In their first team-up since the infamous VURP, Garret Collins and Jim Law try to stay focused long enough to review 500 movies while waiting for Ammon to storm in with a bunch of nonsense that he hated throughout the week. Garrett has one of his favorite films of the year, Law has two of the worst he’s seen in a long time and he’s angry about both of them, and Ammon thinks Nic Cage Round-Up is a weekly segment because that’s all he watches any more. It’s getting weird. You’re weird. Go listen and leave me alone.
0:00:00-Oh hai.
0:02:04-Jim Law and Garrett Collins are here. When was the last time these two talked? It was a pretty eventful time. What’s Garrett been up to? What the fuck is Law drinking? The Goovey Awards are coming! Ew. Is Garrett going to Lawlapalooza? Sounder Bracket! Whaaaaaaaaaa? Future Aftertaste shows.
0:18:24-GOOGLE VOICE.
0:25:48-TV ROUND UP. The boys discuss Waco. Garrett dips into American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace. Law talks Divorce. Garrett has been binging a lot of David Lynch stuff, mainly Twin Peaks. Law gives his thoughts on The End of the Fucking World and a quick movie review of The Train to Busan. GC gave up on This Is Us.
0:54:02-LITERALLY LITERARY. Garrett has got Heather the Totality. Law talks the Twin Peaks Radio Show and Ready Player One. GC has been reading The Neverending Story. Law discusses a new podcast he wants to do, and it gets followed up with some great stories from the two hosts.
1:22:01-WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Spontaneous GC game (for like two movies): Wrinkle in Time, Red Sparrow, The Godfather, The Fate and the Furious, Passenger 57, Rising Sun, Drop Zone, A Straight Story, Lost Highway, and Mullohand Drive. Law breezes through The Ritual, Only the Brave, The Foreigner, Black Panther, Game Night, The Vanishing of Sydney Hall, Mute, Surbabicon, Phantom Thread, and The Florida Project. Ammon shows up. Talks Waco, Channel Zero, Jeepers Creepers 3, Inconceivable, 47 Meters Down, and Ferdinand. Law discusses how his kids are Stranger Things obsessed. Then Ammon gives a quick Woody Woodpecker review, then wraps everything up nicely with The Bachelor: Winter Games.
Batch enlists MovieFreak for another round of Rick and Morty commentaries. The boys talk a little about the Rick and Morty comics, merchandise for the series, their favorite things about the show and how stupid/funny things can get on the show. Download now.
While Small Screen Heroes is usually your one-stop shop for all things comic book and pop culture, this week we decided to finally talk about the craziest show on TV, Twin Peaks. Batch recruits Peaks-fife Valley to talk about David Lynch’s career, flying frog-bugs (you read that right) and predictions for upcoming episodes and storylines.
Are you watching the new season of Twin Peaks? What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!
SYNOPSIS: 25 years after the final episode of Twin Peaks left viewers wondering what the show’s mysteries meant, David Lynch and Mark Frost return to the world of Twin Peaks for a third season. It is happening again…
The first two parts of The Return went in directions that no one could anticipate. Agent Cooper back in the Black/White lodge, the Man From Another Place is now a tree with an Eraserhead-like…thing…for a head, and Doctor Jacoby is living in the woods somewhere. Parts 3 and 4, however, somehow go to an even more insane place. Within the first ten seconds of the episode I knew we were in for something wholly unique, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
From the outset, Peaks began as an investigation-centric series but eventually became the journey of Special Agent Dale Cooper. Cooper, caught somewhere between the Lodge and reality, starts this episode traveling through space, encountering some classic Lynchian nightmarish characters and situations before eventually being squeezed out of a power outlet in a wall in reality somewhere. At the same time, a third Cooper is revealed to be a man named Dougie, whom swaps places with Agent Cooper in this moment, arrives at the lodge and disappears for…some reason. Concurrently, evil Coop almost crashes his car off the highway at what we assume is the same time Agent Coop arrives, but can continue doing what he is doing. If the description sounds vague, that’s because it is. Throughout these reviews I fully anticipate struggling to explain the plot, but that also qualifies this story as one you absolutely must experience yourself.
We get a bit more time with Hawk, Lucy and Andy, even getting an introduction to Sheriff Harry Truman’s brother Frank Truman (now acting sheriff of Twin Peaks) as well as our first look at Bobby, now an officer with the Sheriff’s department. While we get some of the classic Twin Peaks cheesy tragedy, I found myself oddly nostalgic for that schmaltzy garbage. Yeah, Bobby is clearly hamming it up when breaking down in tears at the mere look of a photo of Laura Palmer, but Peaks was always cheesier than it should have been, trading in a certain measure of the story’s menace for some of that “aww-shucksiness”. It works here and reminds us that the show still remembers all the pieces of what made it so tantalizing a quarter-century ago.
Without question, though, the funniest thing Twin Peaks has ever done has to be Michael Cera’s turn as Wally Brando, biker and son of Lucy and Andy Brennan. Cera, sporting an incredible lisp that must have been his attempt at mimicking Brando’s iconic speech pattern, is flat out hilarious. With lines like “My dharma is the road…”, you know you’re in for some comedic gold. I hope we see him again but if that is his one moment in the series then so be it, it was magical.
As far as Agent Cooper goes, things pick up with some woman. Coop is off his game, however. Simple tasks like responding using his words and putting his shoes on are clearly a struggle. As the episode progresses, Coop uses the few phrases he has banked in his memory (“Call for help”) to try and progress forward. Coop eventually ends up at a casino where, for some reason, he hits 30 jackpots in a row. Each slot machine he sees with a floating image of the Black Lodge above it he plays, and wins. There is no explanation given, so don’t ask. Eventually, Coop has a run-in with the Casino manager who tries to implore him to stick around and spend some money in Casino. Coop, still completely out of his mind, is given a limousine ride home. Home, it turns out, is behind a red door, from which Naomi Watts appears as Dougie’s wife. Somehow, Coop and Dougie have switched places. Did Evil Coop orchestrate this to happen, and if so, to what ends? I hope we get an answer, but your guess is as good as mine.
Agent Cooper then tries to live like a normal person, mimicking what Dougie’s son, named Sonny Jim, does during breakfast, but clearly has no idea what he is doing, being almost catatonically non-verbal. While all this is happening, the return of Albert and Cole, played by Miguel Ferrer and David Lynch, is simply awesome. These scenes, including Cole’s conversation with David Duchovny’s Denise Bryson, now in charge at the FBI, are pure entertainment in the Peaks-iverse. Seeing David Lynch screaming at people again due to his failed hearing is just the best. Eventually, Evil Coop is found in a prison in South Dakota. Cole, Albert and newcomer Agent Tamara Preston visit Evil Coop there. We get the indication that Coop has been gone or off the grid for a long time as both Cole and Albert seem eager to recover Coop from wherever he is. What ensues is a strange conversation, with Evil Coop behind bars speaking as if from a dark script, repeating some of his lines and making a slight mockery of the situation. Again, where this goes, is difficult to know, but the fact that these characters are back and progressing the situation forward is enough for me to be fully invested going forward.
Parts 1 and 2 had a lot of great setup for the more sinister and surreal aspects of Twin Peaks. Parts 3 and 4 dove headfirst back into the sci-fi roots of the writing and, ultimately, brought back a thick layer of smalltown-cheese that had been absent in the beginning of this run. The show is still, consistently surprising me and I’m finding a lot to love, even if I don’t know the direction of where this is headed. Check back next episode for my thoughts and reactions.
With a week gap between our Prometheus review and next Tuesday’s review of Alien Covenant, I decided to bring in an old friend of the Aftertaste by the name of Chris Papps to just do what we usually do here at Binge Media, which is talk shop and shit about movies and TV.
As always, no topic -with the exception of Alien Covenant– is off limits to Chris, and we talk about anything and everything that is on our minds. From the new Star Wars trailer, all the way through 13 Reasons Why, and even a little Twin Peaks, this is little more than a discussion about what the current state of entertainment is.
So download below, and be sure to check this space on Tuesday for the all new Alien Covenant retrospective with Johnny Moreno and Jack Valley.
SYNOPSIS: 25 years after the final episode of Twin Peaks left viewers wondering what the show’s mysteries meant, David Lynch and Mark Frost return to the world of Twin Peaks for a third season. It is happening again…
Twin Peaks has been, and likely always will be, a frustrating piece of art. On the one hand, it was an innovative and truly unique TV show made in a time when quite literally no one was filming anything like it. On the other, it was a bit of a mess, with a specific stretch of season 2 showing the problems that Lynch and co-creator Mark Frost had in executing their unique vision clashing with what the network wanted from them. Time has been good to Peaks as its popularity and the mysteries contained within the series have only intensified with time. It’s not only been 25 years since Twin Peaks was last on the air but also a solid decade since David Lynch directed a film. In that time, franchises have become more prevalent, streaming services have begun to erode Hollywood and stories heavy on nostalgia dominate the landscape. To someone who doesn’t know the show, Twin Peaks coming back would seem like a cash grab. To the fans, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. After all, Laura Palmer herself said she’d see Agent Cooper “in 25 years”, and here we are.
This all begs the question, is the series even good anymore? After watching the first two parts of the return, the answer is a resounding yes. Lynch is at his most Lynchian here, putting together a piece of work that feels utterly comprehensive. Those of you who watched Peaks for its quirky small-towniness will find a bit of that “aww shucks” demeanor, but it’s clear that Showtime let Lynch run rampant on the material. This is much more in line with Eraserhead or Lost Highway than it was previously, which is a great thing. The original series left so many questions unanswered that The Return feels like it was in the cards all along, even if it may not have been. Lynch himself has described his work as “dreamlike” in the past, and I think if you keep that in the back of your mind his films make much more sense.
We open on a black and white shot of the, coincidentally enough, Black/White Lodge where Special Agent Dale Cooper sits in conversation with the Giant, the first of many familiar faces we see throughout the episode. The Giant provides some cryptic clues to Cooper then Cooper departs. From there, we visit a young man sitting in a building in New York City monitoring a glass box with cameras fixed on it, clearly waiting for something to appear. One of the more surprising turns here, Kyle MacLachlan’s doppelganger from the end of the second season is out, playing by his own rules and sporting the cheesiest spray tan/mullet combination you can imagine. We get pieces of the citizens of Twin Peaks, including Dr Jacoby, Andy, Hawk, Log Lady, Shelly, James, and even the one-armed man. That’s not to even mention all three members of the Palmer family in various places/states of consciousness. None of these appearances are treated special, but rather the show doesn’t assume seeing any of these people is a big deal; they’ve always been here, they’re not special, and Lynch doesn’t want to waste the audience’s time reintroducing people to an audience who already knows who they are.
To call the first two parts of The Return confusing would be the very least of it, but you must expect that going in. Lynch, for me, has always been about the mood. Few filmmakers can create such a sinister and off-putting mixture of sound and image as David Lynch does. So many times, throughout his career, whether it be the man behind Winkies in Mulholland Drive or Robert Blake in Lost Highway, Lynch has gotten way under my skin and freaked me out. He does it here, with several moments of out-of-left-field fuckery that can’t be explained without having seen it. To me Lynch’s work is about the mood and atmosphere, and here he’s on top of his game. Even small, quiet scenes, such as the one of two characters staring at a glass box, carry a sense of dread and fear with them. Something about the camera in conjunction with the usually menacing score combine to make for an unsettling and disturbing experience for reasons I can’t quite describe.
Twin Peaks was never a favorite series of mine, but more one that just refuses to leave my brain. After a recent re-watch in anticipation of The Return, I think I appreciated the series for what Lynch tried to do with it. Look, it’s not perfect. Entire plotlines and stories in parts of season 2 are atrocious, but when Lynch’s influence is felt the show is amongst some of the best TV ever made. Having this new series on Showtime where there are no rating restrictions just feels right for this series, with Lynch taking full advantage of being able to go further than he had before. I find myself less concerned with answering questions and more intrigued by where this is going to lead. I think with Twin Peaks the interest was always meant to be on the tone, mood and feeling more than the overally “point” of it all. I’m happy Twin Peaks is not only back but looking even better than it did when it first aired and plan on keeping you updated as the season progresses here on Binge Media.
Welcome cocksuckers. Why are Nate and Law not with me this week? Well, listen to find out. Needless to say, they let me down this week like a guy I made drink the blood of a black magic God who then turned on me.
But that’s not to say that I don’t have a show this week. A gap in the retrospectives allowed me to fit in an interview, specifically with the director of Smash Motorized Mayhem (which will be available on iTunes & VOD on March 21st), Kevin Burroughs. However, this interview was not easy to secure, mostly due to my drunken ineptness. Listen to find out specifics, as well as what it was like making the bus racing documentary.
That’s not all though. I also give a full review of Marvel’s Doctor Strange, and even fit in a little Twin Peaks talk. Not to mention give my thoughts on the huge news of Nate P making his way to Lawlapalooza this year. So listen will you, and love & mercy to you all.
What’s going on, Bingers? Long time no see. Like all of you, I listened to this week’s flagship BingeCastand heard not only Ammon go completely off the rails with his 4 hour drunk segment, but also the lists of those who host the show. You know, that list that was started by one off hand Facebook comment, and has rolled downhill to include everyone here at the Binge offices. Of course, the list I speak of is all our ten favorite films this century.
So, with that in mind -and minus my invitation by those assholes to be on with them- I decided to include my own list of my favorite films of the 2000s. There will be some roll over from the podcast. But also some surprises, because as I was going through the exhausting task of putting this thing together, I came across the films that resonated the most with me at that particular time. Or, they could be films that ended up meaning more to me down the road. In fact, one of these was already a focus of my Revisit column last year.
I want to say one more thing before moving on. I usually split these things up into two separate articles. But this time, I decided to make it one big piece. So, strap yourselves in for a hell of a ride down memory lane.
Honorable Mentions: Inception, Minority Report, Sideways, and Sunshine
10) A History of Violence (2006)
Despite his somewhat bizarre flashes of brilliance leading up to this film, I had no idea what to expect when I walked into a theater to see director David Cronenberg’s A History of Violence. I had no reservations of plot or feelings of anticipation. When I walked out, I felt like I had been taken for one of the most hard hitting rides of 2006, and it was no surprise to see Cronenberg’s name up there as a Best Director nominee come Oscar time.
Still, this spot was a toss up between this and Cronenberg’s other collaboration with Viggo Mortensen, 2007’s Eastern Promises. In the end, I decided to include this for two reasons. One, I LOVE stories about people trying to forget past identities while living what seems to be an ideal life. Second. Well, see the photo above?
9) 28 Days Later (2002)
Very rarely does a movie feel like a two hour grip of the throat. Yet that is exactly the effect director Danny Boyle’s assault on the senses had on my 25 year old self when I stepped into that ominous Berkeley theater in 2002. Its opening scene, an escalation of intensity as animal rights people let out, and eventually get bitten by, a virus carrying monkey, remains one of the scariest scenes I have ever experienced in a movie theater. White knuckled does not even begin to describe it, and I am getting chills just typing about it. The rest of the film rarely lets up, and Boyle’s brilliance is in not letting us know just what in the hell is actually going on. Are they zombies? Or something else? No matter what the attacking, raging monsters in 28 Days Later really are (something that still gets debated to this day), the film’s surprise success is probably more than half the reason why zombies are still in multiple forms of media today.
8) Pans Labyrinth (2006)
This is becoming a recurring theme, so bear with me. But honest to God. When I stepped into that theater in December of 2006 to see Pans Labyrinth, I had no idea of what to expect. All I knew was that this was from the same director of Blade 2 and Mimic. I had not caught ALL of Mr Guillermo Del Toro’s resume up until that point (I have since). But when the first frames of Labyrinth were set in motion, and it was becoming abundantly clear that this was an updated, adult version of those fantasy films I loved so much as a kid, I was all in. The movie makes comparisons to the establishment of an impending war that, quite frankly, I could have done without. But the journey of lead character Ofelia as she finds Pan and, most memorably, cannot pass up the opportunity to eat a juicy looking piece of fruit, is a glorious display of beautifully framed and horrific filmmaking. The movie’s climax, while tragic, puts all of our urgent craves in perspective, and Pans Labyrinth is one of the only films that I had to see again as early as the very next showing.
7) Before Sunset (2004)
Made nine years after their initial meeting in 1995’s Before Sunrise, the saga of Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine’s (Julie Delpy) relationship made an even bigger impact on me than director of both Richard Linklater’s first entry. The idea of showing two people talking for an hour and a half straight may seem boring to some. But I was genuinely anxious to see how their relationship would continue after what has to be one of the most romantic nights ever put to film. The answer? More than a little cynical. Celine is the French cynical sort who points to Jesse’s exploits in his still young life, and even laughs at his keeping their promise to meet her at the same train platform they separated from in Sunrise. But the developments that happen between the two during Before Sunset meant so much to me because I was at such a turning point of my life in 2004. Seeing it with my girlfriend at the time, Jesse’s swooning of Celine’s dancing to the singing of Nina Simone, believe it or not, led to our impending break-up. Now, you can look at this series of events as me being the only person who could spoil one of the sexiest endings to a film in recent memory. But I choose to look at it as a new beginning. The ending of which, me chasing the tail of that perfect Celine, is still impending.
6) Zodiac (2007)
Ahhh, 2007. Almost all my Binge co-horts seem to agree that this was one of, if not the, most satisfying movie years of the entire millennium. It is hard to argue that point, as there were plenty of films to swoon over. But David Fincher’s Zodiac meant more to me than any other film to me that year. First of all, it was his first film since 2002’s Panic Room. A film many find to be disappointing. But he was also taking on a story that took place literally minutes from where I grew up. Fincher, like me, grew up in the California Bay Area, and his directing style of shadows and darkness were never put to better use than when he showed the horror that came with the true life Zodiac case. The question of why he took on a film based on a case that was never solved is a questionable one -and he does in fact draw some Oliver Stone style conclusions by film’s end- but Fincher obviously took the case to heart, and wanted to show us all what he was made of by making his most uncompromising film to date. Unquestionably two films in one, Zodiac possesses some great performances from all involved, the beginning of Robert Downey Jr’s comeback, the darkly comedic irony of having Donovan’s daughter Ione Skye’s character attacked during her father’s song Hurleygurley Man, and the scariest Roger Rabbit voice man Charles Fleischer had been or will ever be on film.
5) A.I. (2001)
I was THIS close to including that dildo factory working Canadian Jim Law’s entry Minority Report in this spot. Mostly because it is probably the most quintessential Steven Spielberg film this millennium has seen so far. But, going by the mantra of this article, I included A.I. because of the effect the movie has had on me in recent years. As I outlined in total detail in my prior Revisits column, A.I. was a movie I didn’t think twice about when I left the theater in 2001. I wanted E.T. Not this robot boy who was one ‘I see dead people’ phrase away from making me hate him. But seeing his inability to grow up, and journey toward the ‘blue fairy,’ as well as the tragedy behind it all, is what makes A.I. give me chills when I watch it today. On the film’s blu ray extras, Spielberg almost arrogantly points out that while the cynical outlook of main character David may seem like the brain child of original screenwriter Stanley Kubrick, it was actually the addition of Spielberg himself. Working through a life of exploits, A.I. has set a new standard of Spielberg viewing for me. One which tells more than a story of not growing up. But the horrors that come with doing so.
4) Drive (2011)
I’m just going to go ahead and get this out of the way. Nicholas Winding Refn is my favorite director so far this century. The man has such a poetic eye for storytelling, that it is like watching a cynical 70s filmmaker in a modern age. After slipping into the directing slot of Drive following the previous director’s untimely exit from the project, Refn crafted a film of what I can only describe as poetic brutality. Its neon colors may be a turn off to most. But that is what Refn is looking for. Refn doesn’t want us to see what is under his main vehicle’s hood until more than halfway into the film, and Ryan Gosling’s character is nothing short of backed into helping Carey Mulligan out of her shitty situation, only to run head first into lead villian Albert Brooks. There are so many things about Drive that work for me that I don’t even know where to start. Let’s just say from its upstart soundtrack to a beautifully choreographed action scene involving Mad Men‘s Christina Hendricks, all the way to its artistically intentional, less propulsive ending, Drive is a film I revisit at least once, sometimes twice a year.
3) Mulholland Drive (2001)
Even though I could be overheard constantly calling myself a David Lynch fan to anyone who would listen, in 2001, I was anything but. I had not seen one episode of Twin Peaks, and Wild At Heart & Blue Velvet were tough for me to register at the young ages in which I saw them. It wasn’t until Mulholland Drive that I started to…get it. Lynch wasn’t out to tell good stories. In fact, nobody ever knew what the hell Lynch wanted to accomplish with his Hollywood ventures. And that’s what I loved about him. Lynch was the first Hollywood ‘rebel’ whose work I started seeking out, and with Mulholland Drive as my newly realized starting point, there was nowhere to turn but straight forward. I remember walking out of this screening and telling my girlfriend at the time that I enjoyed everything about it except that blonde girl who really couldn’t act. Little did I know, this was Naomi Watts, who was on the brink of breaking out. It wasn’t until my second or third viewing when I began to realize her overacting in the film’s opening scenes was completely intentional. She was wide eyed about her chances to make it in Hollywood. And it was this optimism that would eventually catch up to her.
One of the most brilliant things about Mulholland Drive is that it is almost two films in one. Its first half is a series of exploits, some darkly humorous -a botched hit, a discovered liaison with Billy Ray Cyrus, The Cowboy- some just dark -a nightmare that takes place in a breakfast diner-. But its second half is an unrelenting film noir of constant exploration. Just what does it all mean, exactly? Part of me wishes Lynch had gone through with his plans to turn the film into a TV series. But the other part of me is just happy to have what he fed us. Not with a spoon mind you, but with a double sided butterfly knife.
2) The Dark Knight (2008)
I feel I need to give a deft explanation of why I have included Christopher Nolan’s much hyped second entry in his Batman film series so high on my list. No, I am not one of those IMDb’ers who grace that page with higher than high reviews of the film, and continue to do so at other places. What works so well with The Dark Knight, to me, is the overall synergy of events that surround it. First, the creepy, Crow like stigma which surrounds the late Heath Ledger’s Joker performance is admittedly a huge factor. Just what was it about this character that made him go so far over the edge? Did Jack Nicholson REALLY warn him about the dangers of the role beforehand? And how the hell could he have given an admittedly brilliant performance under such dire circumstances? Believe it or not, this part of the film’s mystique is fascinating to me, and I believe the answers to these questions could someday make for an even more fascinating documentary.
But the beginning of 2008 was not about superheroes. It was about the fear America was living under, while fearing retaliations to our country’s presence in several other countries as a result of 9/11. My daily trips to work and school in the Bay Area’s BART system was spent in a constant state of fear, and what Nolan did so well with The Dark Knight was outline that it does not take one person pretending to be a hero in order to resolve it. It is the fear that we inhabit which feeds our drive towards success. In addition, the film’s beautiful cinematography, its dark blue pallet, its switching from character to character without leaving its audience in a state of flux, and its brutal handling of Rachel Dawse’s demise which is what sets the film apart for me. Plus, after years of being told he could not direct action, Nolan lets loose with a practical effects driven truck and trailer flipping scene that is just as stunning today that it was then. The Dark Knight is one of the only films that I can watch out of order, and I constantly make it my lone watch for Nolan’s entire series, as I feel it is the only time he got all of Batman’s nuances right. And the beauty of it is, not all of it was his doing.
1) Almost Famous (2000)
This was a tough decision for me. Almost Famous really duked it out with The Dark Knight for this spot. But in the end, I went with Famous because of one reason, and one reason only: it is almost perfect. Almost Famous, much like The Dark Knight, was the perfect synergy of everyone involved being on top of their game. Jason Lee, Zooey Deschanel, Kate Hudson, Patrick Fugit, director Cameron Crowe. ALL of them would never be better than how they are here. Crowe had carved out quite a niche in telling romantic stories that felt real and close to the heart. But I would argue he had not until Famous, nor has he since, found the perfect formula. Hudson is not only stunning to look at, but also delivers lines like ‘you are home’ with such heartfelt compassion that it is hard not to love her. Of course, Crowe’s way of crafting the perfect soundtrack is proven correct here, and the only thing I could point to as being wrong is Frances Mcdormand’s mom character, who at times walks the line of being a caricature. But, we all have moms. And with Almost Famous, we have the perfect mesh of awesome 70s music and beautifully done storytelling.
Some things are just a part of life. Air is what we breathe, barbers will always have return business and Hollywood is going to keep producing remakes. While a small percentage of remakes are good, I’d like to turn our attention to some films that acutally could benefit from being remade. Constantly there are reminders of the failure of Hollywood remakes, from Black Christmas to Arthur, but here’s a list of ten films that I think could and should be improved upon.
300 – 300 was and continues to be a fairly popular film and there is precedent for that. Without straying from the source material, 300 was a retelling of the Frank Miller graphic novel that gained a lot of traction due to the success of Sin City before it. Zack Snyder, a guy who I do not particularly like as a filmmaker, does an adequate job here making one of the great “hoo-rah” pump-up movies of the past few years, and films like this will always have a place with a certain audience. For me, 300 was a massive let down, but it was my own fault for letting the hype get to me. The trailers are still phenomenal, but the movie around them is incredibly one-dimensional and anti-climactic. The real tragedy is that the real story behind the 300 Spartans is MUCH MORE EPIC than what was put to page here. For example, did you know that the Spartans actually fought off the Persian army for three days AFTER Leonidas was killed, just to recover his body? There’s a really great action-drama in the vein of Apocalypto waiting to be made here and it is a shame that we haven’t gotten it yet. If ever there was a story that needs a fresh take on the big screen, I think it’s this one. Possible Directors – Peter Jackson, Mel Gibson, George Miller
Fire In The Sky – When your movie is famous for a terrifying alien probe scene you know you have something special. The unfortunate reality of Fire in the Sky is that outside of that one horrifying scene the movie suffers from being pretty average. There is not a surplus of great alien horror films out there from the perspective of people being abducted and in the right filmmaker’s hands this could be a modern classic, almost like the anti-Close Encounters.
Slaughterhouse-Five – One of the strangest time-travel stories ever, the movie simply struggles to capture what the book conveys so well. Without spoiling the story, Slaughterhouse-Five is about a man caught in time named Billy Pilgrim. Pilgrim seems to experience all moments of his life at once, only pausing occasionally in different times of self-awareness. Time travel is a tricky subject and especially so when you have a concept as abstract as this one, but intelligent science fiction is not too common so I think there is a place for this in the cinematic landscape. Possible Directors – Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, Shane Carruth
Soylent Green – There have been a ton of suggested gritty reboots over the past few years but Soylent Green is one that needs to happen. The entire idea of this film is ripe with social commentary, and like Slaughterhouse-Five could be the next great science-fiction concept. While the original film is a classic product of the 70’s, the themes of this film could be expanded upon and made into something even more meaningful and special with some quality writing.
Spawn – At some point, Spawn is coming back, so maybe this is an easy target. That being said, Spawn was always a really dark and intriguing character to me. A guy who dies and sells his soul to the devil in exchange to see his wife again is something that is pretty primal and ridiculous. The Michael Jai White film was largely a failure due to timing and execution. In a world where Deadpool is getting a fair shake, I think the odds of seeing a good Spawn film are higher now than ever before.
Star Trek The Final Frontier – I think we all have certain films that no matter how bad they are we just don’t care. For me, Star Trek The Final Frontier is one of those films, most likely due to the fact that I saw it so young. Despite that, the search for God is something that Star Trek is uniquely positioned to examine, it just seems that Shatner was not the guy to pull it off whatsoever. While Abrams was abjectly wrong for trying to remake The Wrath of Khan, my vote would have been to rework this story and run with it.
Super Mario Brothers – Let’s face it, Super Mario Brothers doesn’t have much in the way of redeeming qualities. In fact, I don’t know the name of the director who could have done this justice, but I do know who could knock this out of the park: Pixar. Whether it’s Pete Docter or any of the other phenomenal talent they have, I’d vote Pixar on this all day. While the licensing might be a challenge it would be well worth the investment.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – Superhero team-ups are all the rage these days so I think now is as good a time as any to take another crack at this one. Granted, Alan Moore is not kind to anyone who adapts his work, but I don’t think his approval is needed to make something great out of this. Who wouldn’t want to see an R-rated superhero team-up with famous literary characters? The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a must-remake if ever there was one.
The Odyssey – This movie is largely the entire reason why I created this article. To date, no one has made an effective or competent cinematic version of The Odyssey. The Hallmark channel Armand Assante production was ok, but it’s nowhere near as expansive or adult as I believe the story calls for. Greek mythology has not fared too well in recent years with there being an interesting opportunity for something innovative to be done. The Odyssey is one of the world’s oldest stories and I think it’s high time someone gives us a take on the material.
The Stunt Man – One of the coolest movie plots I know of, The Stunt Man is a criminally underseen film about a convinct on the run from the police who stumbles onto a movie set. The director hires him on the spot to use as a stunt man in the film he is directing and the stunts get more and more deadly as the shoot goes on. Peter O’Toole absolutely kills it here but this is an often overlooked film in the pantheon of 70’s thrillers. This is the kind of concept that is so wacky you can take it in a bunch of different directions, but I’ll keep my fingers crossed that someday we get an update.