la la land

Well guys and gals, here it is.  Something I started doing a few years ago is back by absolutely NO demand.  Everyone does top 10 lists, so instead I just rank everything I saw.  Is it efficient?  Yep.  Is it easy?  Not really.  But everything I do, I do it for you (Binge), so here’s what I’ve got so far.  Also, keep in mind several films pull that BS around this time of year where they are not available in my neck of the woods yet qualify for awards.  So, if there’s something not on this list that is looking like a big flick dropping soon, I just haven’t seen it yet.  Deal with it.  On to the list.

Suicide Squad – 2/10

It has been a long time since I saw such a complete and utter disappointment as Suicide Squad. Fundamentally flawed, reeking of studio interference and featuring the worst on-screen depiction of Joker we have yet seen, this movie is a tragic misstep in the DC Movie Universe’s ultimate plan going forward. The only thing about the movie that works moderately well is Harley Quinn’s performance by Margot Robbie, but even that is marred by awful writing. Also, any time Batman allows a child to stand in the way of a bullet means that you don’t understand that character, or his fundamental values, on any level.

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice – 3/10

Incredibly the two DC entries sit next to each other in my rankings. You can pretty much just copy/paste my thoughts on Suicide Squad and apply them here. The saving grace of this film is Affleck’s portrayal of Batman. It is not perfect, but it is unique and, I think, shows promise for a more well-rounded, better directed film. Zack Snyder and the producers are holding this series back in a big way.

Ghostbusters – 4/10

There is only one question to answer when considering this movie: is it funny? The answer is no. It’s not funny. This is a comedy that isn’t funny. In fact, the one time I laughed throughout the runtime was before any of the Ghostbusters even appeared on screen. This is a film full of funny ladies, made by a funny director that, simply put, isn’t funny.

Batman: The Killing Joke 4/10

For a Batman fan this year was a real test. This was the third in a series of disappointing Batman films that DC gave us this year. I guess this will be the norm from here on out. A poorly conceived introduction fleshing out Batgirl and Batman with a really misguided romance, the entire first third of this film has been wiped from my copy of it. The animation does not serve the original work at all and, despite having Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy, the direction does nothing for the material. Another missed opportunity.

Blair Witch – 4/10

Oh boy did the hype train derail quickly for this one! I’ve been on record on the site saying that The Blair Witch Project is a favorite of mine. It endures as a horror film and as an independent feature. This film does neither of those things. It has no redeeming qualities, aims for jump scares and makes no real sense. The best plot point of the film, dealing with a misconception of time, is almost completely ignored. What a shame.

X-Men Apocalypse – 5/10

X-Men will always have a soft spot in my heart. I was 9 when the first film was released and X2 still stands up as one of my favorite action movies out there. All that being said, the franchise is dull and needs some new blood. Apocalypse should have been awesome. I mean, Oscar Isaac, my OG boy goin way back, should have knocked this out of the park, but ultimately the flick just doesn’t really have anything interesting to offer. Many of the action beats are riffs on previous scenes from Days of Future Past and the muddled timelines of the series are more of a hinderance now than they ever were before. Also, if you’re going to do Weapon X, please give him the correct costume. We’re at a point where we are going to see Spider Man with web wings. Just give us what we want.

Blood Father – 5/10

Blood Father is Mel Gibson’s Taken.  It’s fine, but it’s nowhere near as good as his heyday of Mad Max or Lethal Weapon.  Hell, even Hacksaw Ridge, his directorial effort, is miles above this.  That being said, if you want a “Dad Movie”, this is perfect.  I can’t really recommend this to anyone with confidence.

Mascots – 5/10

Mascots is exactly the movie you’d expect the director of Best in Show to make. That’s the biggest problem with it. Almost joke for joke, Mascots is a rehash of Best in Show. This might sound great on paper, but there’s a lack of silliness in this movie, basically just going for the awkwardness over the laughs, that makes it seem like its trying too hard. There’s also a horribly wasted cameo that I won’t spoil here, but when the credits roll you wonder whether it made any sense shoehorning that character into this film. Really disappointing, but I hope it does well on Netflix so Guest gets to make more films, because even when they’re not great the world is a better place when Christopher Guest is making movies.

Keanu – 6/10

I love my cats. No shame. Sawyer and Sadie, they’re great, and as a cat owner Keanu was a must see. It’s not horrible, but it is very familiar. There’s nothing in this movie you haven’t seen before, save for maybe the hot cat-action scenes. As a Binge listener, I do have a soft spot for George Michael, so all the references to him and his work were fantastic. You could do a lot worse than Keanu when it comes to comedies, but you can absolutely do a lot better, too.

Yoga Hosers – 6/10

This is probably the most hated movie of the year, but I’m just not there on this one. Yeah, I’m a Kevin Smith fan. Yeah, I like Hollywood Babble-On. That probably factors into this. This flick is something that I felt like I had to tolerate once, and I’ll never watch it again, but I find it far from the worst movie ever made. So Smith decided to make a home movie with Johnny Depp and his kid, big deal. I get the hate but I think it’s a bit much in this case. That being said, I can’t recommend anyone to watch this movie. Take that as you will.

Hail, Caesar! – 7/10

I am now and always will be all-in on a Coen Brothers movie. This one pairs really nicely with Barton Fink as both films deal with the early days of Hollywood and concern some existential questions about faith and control. This isn’t the movie that it was advertised as, and I’m sure that annoyed a lot of people, but from the moment Michael Gambon’s narration begins I was hooked. Is it a Lebowski-level masterpiece? Nah, but I think this movie will find its audience in time.

Zootopia – 7/10

Zootopia is a very strong Disney animated film. That’s great, and I hope they continue making these, but for me I just didn’t really care that much. The voice acting is great, the animation is fantastic and the characters are well written. The movie has a great message for kids to hear and the jokes, for the most part land. And yeah, the sloth is kinda funny, but if you saw the trailer then you already got that one for free. This just isn’t a favorite of mine. Sue me, dickhead.

Green Room – 7/10

Green Room was good, but I wanted it to be great. A fantastic premise, good music, solid casting and some really economic filmmaking made this a really interesting story, but I didn’t feel that the movie was viscious enough. At no point did Patrick Stewart, playing the heel here, feel intimidating or scary. This movie is supposed to be a punk-fueled nightmare, but it ultimately felt half-baked. I still look forward to whatever this director has coming next, but I hope he takes more chances in his next outing.

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping – 7/10

Speaking of Christopher Guest movies, it looks like The Lonely Island did Guest-level parody better than Guest himself. Popstar is the cinematic equivelant of throwing everything against the wall and hoping something sticks. You’ve got every kind of joke in here and a TON of cameos to speak of. Add in to that a bunch of catchy parody songs and you’ve got a pretty solid comedy.

Sausage Party – 7/10

For whatever reason people went into this movie expecting something more than dick and fart jokes. I understanding wanting more from your comedy, but I’m gonna go ahead and suggest that y’all check yourself before you wreck yourself with that one. I was giggling thoroughly throughout the runtime, especially during that glorious finale scene. If you want to see a Pixar movie gone wrong, then this is for you. Just don’t expect anything more. Literally. nothing more. Just that.

Don’t Breathe – 7/10

I love films with a good moral conundrum, and man does Don’t Breathe give you a good one. In the face of someone truly reprehensible, are you justified in vilifying that person despite your own muddy values? It’s an interesting idea that gets explored fairly well, although the conclusion of the story leaves a lot to be desired. Stephen Lang is a true movie monster in this and the film had its share of well-earned and effective jump scares. I would have liked a little more from this but at the end of the day I think Fede Alvarez has proven that he has a bonafide classic film in him just waiting to be made.

Man Down – 7/10

Shia LeBeouf needs to be in more movies. There, I said it. From a guy who I only knew as the male lead in X,Y and Z tween action flicks I did not expect something like this. The story of the effects of PTSD on a soldier and his family, Man Down does a lot right, so don’t let the Tomatometer sway you. During conversations with writer Adam Simon, he describes the film as a “political cartoon”, which is accurate. The film really plays in the pocket and has a third act that goes to some unexpected places, but upon reflection I think it earns the moves that it makes. Definitely worth a watch.

13th – 7/10

13th makes an interesting argument about slavery and the prison systems, although I left the film slightly unconvinced. The style of this documentary is strong, and everything from the personal anecdotes to the presentation are very well thought out and good looking, but I just left the film feeling like this was an interesting student thesis about the subject, not a fully-fledged indictment of the system and how we enforce the law. There are strong points here, but I think the parts are greater than the sum total in the end. Still, this is worth a watch if only to get the discussion going in your mind.

Tickled – 7/10

Chalk this up as one of the strangest films of the year. Tickled is the story of Competitive Endurance Tickling, a sport that a New Zealand journalist comes across one day and begins to investigate. While going down the rabbit hole of this strange and mildly disturbing sport, a series of events occurs that can only be described as “aggressively weird” starts happening. By the end of the film there is serious doubt about what you watched and the validity of it, but in terms of just having to see something for fear of not having it described correctly to you, I would recommend this flick wholeheartedly. Just expect the unexpected.

My Scientology Movie – 7/10

As a mark for Scientology and all its wackiness, I found this Louis Theroux documentary to be a bit too farcical in comparison to Going Clear or the new Leah Remini series. Theroux is an outsider, being from the UK and quite obviously not a member of the Church, yet the angle he takes to tell this story is fascinating. Rather than interview his subjects and film them telling their stories, he enlists the help of one of Scientology’s former higher-ups to stage theatrical recreations of incidents he describes using young actors in Hollywood. The result is a bit weird, but at times has shades of brilliance, especially during a scene where the actor hired to portray David Miscavidge is instructed to abuse a room full of Sea-Org members. While what is staged is obviously not true, the fact that after the intense performance we are told that Miscavidge would be even worse in person makes this mysterious “religion” even more dangerous, in my eyes.

Holy Hell – 7/10

In a simlar way to the recent forays I’ve had with Scientology documentaries, Holy Hell is very much in the same vein, telling the story of the Buddahfield cult in West Hollywood. Essentially this is your standard cult story featuring a charismatic leader that promises the world to his disciples, yet when it comes time to deliver makes excuse after excuse as to why it won’t happen. The psychological warfare played upon members of this cult is really bothersome to see, and something that happens continually as we see in incidences such as the Jonestown Massacre and the Heaven’s Gate cult. While the documentary paints an odd picture of the man at the center of the cult, including a face-to-face with an ex-member, I feel like the documentary doesn’t do enough to drive home the idea that this organization is evil.

The Witch – 8/10

Tone is really important to me in a film, and God DAMN does The Witch have an unsettling tone. Using early Puritan-English to tell the story of colonists making their own homestead in the wilderness, The Witch does just enough to get under your skin and stay there. Ever get a chill in the Winter-time that just won’t leave? That’s how The Witch felt days after I had seen it. One of my favorites on the year.

Deadpool – 8/10

Proof positive that staying true to character and years of backstory can pay off, Tim Miller’s Deadpool was maybe the biggest surprise of the year. Ryan Reynolds was, in my estimation, spot-on casting. He truly gets Deadpool and plays into his hand very well. The flick itself was standard superhero fare, but by using the 4th-wall-breaking jokes and references, it transcends and becomes much more unique. The hard R rating for the film also proves that being faithful to the material, regardless of the content, can pay off if done right. Deadpool is a blast, despite what GC may tell you.

10 Cloverfield Lane – 8/10

John Goodman is a national treasure.

The Jungle Book – 8/10

For a flick that I had no interest in this was especially impressive to me. I loved the kid who played Mowgli, this year’s GOAT voice actor Idris Elba and all the visuals. I thought the film was a great update of the original Disney film, infusing the right level of fun and adventure to keep my attention. Jon Favreau does not get enough respect as a filmmaker.

Sully – 8/10

Sully is an example of a master filmmaker just doing his thing. Sully plays with conventions right from the beginning, investing you in the story of Sully’s confrontation with TSA over the “Miracle on the Hudson”. Tom Hanks is amongst the greatest living actors, and his performance here is indicative of that. It would be difficult for two heavyweights like Hanks and Eastwood to not deliver a great film. Add in the most majestic moustache of the year from Aaron Eckheart and you’ve got something special here.

Doctor Strange – 8/10

You have to respect a film that shows you things that are, quite literally, indescribable. Doctor Strange does that. Is there standard superhero fare? For sure. Do the jokes land well? Not really. However, there are moments in this film that I cannot describe to you because I don’t know where to begin. In an example of the power of visual storytelling, there are a few moments that I will never forget but can’t begin to tell you about. Plus, there’s a fantastic finale that challenges the conventions of what most of these movies offer. I think this movie serves as an example of how far Marvel wants to stray away from their own formula, and I can see this as the beginning of a new phase of Marvel Studios.

Hacksaw Ridge – 8/10

Mel Gibson should be directing more movies. The man has a talent that is too strong to allow to sit dormant, and Hacksaw Ridge proves that his style is almost impossible to imitate. Telling a story about a guy who wouldn’t fight by juxtaposing that with some of the most gruesome and violent scenes ever put on film is a ballsy move, but it’s signature Mel Gibson and I kind of love him for doing it. Garfield proves why he keeps earning strong roles and Hugo Weaving even gives one of the more complex roles in recent memory, given his limited screentime.

Swiss Army Man – 8/10

Probably the most creative film of the year, Swiss Army Man is an interesting film at the very least.  Utilizing farts, boners and a dead guy’s bowel movements to tell a story sounds awful, but surprisingly Swiss Army Man is an emotional and meaningful film that makes you think.  And fart.  Mostly fart.

Deepwater Horizon – 8/10

In a way, Deepwater Horizon acts as a nice compliment to a film like Sully in that both stories are about disasters and the way people deal with them. In Sully’s case, we see the actions of someone who did something incredible and saved the lives of everyone on board his plane. With Horizon, there is a much more grim picture, whose tragedy is clearly fueled by the evils of capitalism and big business. The dramatization of the largest oil spill in US history isn’t without its contrivances, especially during the first third which features scenes of Mark Wahlberg’s daughter explaining his job through the use of a straw with some soda, but much like Rogue One the third act of the flick, providing you are still along for the ride at that point, goes a long way to forgiving some of those writing gaffes. Also, Kurt Russell is the man, and he continues to be the man in this flick. No reason not to like this one.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – 8/10

To say there were lofty expectations for this flick is a severe understatement. Some of us (and we know who those people are) had it out for this film from day one, never really willing to give it a fair shake for arbitrary reasons. Others have taken a more positive look at these films, hoping that out of sheer volume that eventually we would get some good-maybe-great Star Wars films. Last year, The Force Awakens was a great primer to get the franchise back in the spotlight, but for my money I think I enjoyed Rogue One more. Yes, there are flaws in the film and the marketing is mildly manipulative due to the massive reshoots, but I’ll be damned if the filmmakers didn’t push all the right buttons by the end of the film. There are some writing conventions that hurt aspects of the film, and admittedly I walked out of the movie not knowing the names of more than half the cast, but I found most of the “member berries” in the film to be justified in their inclusion (save one specific cameo with a pair of very recognizable characters). Couple that with the fact that this film completely and utterly reclaims Darth Vader as one of the great cinematic villains of all time and you have yourself a fun, unique film full of great callbacks and moments of absolute glee.

Team Foxcatcher – 8/10

Since the film Foxcatcher a few years back I’ve been intrigued by this story. For those unaware, Team Foxcatcher was the name given to a group of Olympic athletes, with a focus on Olympic wrestling, headed by millionaire John DuPont. DuPont was a weird guy, to say the least, and the story of his interaction with Mark and Dave Schultz, two of the premiere wrestlers in the world, is one of those stranger-than-fiction stories. This is the third piece of filmmaking I’ve seen based on the story, with this documentary focusing intently on DuPont and Dave Schultz moreso than anything else (you may remember these two were played by Steve Carell and Mark Ruffalo in the film, respectively). True crime stories are fascinating, but this one has a twinge of oddity to it that makes it all the more disturbing to read and see about all these years later.

Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders – 8/10

If you had laid out The Killing Joke and Return of the Caped Crusaders for me and asked which one I’d bet on being better, I would have went for Killing Joke 10/10 times. Joke was, actually, a bit of a joke, but Return was a blast to watch. Combining all the cheesy, goody-two-shoes elements of the original series, allowing Adam West and Burt Ward, alongside original Catwoman Julie Newmar, to voice the roles that made them famous was a lot of fun. There is a bit of fan service here too, from referencing the three different actresses who played Catwoman on the series to adding in some choice lines from both the Tim Burton and Frank Miller iterations of Batman, but nothing that detracts from the finished product. I wouldn’t recommend this if you hate the Adam West era Batman series, as this is quite literally an extended episode, but for those of you who enjoy the self proclaimed “Bright Knight”, this is a home run.

Captain America: Civil War – 9/10

When superhero movies are good, they’re amongst my favorite experiences in the theater. I LOVED Civil War. Loved it. I saw it three times in the theater and have watched it four or five times at home since. Black Panther is great. Spider Man is great. Giant Man is a moment of pure movie magic. I loved this film and its willingness to end the film with the bad guy winning. I know superhero fatigue is a real thing for some of us, but not for me. I can’t wait to see the next time all these guys are on screen together again.

The Nice Guys – 9/10

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a sorely underrated flick. Val Kilmer as a gay private investigator should be enough to get you in if you haven’t seen it, but it was the re-birth of Robert Downey Jr in the years just before Iron Man that make the flick really fantastic. Oh, and by the way, Shane Black ended up working with Downey again on Iron Man 3, so clearly these two guys have chemistry. Black takes his signature style, changes the setting to the 70’s, swaps Kilmer and Downey for Gosling and Crowe and voila, another bonafide comedy classic. Gosling is fantastic as a complete dope, Crowe kills it as a past-his-prime PI and the writing is razor sharp. This flick deserves more love.

The Conjuring 2 – 9/10

A good ghost story is somewhat hard to come by these days, but thankfully James Wan still knows what makes them great. The Conjuring 2 is fantastic for a lot of reasons, but chief amongst them is the relationship between Ed and Lorraine Warren. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are a perfect movie couple, and if you were to just have a story with those two characters and no supernatural elements I’m convinced it would be great. Conjuring 2 does all the great things that the original did and then takes them a bit further. Maybe some of the subtlety of the first film is gone, but I loved the direction this sequel took their story in.

Star Trek Beyond – 9/10

I have been a Trek fan since I can remember, same as Star Wars. My uncle showed me Star Wars, and my mom showed me Star Trek. Trek was always something that I cherished, despite some of the cheesiness. I always liked the intrinsic nature of the best of Trek, where the conflict came out of the crew’s own choices (The Wrath of Khan) or a fundamental foil of who they are (First Contact). Star Trek Beyond rights all the wrongs of Into Darkness by doing a lot of things right. Firstly, the script finds something for the entire crew to do, an element that the last two films sort of ignored. The enemy in the film, without spoiling anything, is a more closely tied antagonist than you would expect, and the nature of the film utilizing the past to preserve the future all works for me in a big way. Are there some member berries at work here? Sure there are, but in this case I don’t see a problem with that.

Sing Street – 9/10

I was lucky to not get one but two amazing films revolving around a love of music.  Sing Street, Jon Carney’s follow-up to Begin Again proves once again the man understands the emotion behind music better than most filmmakers.  The simple story, about boy meets girl and starts band to impress girl in 1980’s Dublin, is what it is, but the secondary plotlines about divorce, sibling understanding and high school life are what make the film what it is.  Hilarious, heartwarming and reflective, Sing Street is a must-see flick.

Kubo and the Two Strings – 9/10

The Nightmare Before Christmas and the Corpse Bride are films that I really love because of how weird and wacky they are. Both feature the mind of Tim Burton at work, and both utilize the fantastic stop-motion animation work that make those films so iconic, particularly in the case of Nightmare. Kubo and the Two Strings comes from the guys who made Paranorman, Coraline and The Boxtrolls, and for my money this is far and away their best work. I loved, LOVED, the story here about a young boy’s quest to defeat his evil grandfather. The voice acting was good, the special effects are astounding and the music is wonderful. I do not know how Laika can ever top this for me.

Arrival – 9/10

Children of Men marks the last time a sci-fi movie left me completely dumbfounded by its conclusion. Not out of misunderstanding, but out of sheer appreciation for what I had just seen. Arrival took a good twenty-four hours before it cemented itself as a phenomenal film for me. Amy Adams, while typically a strong performer, is fantastic here. Playing a linguist recruited to help communicate with visitors from the beyond, Arrival represents the best elements of true sci-fi stories. There is no big action scene, no war with the aliens and no misguided love-interest subplot forced in. There is, however, an interesting and fairly unique story about communication that, at its core, deals with so many other facets of life. Arrival is the kind of movie that will confuse many, aggrivate others but entertain and excite a special few. Count me amongst the latter.

La La Land – 10/10

As I get older it takes a movie more and more to earn a perfect 10 score.  This is a comfortable 9 for me, but one of the year’s best.. Damien Chazelle is clearly one of the next big auteurs, with his focus and love of music being the square fascination of his creative career thus far. Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are the best either of them ever has been. The music is emotional, meaningful and entertaining throughout. The cinematography is maybe the best I’ve seen since Mad Max Fury Road. Everything about this film is fantastic, and even the old-timey Hollywood member berries do their job. This is the kind of movie that will be a critical darling come awards season but despite all the praise you’ll see thrown its way it deserves all of it. If you can’t deal with musicals, then you’re doing yourself a big disservice not seeing this film as it has more narrative integrity than most of the straight dramas I’ve seen this year.