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GAME OF THRONES (S3) EPISODE 8 REVIEW

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SPOILERS AHEAD

Arya Stark would love nothing more than to cave in The Hound’s skull.  The Hound doesn’t mind though.  In fact, he tells her he’ll give her one chance to kill him, but if she doesn’t, he’ll break both her arms. She relents and they start their trek to The Twins for her uncle’s wedding.  Fans of Arya Stark may be a little disappointed with the lack of screen time, but in A Storm of Swords, she basically roams the countryside with The Hound.  Her arc at the conclusion of the book has some pretty great moments, so Arya fans definitely have something to look forward to.

It’s been a while since we had a Dany heavy episode, and this one delivers.  Dany is still amassing an army and treats with the sellsword captains (and lieutenant) of the Second Sons in an effort to win them over to her side.  She’s once again insulted and not taken seriously, but that’s what we love about Dany.  She’s the underdog, and who doesn’t love the underdog?  Later on, the three sellswords discuss their options and find themselves divided on how to go about it.  Daario, the one who argued against killing Dany, brings her the heads of the other two captains and swears his allegiance to her cause.  All the while, she’s standing there naked.  It took a season and a half, but we finally get some Dany nekkidness.

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Melisandre brings Gendry to King Stannis, who gives the boy (his nephew) the once over and says, “Half Robert, half whore.”  If I’m Gendry, I’m thinking, “Did he just call my momma a whore?”  Yes.  Yes he did.   Melisandre pulls the ol’ switcheroo by seducing Gendry into bed and riding him, then tying him to the bed and leeching him for his “king’s blood.”  Did she have to leech his cock though?  That just seems really rude.  Mel uses his king’s blood so that Stannis can issue death warrants on all the other kings by naming each leech a different king (Robb, Joff, etc.) and tossing it into the fire.  Meanwhile, Gendry is still tied up with his leechy cock being all bleedy.

It’s the morning of Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding and the show does a pretty good job of showing how uncomfortable this whole arranged marriage is.  Sansa obviously doesn’t want to marry a dwarf.  Tyrion knows that she doesn’t want to be married to a dwarf.  King Joffrey (writing that makes me want to puke) also knows this, and in one of the biggest dick moves of the entire series, removes the step stool that would allow Tyrion to drape the Lannister cloak on Sansa’s shoulders.  So he has her kneel, while the entire crowd laughs, Joffrey the loudest.  He also walks Sansa to Tyrion, saying that is his duty since she doesn’t have father and he’s, “father of the realm.”  Gross.  Cersei and Margaery share a great moment when the young Tyrell girl calls the Queen her “sister” and Cersei explains the origin of “The Rains of Castamere,” a song written about how badass her father Tywin is.  If Margaery didn’t get the thinly veiled threat, Cersei hammers it home by calmly stating, “If you ever call me sister again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep.”

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Tyrion resolves to get completely shitfaced at the wedding, drowning his sorrow with multiple glasses of wine.  So, it’s like every wedding?  Cool.  Joffrey casually mentions to Sansa that maybe later, he’ll come into her bed when Tyrion is passed out drunk.  This “father of the realm” thing is getting creepy.  Tywin tells Tyrion that he must get Sansa pregnant quickly in order to strengthen their political power (Sansa is heir to Winterfell).  King Joffrey (I’m just doing it to annoy myself now) calls for the bedding ritual, in which the men carry the bride to the bed chamber and strip her naked, and the women do the same for groom.  Tyrion, pissed off and hammered, makes a threat towards Joff with his dagger, silencing the entire room.  The new couple find themselves in their bed chamber where Tyrion vows to never touch her unless she wants to.  What if that’s never, Sansa asks.  Tyrion, dejected, mutters, “And now my watch begins,” a reference to the Night’s Watch vows.  He then passes out on the couch.  Give him a fucking handjob or something.  Wait, she’s 14.  Never mind!

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Finally, Sam and Gilly seek shelter in an old cabin on their way to The Wall.  After some small talk, they’re distracted by the amount of ravens in the heart tree outside.  What’s that?  A white walker.  Sam’s ready to defend Gilly and the baby.  The white walker obliterates the sword and bitch slaps Sam to get to Gilly.  Remembering his obsidian dagger, he takes it out and plunges it into the wight’s back, killing it.  Fucking bad ass.

This was a fantastic episode.  I loved the wedding scene, which was one of my favorites in the book because Tyrion is such a drunken lout and King Joffrey is such an uber cock.  With only two more episodes left, things are going to start coming together (and falling apart) in spectacular fashion.

GAME OF THRONES (S3) EPISODE 7 REVIEW

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Jon Snow, Ygritte and the other “free folk” have made their way past The Wall and into The North.  The show is making a lot out of Jon Snow’s defection from the Night’s Watch to the Wildlings, and whether or not he’s committed to their cause.  Even knowing the outcome, I feel like they’re really beating us over the head with it to make sure we don’t forget what’s at stake for Lord Snow.  The chemistry between Kit Harrington and Rose Leslie is fantastic though, so this storyline isn’t make or break for me.  Orell, the wildling who “warged” the hawk, has his doubts about Jon Snow’s commitment and admits to Ygritte that he’s jealous of their relationship.  A guy that can warg a hawk can’t even get laid?  I have no chance as a wildling.

If you recall from the first season, The Young Wolf, Robb Stark, was pledged to marry a daughter of Lord Walder Frey in return for passage through The Twins, the Frey stronghold, in order to meet Tywin Lannister on the battlefield.  King Robb wound up marrying the nurse Talisa.  Now, the Stark contingent finds themselves in a predicament with Robb’s uncle Edmure (Catelyn’s brother) being offered up to marry a Frey girl.  They strategize how to play their cards in this game, then Robb and Talisa slink off to make sexy time and we get a great dual butt shot, where Talisa mentions that she’s preggers.

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Margaery counseling Sansa on her marriage to Tyrion is an interesting scene, and you get the feeling that, yet again, Sansa is being used as a pawn for a bigger game that Margaery seems to know well.  Littlefinger did warn her that life wasn’t a song, and that she’d learn that the hard way.  Margaery attempts to silver linings playbook this shit by saying that Tyrion is an “experienced” man and that he looks better with a scar on his face.  Nice try, babe.  Later, while Tyrion is brooding over his impending marriage, Bronn insists that Tyrion wants to fuck Sansa but just doesn’t want to admit it.  Shae also brings this up when Tyrion visits her.  Jealous bitches be cray.

In the books, Tywin Lannister is one of the most feared, ruthless and respected battle commanders in the history of Westeros but also a proven administrator at court, having been Hand to King Aerys II (Dany’s father).  We get to see a bit of that cold, matter of fact delivery that he’s so famous for when he’s speaking to his spoiled, royal grandson about how he handles his business.  He’s got a point.  We’ve seen how bored Joffrey gets unless he’s killing hookers with a crossbow.

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Joffrey wants to know more about Dany and her dragons, and we see that she’s about to take on the slave city of Yunkai.  Fans of the A Song of Ice and Fire series get annoyed with Dany’s character since around this time she doesn’t even think about heading back to Westeros, but takes it upon herself to free slaves.  The thing about that is where she is in the world is a slave culture, so her freeing of the slaves pisses a lot of people off, especially the flashy dude we see her meet with, who’s part of the Yunkai rulers called “The Wise Masters”.    We get some great dragon shots too, even if they didn’t burn off anybody’s face area.

Theon gets tortured some more while everyone talks about what a great dong he has.  That’s just cruel.  Arya winds up getting kidnapped by The Hound while the show eludes to where her character goes in the future (her God is “death”), and Gendry finds out that he’s the bastard of King Robert Baratheon.  Meanwhile at the Bran Stark camp, Osha warns that they shouldn’t go north of The Wall, then tells a story about how she had to burn her husband when he turned into a wight.

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Finally, Jaime Lannister gets leave to return to King’s Landing, minus Brienne.  He figures that her father will pay a ransom and she’ll get safe passage home.  It’s not until he talks to the maester that he finds out that it’s not gonna happen.  Jaime convinces his escort to head back to Harrenhall to scoop her back up, only to find that she’s fighting a GODDAMN BEAR.   Not only that, but with a wooden sword.  Jaime selflessly tosses himself into the bear pit and helps rescue her.

After an “ok” episode 6, I felt episode 7 “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” was also an “ok” episode.  We’re getting a lot of exposition and set up for things to come (not a bad thing) and at least they’re finally getting to other characters like Bran and Arya more.

Favorite Moment of the Episode:

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King Joffrey sits high on the Iron Throne while his Hand and grandfather lectures him about council meetings being held in the Tower of the Hand.  The King asks if he HAS to walk all the way there if he wants to sit in on his own council.  Tywin Lannnister gives his spoiled grandson and king a long measured look, slowly walks up the few steps to the Iron Throne and says, “We could arrange to have you carried.”    Charles Dance is an intense dude.

Game of Thrones (S3) Episode 5 review

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[fblike]SPOILERS AHEAD

“By what right does the wolf judge the lion?” – Jaime Lannister

 Episode 5 “Kissed by Fire” starts off with a trial by combat between The Hound and Lord Beric Dondarrion.  Before this though, we get to see a prayer from the red priest, Thoros of Myr, who much like Stannis’ red priestess Melisandre, is a follower of R’hllor aka The Lord of Light.  One thing I liked about this scene is that it shows yet another religious faction of the world of Game of Thrones.got-trialMore