There’s a lot of things that can take me out of a film from the get-go. The wrong snacks. Bad previews. Sharting. When it came down to watching JAMESY BOY I had none of these issues. I was completely in tune with my obligation as a film reviewer and totally prepared for anything. Then the main character showed his smug face and I hated this movie. There are moments that followed that swayed my opinion on the dude but, for the most part, I couldn’t stand anything about this kid and his “gangsta life”.
And that’s the BIG problem here, I’ve never heard of James Burns and his real-life issues. The farther I got into this movie made me wonder why there was a movie made about him. James (Spencer Lofranco) is a dirtbag, no doubt, but is he anywhere near the level of dirtbag that warrants a film being made about his life transformation? No. Hell no. He gets into fights. He gets kicked out of schools. He ignores his mother’s (Mary-Louise Parker) constant display of support and love. He joins a gang. He gets caught doing stupid shit with his stupid gun and his stupid mouth. Simply put, he’s a stupid kid that deserves basically everything that happens to him.
So there I am, with absolutely no connection to our Justin Bieber wanna-be lead character, and I’m trying to get myself involved with other aspects of the film. Specifically, the presence of James Woods and Ving Rhames should be able to pull this all together, right? Not really. Woods is a hard-assed correctional officer lieutenant that basically hates when stuff happens on his watch. Rhames is the mysterious inmate with a notorious legend. Neither get to steal any scenes. Rhames actually barely stands up during the film. I would say 8% of his screen time is spent not sitting down, reading, or brooding. Tarissa Farmiga (from American Horror Story) shows up as a love interest of sorts for James and leaves me wondering what women see in losers like this every time they spend time together.
JAMESY BOY is supposed to be one of those “kid with a good heart gets in with the wrong crowd” type films but lacks any compassion for the lead pretty boy. His life wasn’t that bad. He makes it bad by making ridiculously stupid decisions and trying to act tough. Why do I care if a kid like this is taken off the streets? I don’t. The other message driven home here is that our troubled youth can turn things around and make a life for themselves. It’s a fine message but when delivered through poetry, finally taking your mom’s advice, and not being a douchbag – you hardly deserve a standing ovation.
I’m happy for James Burns and I’m glad he’s turned his life around but I’m going to forget about him the second I finish this review. Good luck.
For our fifth and final Binge Cast of the week we give you Movie Homework. Hopefully you all studied hard so that you can join Moreno and Law for a drunken look back at one of the greatest holiday movies ever made. What’s with the horrendous soundtrack? Didn’t Steve Martin notice how gross the bathroom was before he got in the shower? How many times does Martin use the word “fucking” in his classic rant? There’s a post-credit scene? All these questions are answered, and more. Plus, we get the lowdown on Moreno’s bowling history and find out whether or not he had his own ball (he did).
Happy Thanksgiving, psychotic Americans, or as I like to call it – Moreno’s birthday.
The Parkers are cannibals, a tradition followed since early in the family history. Following the accidental death of his wife, Frank Paker (Bill Sage), is completely broken up, and now has to raise his three children alone.
I wasn’t sure what to think while coming into this movie, I didn’t watch the trailer, but I’ve seen the poster and plot floating around the net for a few months now. I don’t really have any movie to compare this to, since cannibalism isn’t exactly a hot topic, especially an ultra-realistic take on the taboo. This is a retelling of the Spanish movie “Somos Lo Que Hay”, as the plots aren’t exact; the subject matter is the same.
I was surprised with this, I wasn’t expecting the slow burn type of horror movie, and honestly I’m not too much of a fan of those. I thought I was coming into a movie where we see people killed and eaten, but that couldn’t be further from what I watched. Frank has an old journal that dates a couple of centuries into his family history, where a man and woman, along with their two daughters, were stranded in the woods. When the wife dies, the husband decides to secretly use the corpse of his wife to feed him and his children. As the story progresses, we see that this man teaches the oldest daughter to cut off pieces of meat herself.
What started as a necessity turned into a way of living according to Frank and we aren’t even sure why he made the decision to bring his kids up the same way as his ancestors. What we do know is that his daughters realize that they are different, and don’t want to be this way.
When the time comes to Frank’s daughters to prepare their dinner for the first time, we’re spared any and all gory details, we’re merely shown the above image, followed almost immediately by a pot of chili. From this point on, the daughters no longer want any part of their father’s beliefs, but they soon learn that it isn’t as simple as they think to run away.
I’d say that I was impressed by this, I can’t really think of any other movie relating to cannibalism that wasn’t a straight up horror movie, or a retelling of true events. One of the more disturbing things about this movie would be the fact that kids are eating other people, which seems to be even more so disgusting. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but there was an eventual climax, and a telling revelation regarding the two girls. The acting was fantastic all around, with small roles from Michael Parks and the always aging Kelly McGillis.
If you enjoy something slow and deliberate, go ahead and check this out.
“Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m gonna read this, and you’re gonna listen, and you’re gonna stay on the line. And you’re not gonna interrupt, and you’re not gonna speak for any reason. Some of this you know. I’m gonna start at the top of the page. Meticulous, yes. Methodical, educated; they were these things. Nothing extreme. Like anyone, they varied. There were days of mistakes and laziness and in-fighting, and there were days, good days, when by anyone’s judgment they would have to be considered clever. No one would say that what they were doing was complicated. It wouldn’t even be considered new, except for maybe in the geological sense. They took from their surroundings what was needed and made of it something more.”
Never have I watched something that immediately left me intrigued, confused, and completely in love at the same time. Primer isn’t a normal film, but rather some strange type of voyeurism, the film expects you to know what’s going on, without any questions, and does not provide any answers. Everything is done with such a matter of fact, yet completely confusing and thought provoking. You will not understand this film upon initial viewing, mainly due to the complexity of time travel and paradoxes. Secondly, the dialogue between the characters is so rapid fire and constantly overlapped by one another. Many times throughout the film you’re going to be saying to yourself “what just happened, exactly?”
But therein lies the beauty, Primer isn’t meant to be completely concise, admittedly so from Shane Carruth in various interviews. Certain things are intentionally left out, or explained in a vague manner in which only the two characters can understand. The best way to describe this would be when an inside joke is told by a small group of people, while you don’t understand it (because you aren’t part of the group), they’re laughing hysterically. You’ll have no choice but to feel like an outsider during the mere 77 minute runtime, personally, I like this.
With the first viewing, you will find yourself wondering the importance of certain scenes, or ask yourself why the characters decided to do things in a specific way. You will not find answers to these questions, but with repeat viewings, the pieces begin to fit together in what is already an enormous and strenuous puzzle, where only the center is complete, and you will find that the corners and edges are missing, therefore not knowing the size or scope. I’m not completely convinced that the answers are buried in the film, I’m almost inclined to believe that my mind might be grasping for straws that don’t exist.
In regards to Shane Carruth himself, something must be said for the ability to take a ~$10,000 budget and turn that into something special, and surprisingly well shot. Not only that, but this is his first feature length where he directed, produced, edited, and scored. The only justifiable complaint that I have would be the sound mixing, all of the characters dialogue overlaps each other and in some cases require rewinding.
Do yourself a favor and watch Primer over, and over.
“Now I have repaid any debt I may have owed you. You know all that I know. My voice is the only proof that you will have of the truth of any of this. I might have written a letter with my signature, but my handwriting is not what it used to be. Maybe you’ve had the presence of mind to record this. That’s your prerogative. You will not be contacted by me again. And if you look…You will not find me.”
Ever wonder how to break into the drug game? Well then this is for you; this documentary literally tells you how to go about sourcing out the product, whether it be weed or cocaine, and the steps to take in order to make money. All sounds well and good, almost sounds like a satirical take on the under belly of society – but these are real drug dealers explaining the details.
We’re shown the hierarchy of the drug game, starting with the “pawns”, who are basically the street corner dealers, then all the way up to kingpin. People are featured in each category, breaking down how much money they would make on a daily or annual basis. There is also a segment explaining the differences between drug dealers in lower class environments as opposed to an upper class, mostly white environment.
One of the more compelling segments of this documentary revolves around Barry Cooper, a former police officer who led more drug busts in a single month than the DEA in an entire year. The corruption he witnessed helped him decide to leave the police force in order to help bring down dirty cops, or cops who would break the law in order to make an arrest, for example; planting drugs on a suspect with a previous drug charge.
This is very interesting, some heavy hitters are featured, one of them being Freeway Rick Ross, who is believed to be the man who introduced crack cocaine to the west coast. At his peak, he was making around 2 million per day. Besides him, we’re introduced to some pretty colorful characters, and shown clips of real life busts, police corruption, and the fact that the drug laws in this country are stricter than homicide.
About ¾ of the time we’re shown the high life revolving around the drug game, and the seemingly limitless earning potential. The final ¼ shows the harsh reality of drug busts, Mexican cartel scare tactics and innocent people being put behind bars due to snitches to save their own life.
I’d recommend this if you’re a fan of Cocaine Cowboys and its sequel, as this is yet another great documentary. Some notable interviews with 50 Cent, Eminem, Susan Sarandon, Russell Simmons and Woody Harrelson.
The Lowdown: Tim Curry throws a weird fucking party to unveil his newest boy-toy creation, all set to music. There’s some other stuff going on but honestly that’s all you need to know.
The Breakdown: Rocky Horror…quite simply THE midnight/cult movie. Impossible to resist, almost everyone has at least tried to watch Rocky Horror. It’s a different type of entertainment for sure, but there aren’t many Halloween films as fun as this one. You’ve got the cliched Frankenstein’s monster subplot, complete with Igor-like assistant. There is, of course, the irreplaceable Meat Loaf as a rock n’ roll biker boy. Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick ham it up as the all-American naive couple. TRHPS has a lot going for it, and while I can understand the hatred this movie incurs amongst a lot of cinephiles it remains, year after year, a staple of my spooktastic October festivities.
The cheese on display in this movie can be summed up in its’ most intriguing character: Dr. Frank N. Furter, played immortally by Tim Curry. This is Curry’s defining role, in a career full of standout performances. Somehow, Curry’s brashness and bravado shine through, creating genuine moments for the character despite the ridiculous nature of what he does. His energy level being ramped all the way up to 11 does wonders for the role and makes the film. Richard O’Brien is also noteworthy as Riff Raff, the Igor clone with a hidden agenda. Plot and strength of script really are not what this film is remembered for. Rocky Horror’s legacy is directly tied to its’ phenomenal music.
Rocky Horror has one of my all time favorite movie soundtracks. Almost every tune is a toe-tapper, from the legendary Time Warp to Rose Tint My World. For a film that is SO bad it’s good, the music is surprisingly strong, almost eclipsing the movie itself. As a musical, Rocky Horror fires on all cylinders. Oftentimes, musicals feel contrived because no matter what is going on on-screen, the characters have to stop at some point to sing plot details or inconsequential catchphrases. Rocky Horror relishes these moments, and because of the absurdity of the plot all the dance numbers really fucking work. There’s a sense of fun that pervades the film but it really shines through music.
The Comedown: I’ve always had a soft spot for Rocky Horror, I admit it. The hilarious premise of an alien invasion/sci-fi sendup through song is just a great idea to me that I think was executed with some serious movie magic. This film shouldn’t work. It’s got a horrible script, mostly stale caricatures in its’ lead actors and a meandering plot that doesn’t say much about our lead characters. Yet, somehow, Rocky Horror is still the longest running midnight movie? What does that say about us as a movie watching community? I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. I do know, however, that I enjoy watching Tim Curry run around in a leather bustier, singing about how much he loves dressing in said bustier. Sue me.
So what happens when the rapture actually comes? All of the church-goers and goody two shoes are lifted off to heaven, while the degenerates, blasphemers and the like are sentenced to Hell on Earth for the rest of their lives.
Lindsey (Ana Kendrick) and her boyfriend Ben (John Francis Daley) are enjoying a night out at the local bowling alley, when without notice, half the people in the place vanish and only their clothes remain. Soon after, the locusts show up, the skies rain blood, the crows spout obscenities, and demons walk the Earth, who eventually get bored and turn into potheads.
The Anti-Christ shall cometh, and he shall reside in Seattle, and be played by Craig Robinson. After coming into power, he insists on being called “The Beast”.
Written by Chris Matheson, who wrote both Bill and Ted films came up with something hilarious here, and the cast was perfect. Besides Kendrick and Robinson, we have Rob Corddry, Thomas Lennon, Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer, Tyler Labine, Ana Gasteyer, and Ken Jeong, and they all shine.
Robinson’s Beast is portrayed closer to a mafia boss or kingpin rather than concentrated evil, but it’s alright, because he’s damn hilarious. The shit that comes out of his mouth is some of the dirtiest I’ve heard outside of a Kevin Smith movie, all while playing it completely straight. He may be the ruler of Hell on Earth, but all he seems to want is to get laid.
The highlight of the film has to be the battle between God and Satan, which isn’t as “biblical” in scale as you might think, and the battle starts with one of the best lines in the film; “You laser beamed Jesus.”
I would highly recommend this film if you’re fans of Kevin Smith’s humor from 15-20 years ago (holy shit it’s hard to believe it was that long ago), or if you’re into the obscenity filled, overtly dirty comedies of more recent. The satire is very thick here, but there isn’t an underlying message being forced down your throat, so I love that.
I will preface this by saying that while I’m not a full blown Trekkie by any means, I have seen the entire original trilogy, all of the films and much of the Next Generation, so I am more of a Trek journeyman than anything else. Ask me to recite a sentence in Klingon and you’ve lost me, but if you were to ask if David Warner appeared in any of the flicks, I’d be able to answer correctly (two flicks as two different characters, bitch).
I was hoping Into Darkness would be a strong entry into the franchise. The trailers, posters and TV spots made it look like a worthy, stalwart follow-up to the, in my opinion, magnificently constructed reboot. That film did a notable job of taking elements that were canon to the universe as a whole and reconstructing the parameters of what we knew about these classic characters, creating a fresh spin on Kirk, Spock and the rest of the crew that did not feel like a retread of what came before it. You could argue that Eric Bana’s villain was headstrong and underwritten, but since he wasn’t the focus that doesn’t bother me. All these elements make it that much more disappointing that Into Darkness not only keeps a pain-by-numbers approach to the plot but also simultaneously shits in the mouth of Gene Roddenberry’s ghost.
The film starts off with a technically impressive chase through the woods and an Enterprise underwater. It was really interesting seeing that for the first time, and gave me hope that we truly were going where no man has gone before in this film. In fact, for the first half of the film I was mostly intrigued. Kirk seemed to be immature given his rank, and Cumberbatchs’ mysterious villain seemed pretty cool. That is, until, he mentioned that his name is “Khan”, a surprise that I had surmised before getting to the theater. Khan was a great Trek adversary in his original incarnation, but overall a shitty villain. Take Khan out of Trek and put him in any other situation and you have a pathetic, easily beaten old man. Ricardo Montalban is what makes Khan work. His delivery, persona and presence make Khan operatic, cheesy and schmaltzy, and Trek fans, myself included, love him for his campiness. Reinventing Khan is an intriguing idea, and I think for the most part Cumberbatch does a good job. However, it is his reveal in the film where the plot becomes a pandering, fan-servicing fuck up that flies in the face of everything that made The Wrath of Khan so great.
First of all, who the FUCK thought it was a good idea, after the reboot, to then “re-imagine” The Wrath of Khan. Now I know what people will say, “This is a new timeline/Khan is different”. That is bullshit. This film is clearly trying to milk every drop of milk from the teat that is Star Trek II, inserting lines from that film and lifting a third act plot point DIRECTLY from that older, stronger film, but more on that later. The problems with this film stem from what I believe to be a fundamental misinterpretation of the overall theme and point of Star Trek II, which is one of sacrifice. Spock, in Trek II, needs to sacrifice himself for the “good of the many”, a lesson of humility that is essential to his arc as a character. His loss, reflected onto Kirk and the rest of the crew, is arguably the most powerful Trek scene of all time and holds up today. In STID, switching the roles and making Kirk sacrifice himself, only to be revived by a FUCKING Tribble’s blood (FUCK Tribbles) mere minutes later is pedestrian writing. What is the FUCKING POINT of rehashing a beat from a previous film but taking away all the emotion? “Killing” Kirk was childish and stupid, and subconsciously something that absolutely no one believed would last. There’s no feeling behind the act, and it makes the film feel more polished and, ultimately, more bland.
I had other gripes with the film, particularly how it blatantly breaks Trek lore and clearly gives no fucks about doing it. First of all, the Enterprise hasn’t gone on their “Five-Year Mission”, meaning technically, they shouldn’t have found Khan yet. Now the film explains this, saying that because of the events of the first film Starfleet is exploring space at a rapid rate, searching for whatever they can, and that Khan’s ship was found floating out amongst the stars. However, how the FUCK is a Tribble in here if Kirk and the Enterprise haven’t found it yet? I know I’m harping on a small detail, but it shows that the filmmakers are only interested in connecting this film to everything that’s come before it with showy, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameos that are contrived and meaningless in the grand perspective of the film. In Batman Begins, before Nolan planned out a second entry, the subtle hint of Victor Zsasz being in Arkham was effective and only there for the most ardent fans of the lore. Most people don’t even notice he shows up. His presence in the film is a nice easter-egg that doesn’t impact the pacing or tone of the film whatsoever. The reference exists in the film and needs no additional films or plot details to explain or justify its inclusion. By shoehorning in the Tribble-blood miracle cure in the third act, the filmmakers took an obvious reference and made it overtake the plot of the film. This is bullshit of the highest order. Geek culture films have risen above this pedestrian type of contrivance and don’t need these “Oh look at me!” moments in their films.
My last gripe is the climax of the film. There haven’t been many films that successfully allow their villain to live by the end and still be brought to a satisfying conclusion. The Empire Strikes Back, Kill Bill Volume I and The Dark Knight have done it well, but here it was such a resounding bit of hurried bullshit that I laughed the last ten minutes of the film off. By just freezing Khan mid-arc screams two things. The first of which is “We don’t know what to do with this character now”. The second is “He’d be great in the sequel!”. Neither of these sentiments have any business being in an entertaining film. I can’t articulate how upsetting it was to see them shelve Khan for Part 3.
Having Spock get into an emotional fistfight was, without question, probably the single silliest thing I’ve seen thus far in Trek lore. Spock is a character that has the ability to rise above his environment and keep a cool, calm demeanor. He is not a physically imposing adversary, although he can handle himself in a fight, very methodically. I hated that he just punched Khan really hard and managed to beat him, the Eugenics-infused demi-God of the old Earth. Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid.
All-in-all, Star Trek Into Darkness is easily the most potent misstep in the series as it tries to re-do what was done before it, failing miserably, and that is why Star Trek Into Darkness sucks!
Man, what a disappointment. Despite the fact that director Rawson Marshall Thurber has a creative output so glacial that it almost qualifies as Mallick-y, I loved DODGEBALL in ways that are likely illegal in most states. So when I found out he had a new straight up comedy coming out I was very excited. Unfortunately this movie is not a return to form. In fact, outside of a few standout scenes (most of which are at least hinted at in the trailers) it’s hard to recommend this even as a rental.
The concept is promising enough. A low level drug dealer is forced to smuggle a “smidge” of weed into the US from Mexico. He decides the best way to do that is to pose as a fake, wholesome family. To sell the illusion he employs a stripper, a runaway, and a clueless rube. Believable, no. Funny set up, though, yes. Unfortunately the casting kind of fails here. All of the leads seem more like their fake selves than the reprobates they are supposed to be. So you mostly miss out on the conflict created by who they are pretending to be. Which means largely losing out on the comedic potential of the idea.
An even bigger part of the problem is how unlikable Jason Sudekis is as the lead. I enjoy the guy’s work, and don’t hate him for landing Olivia Wilde like some do, but he’s such a self-involved jackass throughout this that it’s not much fun watching him and his fake family go through all their drug smuggling hijinks. If you had a different, edgier actor this might have worked, but instead he just seems like a guy who should be a wholesome family man but really sucks at it. I ended up wanting the guy to fail.
Really putting the nail in the coffin is the fact that the script isn’t all that funny. Broad strokes are fine, but without some focus a lot of the laughs here feel like they came out of a talented improv class without any editing to really make them land. This feels like all set up with very little pay-off throughout the whole damn flick. It’s like the cheap strip club of comedies.
But, if you do go check it out anyway, all is not totally lost. Will Poulter as the dim but well meaning Kenny has a serious breakout role here. The kid is gold every time he’s got the spotlight on him. There’s also a pretty epic twist on the coming of age first kiss which is well worth checking out.
Other than that there’s a pretty sold post-credit scene, and that’s about it. I admit this may have suffered a bit because of my excitement for the film, but man, what a downer for a good looking vehicle like this to fall so damn flat.