I’d have to get in and out quick before she realized I’m not just as much of an asshole as her husband with less than 1/1000000000 of the money.
KILL: Jenna Olson. Because I still have no idea why she’s on the show. Was it just to screw up the plan for the whole family to get away on the plane before massive amounts of shit exploded into the fan? Something tells me this entry is more of a prediction than anything else.
RAY DONOVAN
MARRY: Deb. If she can handle the shit Ezra puts her through and still manage to take care of his sorry ass, than she’s the woman for me. I have issues, deal with them for me. And make me a sandwich. She loves it, look at her celebrating below. Also, Pet Sematary.
FUCK: Ashley Rucker. She just shows up once in a while to bang Ray so why can’t I have the same deal? And she seems crazy. And she has a stalker. I don’t like competition.
KILL: Abby Donovan. Great character but she sure does seem like a thorn in the side. Maybe I want to bang some broads, hide some bodies, and kill some priests on the weekends. Get off my back about it. Look at her stupid judgey face.
THE LEFTOVERS
MARRY: Nora Durst. She just lost her whole family in one millisecond. Something tells me she’s gonna try really hard the next time to not screw things up. I’d just keep yelling “Do you want me to disappear too?!” every time she doesn’t give me sexy time. Look how sad she is.
FUCK: Aimee. Just to get her out of my house. This chick just moved herself in and started wearing panties around all day. It’s not my fault my dick fell in her. This is exactly what I’d tell the authorities.
KILL: Laurie Garvey. I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life. I want her to die every second she’s on screen anyway so why would things change here. I’m pretty sure the whole reason I wrote this article was to rant about this bitch. Hate her stupid nonsensical cult, hate her concerned look as she stuffs another cigarette in her asshole face, hate her. Hate her.
Moreno, Ammon, and Law are back together once again for another stroll through La-La Land. Google Voice is there too, confusing the boys with her stubborn inability to listen and relay the easiest of words.
TV Round-Up is overflowing with talk of Ray Donovan, The Strain, The Knick, Tiny House Nation, Big Brother, and other stuff I can’t remember because of this punishing hangover.
What Did You Watch is also jam packed as the boys review NEED FOR SPEED, OUT OF THE FURNACE, 30 MINUTES OR LESS, THE SPECTACULAR NOW, THE SACRAMENT, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, DRAFT DAY, COLD IN JULY, TURTLE POWER, 22 JUMP STREET, CHEF, and 3/4 of DIVERGENT.
Stay tuned later this week for our commentary for The Strain and a brand new commentary for POINT BREAK in the near future.
Ammon, Law, and Moreno are back to fill your face holes with joyous verbal garbage. There’s the Google Voice game, Tiny House talk, a banning from the show, questions, answers, burps, and not a single pee break to be seen. We do it all for you. NOTE: Moreno does fall asleep before the end of the show. This can not be helped.
TV Round-Up has tons of talk about the final season of The Killing, Ray Donovan, The Strain, The Americans, Drunk History, Tyrant, and others.
What Did You Watch gets funky with reviews of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, CHEF, ANCHORMAN 2, OLD BOY, ZOMBIELAND, PREDATORS, THE KARATE KID PART II, and some Universal Monsters classics.
Stay tuned for The Strain commentary later this week and a Binge Music Cast whenever Moreno wakes up (December).
What we thought was going to be an epic reunion turns out to be a regular everyday Binge Media reunion as our special guest bails last minute but Law, Ammon, and Moreno finally reunite for an entire show.
Google Voice boasts two of the best voicemails in a long time from DJ Alan One and Eric (Larry) King and Moreno and Law grill Ammon about his Tiny House lifestyle change.
TV Round-Up spills dirt on The Strain, Drunk History, The Killing, Ray Donovan, and The Bates Motel.
What Did You Watch gets epic with GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, THE BATTERED BASTARDS OF BASEBALL, and SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE.
It’s still too much podcast to handle, even without our fucktard of a special guest. Fuck that guy.