After months of jump starting this series of podcasts only to have it pushed back, the Binge Movie Aftertaste Indiana Jones Retrospective is finally here. Listen as me, Law, and Nate dissect the first beloved film of the franchise Raiders of the Lost Ark. What is it that makes it so great? Why is Ford’s gruffness part of his charm here? And why oh why does one of us not agree with the other two?
Listen to find out. And don’t forget – we are going to look at the other three as well, so keep checking this space every Friday, as these podcasts will get even more interesting and rant filled as they go on.
Last week, I wrote an entire column basically describing how fan boys are assholes and try how they might to ruin a film for you before you even see it. It is almost like they say ‘I know. I will put down (insert movie title) because (insert person anticipating it) is really looking forward to it.’ It is a real ineffective way to live your life and if you are one of these types of people, please stop reading this and any future columns of mine right now because you are an asshole.
However, even with how hard people work at convincing you a new film is not up to your entertainment standards, sometimes our own worst enemy when it comes to watching movies is ourselves. Specifically, our own vested anticipation. How many times have you anticipated a movie for months, sometimes years, only to have the date creep up on you and you walk out feeling not nearly as fulfilled as you thought you would? It is something each film fan has experienced at least once in their lives. But why is it that we find ourselves even in that position? What are our own personal standards of how a film can be classified as personally life-changing?
I feel it is quite a number of things, mostly what kind of personal baggage we bring into each movie. Let me get the two most obvious examples out of the way quickly. One of my most memorable childhood film going experiences involved going with my father to see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. With hardly an eye on anything other than all the times I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark on our just acquired cable network HBO, I walked in only knowing that hero Indiana Jones would probably crack his whip a lot. Seen back to back with Gremlins in a soda floored movie theater in Fairfield California, I was transfixed on each new situation Indy found himself in, and I can safely say the darkness of this film also made me fall in love with the horror genre. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, while not as life changing, was another fantastic film going experience. This time I was 12 years old and walking into a movie theater with a friend, and for the first time I was without a parent in a movie theater. I loved how the movie turned into an entertaining farce with some family values and an obvious love for history thrown in for good measure.
Flash forward to January 2008. I had just started my three year sabbatical in University living, and while surfing the net doing research for a paper, something crawled across my screen that made my eyes light up like a Christmas tree: New Indiana Jones Trailer. The way this trailer, titled Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, integrated old Indy adventures with new footage of him falling into a truck backwards and punching the driver & its passenger chilled me to the bone. It was something I watched many times, sending it to my Myspace (yep) friends at the time and even showing my father, who was also smiling from ear to ear afterwards. I then went to a screening, which I was invited to thanks to the site I was working for at the time, and walked out….well, I don’t know how I walked out of there. Dejected is not the right word. Neither is angry. In fact, it still holds the record for the most conflicted I have ever been after seeing a movie. I ended up giving the movie a fairly decent review, and took my brother to it on opening night, almost holding my head in my hands saying out loud, ‘what was I thinking?’
Looking back, I have no idea what I expected. Nearly twenty years after Last Crusade, Ford was still Indy. He was still using his whip and shooting his revolver. But in between all the swinging with monkeys and bad guys getting decimated by CGI ants, the charm and sheer wit which drew me in was missing. Now when I watch Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I find myself halfway enjoying it. Is it the least of the films? Absolutely. But I can watch it now and think that it was not nearly as bad as I thought. In fact, my father and I had a real fun time watching it the week it came out on DVD. The anticipation for that movie changing my life like the previous two got in the way of me actually enjoying it. Did it make me love horror and want to explore history? No. But hardly any film has that kind of impact on anybody, so what the hell was my problem the first time?
And then there is 1999’s Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Now, I have already been on record in various columns and podcasts saying I do not hold Phantom Menace, or any of the Star Wars prequels, as far deep in the barrel as most. But starting in 1984, when I read in People Magazine that George Lucas wanted to tell Darth Vader’s backstory, I was already counting down the days. By the way, if there was someone on the cover of People whom I wanted to read about, I would always beg my mom to get it for me. This particular one had, who else, but Indy. Anyway, Lucas already started the wheels in motion, and by 1997, when the original trilogy was re-released to theaters with brand new scenes, the anticipation was at an all time high. Working at a grocery store, I would scour the magazine rack looking for anything on Star Wars. I would spend hours looking on Star Wars sites. Years. Months. Weeks. Days. Of course, the question once again comes up: what the hell was I expecting? Another Empire Strikes Back? Another series of Ewok scenes? The Darth Vader mask to be the final shot of the film? No idea. Yet, when I got tickets for my father and I, we walked in that theater, and the familiar Star Wars theme blasted the speakers. It was almost magic. Yet when the movie ended, I walked out and once again declared, ‘what happened?’
I see and enjoy all three of the prequels for what they are. I won’t go into the reasons for that here. But I honestly believe the main reason people have such disdain for them, notably Phantom Menace, is because they were expecting the highest of orders. They were expecting to see everything that made one of the best villains in history tick within one film. They also were not expecting the senate hearings, and things which eventually led to the Galactic Empire being built from the ground up. Are the scenes boring? Sure. But what someone brings into the film in anticipation of it has almost everything to do with why they hate it. And of course, they were not expecting Jar Jar. Yet as I have already outlined many times, I do not hate it.
Of course, I have many examples of these instances happening to me in which I DO fully understand the reasons why it did not live up to my anticipation. James Cameron promised a movie which would change the way movies were made in the years and months leading up to Avatar‘s 2009 release. But was it all for the better? I have watched Avatar a grand total of one time since it left theaters (I saw it two times in that capacity, both in 3D) and none since. Rewatching the movie without the experience of living in Cameron’s 3D world is a downer. The story is completely lackluster, and there are certain times I would argue that some of Cameron’s dialogue would wilt in comparison to even Lucas’s. But in looking back, was there anything more to expect from the man who had never been known as a smart dialogue writer? Not really, I guess. But in Avatar I anticipated a movie I had not seen a hundred times before in less expensive (and much better) features before it.
The 2010 remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street was another film which went on my radar the moment it was announced. Freddy Krueger was a character that, despite only being a few steps up from a poor hapless chap getting his heart ripped out in Temple of Doom, forever cemented my love for horror. But it is no secret that after an admittedly enjoyable part IV, the series quickly went into a downward spiral, until eventually being bookended by a remarkably shitty and pretentious movie called Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. So when Platinum Dunes announced they were moving ahead with a remake, I found myself getting incredibly excited. Even the first film, in watching it now, falls apart at the seams after the midway point. So how about a dark take on a character which has the potential to be one of the scariest in history? Put notable character actor Jackie Earle Haley in the fedora, and you have a winner. Right? RIGHT?!
I guess if I had a movie going experience similar to those people who say they hate Phantom Menace had, it would be this one. Not as much a remake as a stilted piece of shit and rehash of old scenes using computer graphics as opposed to practical effects, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 just stomped all over any sort of anticipation I may have had. Why turn the character of Freddy Krueger from a scary scar-faced entity…to a muppet-faced scumbag….is baffling, and how epic a fail director Samuel Bayer and producer Michael Bay pulled off with this remake is beyond words. Thank God there was never a sequel to squash any more dreams I had of seeing a good Freddy movie ever again.
So what is it about anticipation that gets us where it hurts? I don’t know. What I do know is that if the outside world doesn’t get you, your very own anticipation will. Just once, I would like a movie to sneak up on me. With so many cinematic influences out there, many of which are mentioned above, and social media making it harder and harder to do so, it is looking like an unending battle to once again find that lightning in a bottle.
What are some of YOUR most anticipated letdowns?
Manny Pacquiao vs Floyd Mayweather Thoughts
I know this column is already way over worded and the great Luke Norris is waiting with baited breath to get his thoughts on it out there. But I thought my feelings on last Saturday’s fight, the most anticipated in decades, kind of echoes the theme of what this entire column has been about. I felt from the beginning that this fight was held five years too late. That being said, even though I really had no dog in the fight, I still thought there was potential for it to be even better than anticipated. Coming in, all people said is that no one could take it to Mayweather like Pacquiao could. And the only way Pacquiao would have a chance is if he did exactly that, and not let Mayweather pile on points and run.
Yet, there was always the solid chance that Mayweather would not let that happen. So after paying $89.95 to see Mayweather lose, people are now calling him a coward for fighting like he did and winning like he has for 90% of his fights. Even though he has done it almost his entire career. So I will say it again: What did people expect? I better take this moment to say that as someone who did not have to pay as much to watch it, I guess my thoughts are kind of stilted.
Afterwards, retired boxer Oscar De La Hoya took to Twitter criticizing Mayweather for running like he did (even though De La Hoya did the same exact tactic in the later rounds of a 1999 fight after he thought he had Felix Trinidad beaten by points), Mayweather bragged about making $100 million on the fight, and Pacquiao made himself look even worse by saying it was a shoulder injury which prevented him from fighting like he wanted to. The funniest part of all this is that the shoulder injury will probably make Pacquiao pursue a rematch, people will still pay out of the bank to hopefully watch Mayweather lose, and the only people who lose are those aching for a big money fight to be entertaining. And then the A word starts all over again.
There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to last week’s post that I wanted to follow it up with something equally divisive. How so, you ask? By explaining a bunch of pieces of total bullshit in otherwise awesome movies. Now I know some of you are gonna think this is nitpicking, but in the same way modern-day sports gods need to be humbled, there are some classic movies that really fuck things up now and again that get a free pass. I say that’s crap, brothers. Now before I get into it, I do want to note that all of these films are favorites of mine that I have seen more times than I can count, which is why I feel I can give them their share of shit, so before anyone wants to jump down my throat and accuse me of not understanding the “style” or “aesthetic”, I’m putting that shit to bed right now. Here they are…
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Yes, that’s right. The Spielberg classic that encouraged young children to start using more whips, Raiders is a great movie on all fronts. It has a classic character, great set-pieces, some solid dialogue and the fucking Nazis are the bad guys. It’s just a shame no one actually thought through the plot before making the film. You see, Raiders follows a really solid action film plot structure with the exception of one key element. In Raiders, quite literally everything Indiana Jones does means NOTHING to the outcome of the story. We see him try to stop the Nazis from uncovering the Ark, but when they do they’re too stupid to not look at the damn thing. Had Jones never even tried to stop the Germans, I have a feeling the exact same thing would have happened. It’s actually an incredibly glaring and stupid error in what is otherwise a bonafide classic, but it’s one of those things I can never unsee. Pity. It’s also a shame they do the exact same thing in the third film, but that’s none of my business…
Django Unchained
Django has a different problem altogether, and it stops this film from edging past Pulp Fiction in my Tarantino film-rankings. I direct your attention to the end of the film, where we have Django and Schultz in a shootout with Candie’s men at Candyland. This here is the ultimate climax of the film and needs no additional falling action. In this scene, had it been written a little tighter, could have wrapped everything up, with only Django and Broomhilda left standing to ride off into the sunset. Instead, when the movie FEELS like it should end, we get another twenty minutes of exposition where, coincidentally enough, Tarantino shows up for his cameo. I’m not saying this sequence kills the film, but every time I watch it it’s the one piece of the movie that takes me out of it. Kinda bullshit, maybe it worked better on paper.
The Prestige
For a long time I couldn’t watch this movie because of how it ends. Nowadays I enjoy it purely as a smarter-than-average popcorn flick, but that doesn’t change how horribly botched the ending is. I am about to spoil the FUCK out of this movie, so don’t read ahead if you haven’t seen it/don’t want to know. Basically, by the end of the film, you get a scene where Bale murders Jackman in cold blood because of some transgressions in the past. My issue here is one of unequal and biased writing. By the end of the film, and throughout the runtime, we are led to believe that, though taken to extremes, these two magicians want to one-up each other. Furthermore, in my mind, Bale is the true evil here, being that his “trick” is the reason why Jackman’s wife/assistant was murdered at the start of the film. So, to me, it seems like either poor writing or an oversight that Bale gets the happy ending and is reunited with his daughter. They paint a really negative picture of Jackman’s character and I have never thought that was fair or right. I know this seems like a lot of stock in a made up story, but ESPECIALLY for someone like Nolan this feels like the compromise of a rushed script.
Back to the Future Part II
This is a really complicated issue but I’ll do my best to explain it. We have to go to the scene midway through the film where Doc and Marty park the DeLorean in Marty and Jennifer’s future neighborhood. When they do this, Old Biff steals the DeLorean and, we learn later on, brings the Sports Almanac to 1950’s Biff, thereby altering the timeline. However, by some miracle, Old Biff is able to return to a future that FOR HIM should not exist. If he went back and altered things in the 50’s, he should be traveling to a future version of the hellish Biff-run Hill Valley that Marty later ends up in. Instead, Old Biff travels back to the future where Marty and Jennifer have a family, where Old Biff then stumbles out of the car. From there, Marty and Doc travel to the Biff hell-Hill Valley and the movie goes from there. If I explained myself correctly, you should understand that even with the conceit that we’re buying into the grandfather time-travel theory, this whole sequence doesn’t even play by those rules. This is some bullshit, but this movie might have the greatest ending to any movie ever so I can’t stay mad.
The Godfather
So The Godfather is in contention to be the greatest film ever made, and it should be. Anyone who doubts its greatness is doing so out of spite. The Godfather is a masterwork of unparalleled greatness all around, from the acting to the direction and the unique cinematography. But, like the other films on this list, there is something here that I cannot abide by. It’s maybe the most obvious, glaring mistake in ANY movie and somehow no one really seems to mind. I’m talking, of course, about the Carlo/Sonny fight in the middle of the street. This is without equal as far as fake fighting goes. I simply haven’t seen a poorer excuse for action blocking and scene composition. It’s like the cinematographer doesn’t even try to find another angle to shoot it at, but instead just lets things play out. I understand Jimmy Caan was somewhat of a loose cannon but this scene is god-awful. Again, it’s not knocking this off my top films list, but it needs to be said, this scene is bullshit.
So another week, another list. What will we have next week? Not sure yet but I can guarantee it will be interesting. Happy Halloween to everyone, tune in for our FINAL Boardwalk commentary this week, some more Walking Dead and the daily blogs, and as always Binge On!
Not a lot to report on this week in the movie department, as I had one revisit and a pair of fresh watches. The rewatch was Guardians of the Galaxy, which I won’t get into again. On the second watch though, I’ve gotta wonder, how many Marvel movies are going to end with a gigantic airship battle? Seriously, gotta spice it up there, Disney. As far as documentaries go, there are some so shockingly odd that they must be seen. One such flick is Crazy Love, the story of Burt Pugach and Linda Riss’s awkward love story. Attempting to give you the bullet points without spoiling the story would be ridiculous, so I’ll just say anyone who likes docs should give this one a watch.
Last Action Hero was always an Arnold flick that I wanted to give a fair shake. Years ago, I remember watching the film and not being into it. Something about the tone being too hokey and out-of-left-field rubbed me the wrong way when I was younger, but I’m happy to report that after years of experiencing truly shitty action films, Last Action Hero, while not without its issues, is a solid action movie satire. It pales in comparison to something like the brilliant Hot Fuzz, but for what it was trying to do, Last Action Hero still has a lot of great ideas. The biggest problem you run into when thinking about the plot is the same issue that Raiders of the Lost Ark has, albeit here it is way more obvious: the plot has no depth or drama because everything that happens does so on autopilot. In Raiders, you could argue that Indy has no impact on what happens to the Nazis because they would have always been stupid enough to open and look at the Ark. Here, something odd happens in the end of the third act where Gandalf shows up as Death from The Seventh Seal, only to appear before Jack Slater and tell the kid “I was curious”. Excuse me, but what the fuck does that mean? The mess of this movie’s production is well documented and I won’t go into that here, but knowing that and also knowing the hate people have for it, I can honestly say I don’t get it. Schwarzenegger flicks like End of Days or Eraser are far worse than this, which makes its failure all the more depressing. Still though, time has been good to this movie, and I absolutely would call myself a fan.
Fantasy football is back and I had my first draft this past weekend. What you see above is my lineup for one of my leagues, minus a trade that swaps Shane Vereen for Fred Jackson and the Bears D for Denver’s D. I know Kupka isn’t a fan of this but fantasy football makes me gain more of an appreciation for the sport. If you asked me two years ago who the quarterback of the Panthers is, I couldn’t fucking tell you because I was an arrogant Pats fan. I’m still a Pats fan (because they rule) but by paying attention to your fantasy lineup, you get more out of the season. While some people see that as something that ties up their Sundays, I look forward to getting together with the family, having some beverages and screaming at the tv for three hours.
Finally, this week I had my bi-monthly Who re-invigoration. What happens once every few months is, in my musical travels, I always circle back to The Who, whether I want to or not. This past week, I was all about their Live at the Isle of Wight performance, with a fantastic rendition of Water, a rare b-side from the Who’s Next days. I love coming back to these guys because they were the hub and center of musical universe for a long time, and coming back to some of their work always feels like hanging out with old friends. Also, because fuckin’ Bob put up one of his school projects, I decided to put up one of mine, starring none other than the gentlemen pictured above. While the video quality is comprised of a lot of youtube stuff, the editing makes it work pretty damn well, and it’s something that myself and my friend Bill Barry worked for a few months on. Keep an ear out for some Strain commentary (possibly featuring Russian Rat Dick) and the boys daily blogs. Binge on!
Yesterday I was hanging out on my back deck with my brother and 11 year old nephew, talking shit about movies. My brother and I are going line after line with this movie and that, when my nephew mentions the classic UHF. Then all three of us start going line for line on the flick. Pretty soon, we’re talking about what movies to introduce my nephew to. He still has one foot in the G rating, with the other foot testing the PG-13 waters. In sharp contrast, my brother and I were already watching Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy stand up. In fact, our dad took us to the theater to see Eddie Murphy’s RAW (1987) when I was 9 and my brother was 12. Thanks Pop.
Jim Law and Ammon often talk about what movies we grew up on that would be appropriate to show their growing kids, and thinking about last night’s conversation, I decided to write up a list of movies that would be perfect to introduce to a budding tween film geek.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
A no-brainer. Indiana Jones may be the greatest adventurer that ever adventured. He’s a fearless badass who doesn’t take any shit and loves the ladies. Any kind of “mission” or “quest” type of film will pull a young kid right in, but to do it with the style and panache that Indy brings to the table sets this apart from all the rest. And his fear of snakes makes Indy all the more real and relatable.
What They’ll Learn: To be wary of snakes and Nazis.
Goonies
Another no brainer. Another “mission/quest” type movie. Could be the perfect blend of kid and adult movie. Your young tween will have their lil imagination captured by the hunt for the lost pirate ship, while understanding the bigger narrative of being faced with losing the best friends you’ll ever have. And they’ll develop their first crush on Andy or Bran. Or Data if they’re into that whole Asian James Bond thing.
What They’ll Learn: Chunk’s unflinching loyalty to Sloth will teach them that when they’re older and drop their own kid, chances are some fat kid will be their friend.
The Outsiders
At some point, every kid feels like an outsider. Especially as a tween, you start noticing things that set you apart from others: the way you walk or talk, the food or TV shows you like, the fact that you’re poor Oklahoma white trash and preppies chase you in their Mustangs. Kids will relate to Pony Boy’s sensitivity and the camaraderie the greasers share with each other. An “us vs them” vibe is very prevalent growing up, and the movie will show your young greaser (please don’t let them be Socs) that friendship and brotherhood are vital to their growth.
What They’ll Learn: Don’t run into burning fucking churches like an asshole. Also, do it for Johnny.
Magnolia
A sprawling, family epic. Kids will go into Magnolia looking for that “cool dude” from Edge of Tomorrow, but will be captivated by Tom Cruise’s performance of the testosterone fueled, yet flawed, Frank TJ Mackey. Kids will cheer for young Stanley Spector to dominate “What Do Kids Know”, pull for John C Reilly to get his shit together, and use “Quiz Kid” Donnie Smith as a cautionary tale against ever getting braces.
What They’ll Learn: Don’t be a dick to your parents, and don’t be a dick to your kids when you have them. Also, respect the cock.
Reservoir Dogs
Crime never pays. But it does look cool and fun. Whether you have a male or female tween, your young film geek will appreciate a bunch of guys talking shit at a breakfast table before they do a job. See also: guys on a mission movie. They’ll appreciate the snappy banter, K Billy’s Super Sounds of the 70s, and how Tarantino chooses to juxtapose Mr. Blonde dancing to Stealers Wheel with the “ear cutting” scene. Sure there’s a lot of blood, but there’s also a lot of sweat and tears. And those kind of things kids relate to. Hard work, we’re talking about here. And it’s so quotable. How cool will it be the next time you stub your toe, your kid yells, “You’re gonna be okayyyy!”
What They’ll Learn: Don’t be a rat. How to spot a rat. How to be a professional. And not to treat black women from Ladora Heights (the Black Beverly Hills) like shit.
As the Mexican lurks around Michigan on his mystery tour, Ammon and Law strap in for another epic conversation about TV, movies, books, and drunk stupidity. Ammon previews his Friday the 13th camping trip next weekend and elaborates on how his wife and him will probably be slaughtered in their tent.
Google Voice is no match for Ammon at this point. He takes a few of the most ridiculous messages ever and nails them without even thinking twice. And he cheats a little bit.
TV Round-Up is jam-packed with talk of Game of Thrones, Fargo, 24, Hannibal, Orange Is the New Black, and Hannibal.
We both check out GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL (and give an actual review that makes sense) and EDGE OF TOMORROW and spew love out of every one of our orifices. Then Ammon revisits MULHOLLAND DRIVE and RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK with his kids for the first time and catches up with BLUE RUIN and GODZILLA. Law also checks out 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE and WILLOW CREEK.
Stay tuned for our penultimate commentaries for Game of Thrones and Fargo later this week!
Imagine if Twitter always existed and every movie character that ever existed used it as normally as people today do. That’s it, that’s the concept for what you’ll see below. I’m drunk as shit.
The first battle of the Elite 8 is a doozy. Both of these caps basically cruised into this round. Something tells me moving on isn’t going to be easy for either. Two iconic captures. One vote. Go ahead.
We’re down to eight caps in the Epic Screencap Championship and I have to admit, I’m kind of surprised at some of the picks. I honestly didn’t expect to see JAWS or THE GODFATHER make it this far and now they’re facing off against each other which means one of them will be in the Final Four. The rest of the match-ups are going to be tight. Take a look at the updated bracket below and get ready to vote tomorrow.