Since we hit a milestone, we put up a poll here and on Facebook with a list of topics that we wanted you guys to vote on. The topic with the most votes would then become a subject of a show entirely on its own.
We threw in what we thought would be some kick ass topics that would make a good show, but one topic in particular took the prize.
You need to survive the apocalypse. And you need a team. Choosing from movies and TV characters (human only), who would you pick as your team?
What follows on this podcast is one of the most fun, violent, filthy, and yell-y discussions we’ve had. And it was all due to you guys donating on Patreon and voting on the topics. We fucking love you guys.
More shows like this in the future will be had on the BingeCast, so stay tuned for that. Below are our teams that got us so goddamn heated that we called each other cocksucker, yelled loudly, and threatened to fuck one character in their empty eye socket.
What would your team look like?
Law’s Team:
John Rambo – First Blood
John Conner – Terminator Series
Snake Plissken – Escape From New York
Batman – Where else?
Ellen Ripley – Alien
Moreno’s Team:
Sarah Connor – Terminator 2
Beatrix Kiddo – Kill Bill
Barry Pepper (forgot his name) Saving Private Ryan
When I had visions of the future, I always thought it would be a lot cooler than this. BACK TO THE FUTURE PART II promised 2015 would have flying cars, flying skateboards, shoes that tied its own lases, and JAWS 19. And while they got a bunch of the other shit in that movie right, most of the stuff they got wrong is what I wanted most. But BTTFPII isn’t the first time this has happened.
THE 6TH DAY
Most people forget that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s clone movie THE 6TH DAY is also set in 2015 (because most people forget that movie exists altogether). That movie promised us the ability to clone pets, cars that can drive themselves, and of course… laser guns. I guess the effed up on the cloning part (and the laser guns), but we do have cars that can park themselves… that sort of counts, right?
CLASS OF 1999
I have a special place in my heart for CLASS OF 1999. For one thing, the movie promised that TERMINATORS would be teachers and I always thought that’d be cool. The other thing is that I graduated high school in 1999, therefore, I truly was the CLASS OF 1999. The only problem was that TERMINATORS never taught in my high school, a giant human vs. robot war never broke out, and I never met Pam Grier. That said, in all seriousness, they did get one thing right: the rise of violence in schools. Columbine happened in 1999, thus making this flick slightly prolific, even if entirely ridiculous.
HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN
1991’s future of 1996 might not seem like that far in the future, especially when you’re watching HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN, but that doesn’t mean they got at least a few things right… they just needed to set their sites a little more into the future to, say, 2011. If they allowed themselves a full 20 years or so, then the poster for DIE HARDEST V and the gas prices at $3.99 a gallon would have been spot on. But they set in in 1996 so, therefore, they FAILED. Big fail. But it’s still one hell of a fun movie.
A SCANNER DARKLY
2013 would have been a lot cooler if we could wear crazy suits that hid our appearance and took drugs that made you think you’re talking to giant bugs. Oh wait, we have drugs like that. Damnit. We also have Big Brother watching us, though maybe not as in-depth as the movie would have you believe. Well, the suits then. And the fact that we’re not all animated versions of ourselves. That would have been awesome. Damn you 2013 for being so disappointing…
TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY
I remember it like it was 17 years ago. I woke up on August 29th, 1997, and waited for the nuclear holocaust that would ultimately begin the war against the machines. And nothing happened. Turns out Sarah Connor was as ape shit crazy as everyone thought she was. It’s cool though, we still have 2029 to look forward to… unless TERMINATOR: GENYSIS completely shits on the timeline that we know of and changes the universe to something completely different.
ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK / ESCAPE FROM LA
Oh boy, where to begin here. New York should have been a prison island where gangs ruled the streets by 1997, but goddamn if that ever happened. By 2013 L.A. should have become a prison island as well. John Carpenter, you sit on a throne of lies… LIES! But then again, they sort of nailed the whole “marriages must be approved by the government” thing pretty well, and look who’s back in the future… Pam Grier!
This list could go on and on, but you get the point. Movies set in the future are fun… unless that future eventually becomes our present, then our past, then it’s just silly. Because they never get it right (and how could they, they’re just a bunch of people making movies not gypsies prophesizing the future from a crystal ball). Someday filmmakers will realize that way to get around looking like idiots is to set your movie at least 100 years in the future, use the classic “in the not too distant future” title card, or simply don’t specify a year if you can get away with it. The only one I give credit to the specific year of 2015 is BTTFPII because it’s part of the story. First movie, they travel back 30 years into the past. Second movie, they travel 30 years into the future (it only makes sense). These other clowns though, they have no excuse. Next on the chopping block: BLADE RUNNER. Things better start looking a whole lot different by 2019 or I’m calling shenanigans.
Well, it took about a month, but I finally finished Jules Verne’s THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND. Sometimes you just need to dive balls-deep into classic fiction to appreciate the fluidity of modern-day literature. Written in 1874 as a loose sequel to 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA, it was quite the struggle to get through, but damnit… I was determined and I’m happy to report I finished it. While it starts off slow, by the end the pace picks up and some crazy shit goes down, making it quite an entertaining read. But hear this: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND is nothing like JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND, you know, the movie sequel to JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH starring The Rock. I’m not sure if the movie is supposed to be based off the book, but if it is… it’s the worst adaptation I’ve ever seen. There is no character like The Rock, or Josh Hutcherson, or Vanessa Hudgens, or Luis Guzman… the closet character that actually shows up in both is Michael Caine, and even that’s a stretch. The events don’t match up, the giant iguanas and prehistoric insects don’t exist in the novel either. Basically, the only similarities between the two is the name and the ending with the exploding volcano… and by similar, I mean they both feature an exploding volcano. All in all, the book is solid and worth a read (though beware, that 1874 language doesn’t make for a quick read), and the movie is OK if you’re 8 and you don’t care about the source material.
I’ve been on a John Carpenter stint this week and checked out a couple of his action classics: THEY LIVE and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. Holy crap, this dude knew how to make a movie back in the day! THEY LIVE is amazing, not only as a solid action movie, but as a solid sci-fi flick, with ideals and theories of being controlled subliminally that are still relevant today. How can anyway watch THEY LIVE and watch TV or read a magazine the same ever again? I only wish they sold sunglasses that made everyone’s face a screaming alien skull. That would be awesome. I’d totally wear those. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is also entertaining as hell. Snake Plissken is one of the greatest characters to ever hit the silver screen and Adrienne Barbeua has one of the nicest racks in the history of movies. I mean, holy shit people… holy shit. Watching the two back to back, it’s impossible not to wonder… who would win in a fight? Kurt Russell’s Snake Plissken or Roddy Piper’s Nada? Both rock an impressive head of 80s hair and both are fairly beefed up. What a fucking fight that would be.
After this week’s episode of THE STRAIN, I’m thinking of tapping out. Not sure if it’s Moreno’s deplorable attitude about the show that has me doubting my enjoyment, or if the show has just gone way off course, but this last episode fuckin’ sucked assholes. Who cares about the dude who killed his dog and chained himself to his shed? I sure don’t… that guy was an asshole and he’s still an asshole. Why is Sean Astin such a turd? I get that’s the point, but seriously, yo, grow some balls. And what’s up with the gangster with a heart of gold who loves his mom and hates his brother? Stealing cars? How does this crap even make the final cut? Stupid. All I want at this point is old Walder Frey fuckin’ shit up with his sword, dick-mouthed zombie vampires fuckin’ shit up, and the Exterminator. WHERE THE HEL WAS THE EXTERMINATOR??? I’ll give it another week, but sweet Jesus, this show had so much potential, and yet all I’ve really seen so far is ‘meh’. At least we’re only a month away from the new season of SONS OF ANARCHY….
That’s all for this week, ya’ll! Tune in Monday for the new BingeCast where Jim Law and I will talk about Season 4 of THE KILLING, plus I’m hoping to finally be done with Season 2 of THE AMERICANS this week, and I’ll go into my recent revisit of ZOMBIELAND. Until then, enjoy life with the High Life!
