maggie grace

Why This Sucks: Taken

By Jack Falvey IV

Acting is a job. I get that. It’s been called one of the greatest and one of the worst jobs in the world, and by God it must be difficult to turn down a massive payday for appearing in a bonafide shitstorm from time to time. Even the actor’s actor, Gary Oldman, whose casting in the new Robocop screams cashgrab, stoops to these levels. I guess it’s not something all actors are lucky enough to avoid, but there are some performers who I feel are above this sort of thing. If you had asked me before 2008 to make you a list of great actors who wouldn’t resort to this kind of acting, Liam Neeson would easily be a guy I’d have thrown up there. Sure, Episode I didn’t pan out, but I wouldn’t begrudge the guy for trying to get involved in the Star Wars franchise. Films like Michael Collins, Batman Begins and, of course, Schindler’s List did a lot to give Neeson a level of credibility the Irish actor maintained for a long while. He’s just not the kind of talent I can buy half-assing a mediocre action performance, and unfortunately Taken proved to be a horribly miscast mess.

Neeson was stunt casting for this movie. He’s the only A-lister in the film, whose script is a poor fucking excuse for Neeson to move from A to B to C and punch all of the bad guys in their turkey necks along the way, even the ones that wear funny hats. Nothing about the performance or the story calls for Neeson, and that’s the biggest problem with the movie. For such a simple film, you’d think that they would have given his character something to do, but essentially the plot comes off as a clichéd paint-by-numbers thriller straight from the early 90’s. Taken has a lot of tonal confusion going on that works against it. For instance, the climax of the film takes place aboard a yacht where a never-before seen antagonist, named “Singh” in the cast list, ends up fighting Liam Neeson for all the marbles. This is weak shit. You’re telling me that the writers couldn’t even come up with an enemy for Neeson to be pitted against? Not giving the kidnappers a face to hate was a juvenile mistake. Not every action film needs a singular bad guy but this movie certainly suffered for not having one. Neeson is above taking out scores of C to D level baddies throughout the course of a film. This is Jason Statham fodder, not Liam Neeson level badassery. Put Nic Cage in this movie and I get it. I fucking buy it. Cage is a cheesy bastard and he relishes flicks like this, but it’s fucking impossible for me to buy Neeson going through the motions.

With these thinly structured action films, studios used to have guys like Stallone or Schwarzenegger to add their personality into the roles. Say what you will about the overall quality of a movie like Commando, the fact is people still enjoy it despite the cheesy bullshit rampant in that film. Taken is a wholly stale film, both visually and content-wise. It has neat little bookends that hammer home the happy ending the story leaves us with so perfectly that you completely forget that the best friend who was also kidnapped was not only never mentioned again but probably dead or worse. It sends a great message for future storytellers that their action heroes can half-ass a job and still come out on top in the end. You see, this is a funny thought in a so-bad-it’s-good way, but because the film isn’t self-aware it becomes a strange and confusing omission.

I think what may be the most annoying element of the film has to be the PG-13 rating. I can’t remember a film, outside of maybe Die Hard 4, that felt so neutered. This should never have been anything but an R. Maybe with an R rating a lot of these issues go away. Neeson dropping some f-bombs here and there and taking out motherfuckers by ripping out their necks ala Road House could have worked for me. This movie is supposed to be over the top, yet the director clearly held back at every chance he got. Neeson’s “I will find you and I will kill you” speech is one of the worst pieces of writing I’ve ever heard. It doesn’t come across as badass, it comes across as weak because of its own insincerity. I’m a firm believer in the tried-and-true R rated action film. Terminator 2, Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, Bad Boys 2 and even Hot Fuzz; these are all staples of that genre and they exceed expectations by not holding back. Taken is a study in what happens when artistry is squashed by marketability. Listen, I understand this movie did gangbusters in the box office and it has its audience, but for myself this one comes up way too short. It is sad that not only does Hollywood make a film like this but also that people clearly go out and pay to see it. I know for the film geek crowd this is preaching to the choir, but Taken really is the shining example of how not to make action films, and I’m baffled by its mass appeal. That, and also the fact that Neeson doesn’t get a chance to pistol whip a European midget throughout the entire runtime, is why this sucks.