Law and Moreno have what you need for the week. We got reviews of Captain Marvel, Isn’t it Romantic, White Boy Rick, Leaving Neverland, The Umbrella Academy, SMILF, Losers, The Other 2, and finally give their thoughts on the season finale of True detective. They Google Voice with callers old and new. They got a Lawlapalooza date so you can book your spot at the bar. They got beer. They got it all. Come get some.
Nate P, laser wars, fart sounds, and an early GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 review. If that doesn’t sound like the greatest BingeCast of all time I got nothing for you here.
Come inside to hear Nate’s long lost first call to the show, his thoughts on the greatest British movies and television shows, and the exclusive first appearance of his daughter on a podcast.
Also, Law and Moreno have a laser war that goes on for way too long and somehow evolves into fart sounds that make Law giggle uncontrollably in the background for the last hour of the show.
We also review a dozen movies, lots of television, and get drunk on some brilliant Google Voice.
Where Timestamp Guy with all the details I forgot?
0:04:20-Law, Moreno, and that Kurt Russell hater across the pond, Nate P. Ammon is off pitching a tent. Not sexual. Literal as it can be. How did Nathaniel discover Binge Media? There’s also the origin story of Nate’s initial GV, but was it his actual first call? Whaaaaa? Law and Moreno track down the Lohhhst (lost) voicemail like Indiana fucking Jones. Nate is asked about British movies and the telly. Peterson can’t wait to try some of that deep duhish pizza in Chicago. Babadish.
0:48:28-TV ROUND UP. Nate just finished that Leah Remini Scientology show, along with The Trip to Spain (what the fuck?) and Happy Valley. Moreno and Law talk Better Call Saul and Fargo. Law brings up Brockmire, Silicon Valley (which Nate jumps in for), Veep, and the Roseanne revival (it’s a thing). Laugh tracks and shit. Team Stephen Merchant or Team Ricky Gervais?
2:00:52-GOOGLE VOICE. Nate imitates Ammon, starts it off right. LASERS HOLY SHIT.
2:30:53-I love this new sounder. Lawlapalooza stuff. More sound effects.
2:41:14-MOVIE HOMEWORK: Joe vs. the Volcano. More lasers.
3:07:00-WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Moreno watched some Alien movies. He also saw Get Out. Law trucks through Avatar, Apollo 13, Fish Tank, American Honey, Colossal, The Fate of the Furious, Life, and Edge of Seventeen. Nate brings his A game and reviews Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
On a shadowy, fall day in October, a group of friends and I gathered together to take an epic journey out to Indianapolis for a comedy show. Planned months in advance for one of my best friend’s birthdays, we all purchased tickets to see Bill Burr at the Murat Theatre in Old National Centre. We all just so happened to gather together the previous night to relax and organize ourselves for the day to follow. However, it turned into a full on shit show, and half of our party woke up the next morning hungover and half-ready for the day’s events. What started as dinner and a movie, quickly escalated to dinner and board games, to dinner and booze, and thus eventually landed in beer pong territory. As the group of friends were joined by other long-time friends throughout the night, it became clear that this weekend was destined for remembrance. As the ping pong balls flew and smoke clouds rolled through, we all quickly forgot how we got to where we were. A crew of people mostly familiar with one another, quickly reverted to shenanigans and hijinx like that of the old days, as the table was filled with Cards Against Humanity, and more booze. This game was insane, and with 8 people at the table it became obvious that we were wild, and out of control. Bottles were falling and cards were being thrown down in disappointment, but the fun was a long way from disappearing.
We woke up the next morning to three hungover birds, who came close to taking it that one step further less than 8 hours before. In a rush, we gathered greasy food and carbonated beverages for those who were in need, and the other two of us began the party anew. Joking that this was supposed to be a night out on the town, involving drinks and more hijinx, we decided that us two were left to be filling ourselves with more of the devil’s drink. The drive to Indianapolis was long and tired, and though conversation was kept up, it was clear that we were all waiting impatiently to arrive at our destination for our entertainment. Greeted by a headless, dancing pinup girl in heels, made from electronic lights on a cold, Indy corner, we found a place to leave our car for the evening. As we walked around a downtown part of Indianapolis, it became clear that we were no longer in Cincinnati. Chili only on dogs, and not on spaghetti? Hipster boutiques galore and niche food joints for the masses? We clearly, were not at home anymore. As we continued our journey to the venue, stomachs churning for multiple reasons, we found that we didn’t have quite enough time to get a meal down. Instead, we headed in to the price gouging vendors for what they provide you at things like these: popcorn, candy, and really fucking expensive beer.
We loaded up, candy in the hands of someone who just earlier wasn’t sure if they’d make it, and beers in the hand of my best friend and myself. His was $9, and mine $11, but little did I know that that money was an investment that would pay off dividends. As we started into the theater to see our opening acts, we came to an agreement that we would drink this one and hold off until after. Because you know… Money. But as the first drink was finished, we were only one comedian into the show. Sitting in the balcony high above the well-dressed and wealthy in image, my friend made his first trip to drip. I could feel that the situation was leading to more drinks, because well his were only $9 and why not re-up? I asked him to do the same for me, “I got you back”. The beers arrived cold and full, unlike those that we had just thrown under the seats. I took down the second beer with gusto, as at this point I was more thirsty than anything and thought my drink tasted good. My buddy followed suit, and before I knew it I was in the boy’s room too.
As I meandered about the large bathroom, finding a place to free up some room, I noticed the shittiest, shitty, covered in shit toilet I have ever seen. Apocalyptic levels of repulsion set in, as I noticed the freshness of the mess and its absolute lack of visible control. But then I thought to myself, “do I feel shitty?”, and the answer was no. Then I thought, you know we’re supposed to be shitting this place up a storm, not some other guy with the worst bowel movements I’ve ever seen. We’re the shit throwers of the shit show, and we’re here to bring the place down. Fortunately, as I was walking out I saw the vendor table, which was on your way back to the showroom. There was no one in the room, and no one in line, but three well-dressed ladies standing there waiting to serve you your next concession. I fell for the trap, in the midst of daydreams about getting wasted, and having the good old time that we’d already started the night before. I bought another $11 beer, and that was that. We saw Burr’s two opening acts, the first of which was better than the second, though both were great. During these third beers, we witness the man himself, perform the single best set I’ve ever seen.
Bill Burr was phenomenal, and I mean that. I’ve seen a good deal of comedy shows in the last few years. I’m sure not as many as some of my colleagues, and probably not as many as most people, but we’ve seen them all in my book. Aziz Ansari and Jay Mohr were highlights of my comedy viewing career, and we’ve seen Josh Blue and a few others, who we’ve all liked. This guy was the cream of the crop, the last comic standing in my to-see list. He exceeded my expectations, and absolutely hammered the crowd with some of the best stuff I’ve heard him do. I tend to stick with his older specials, but goddamn I hope this one comes out soon so we can see it perfected. He had the crowd without breath for the last 30 minutes, and I’ve never cry laughed so hard in my life, and for so long. I couldn’t have been happier in those last few moments, as Bill brought his stuff around for one last point. As we exited the theater, it was clear who was the drunkest person of the group, but I wasn’t going to tell him.
We somehow made our way to Chili’s far, far away from where we were. It was something normal for us Ohioans, as the restaurant scene near the venue seemed a bit out of touch with our pockets at this point. As we continued this crazy night that had only just begun, we got the single closest server you could get to having the Dos Equis guy taking care of you. He got our beers, he cleaned up our table so good that he took my uneaten french fries with him. We were obviously being hurried from the restaurant, as the drunken friend’s belligerence became ever more apparent. A ranch cup on the floor, and sticky ranch pants the result. Two empty beers, and leftover food that should have helped to assuage the worries of our stomachs. We piled in the car to begin the most epic part of the night. My best friend and I used to tour the streets of Cincinnati, from our vehicle, belting the album The Pick of Destiny by Tenacious D. The road was long still, and at this hour it would be awhile, so we took it upon ourselves to entertain. I, Kyle Gass, and my friend, JB(W), began from the beginning and powered our way through the best show we’ve ever put on. We arrived home safely, and a little worse for wear, but it was all worth every moment.
I had such a great weekend, and I thought this fit both “comic” and “binge” so I thought I’d share. Especially in the lack of comic book reading in my life currently, because of school and other such things. This will be one of the best moments of my life, and Bill Burr’s perfect set will go down in history as the best I’ve seen, of that I’m sure. I hardly remember a single damn word, but holy shit was it amazing. The whole room, the set, the comedians… It was all golden. Thanks to my lovely lady for putting up with the drunken man, that unfortunately she had chosen to spend her weekend with. If you haven’t figured out already, that man was me, in rare form. But it was supposed to happen that way, and it makes me excited for the next time that responsible, adult partying happens in my favor. It’s not something I normally do, but last weekend was a blast from the past and a half. Thanks also to the group of amazing friends that we went with, because it surely will be a night to remember. What an awesome weekend of success. Thanks for reading everyone, and I hope you’ve enjoyed my over dramatic retelling of my previous weekend. Have a safe and crazy Halloween Binge!
Ho-ly fuck. It’s Friday morning and I’m #stilldrunk. That’s not going to stop me from bringing you another edition of Goddamn I’m old, or as we here at Binge Media like to call it, Flashback Friday. This edition we bring you the classic Smashing Pumpkins double album Melon Collie and The Infinite Sadness. Released 20 years ago this October this set, in my opinion is Billy (William can eat a dick) and companies last great release. From one of the best opening 1-2 track combos with Melon Collie and The Infinite Sadness/Tonight, Tonight to the finale of Farewell and Goodnight it’s an effort that isn’t easily duplicated. Whether it’s been a decade since you’ve checked it out or have yet to experience it’s greatness, it’s just a click away. So stop reading this non-proofread post and go listen, and have a fantastic fucking weekend.
Track Listing
Disc One – Dawn To Dusk
Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness
Tonight, Tonight
Jellybelly
Zero
Here Is No Why
Bullet With Butterfly Wings
To Forgive
Fuck You (An Ode To No One)
Love
Cupid de Locke
Galapogos
Muzzle
Porcelina of Vast Oceans
Take Me Down
Disc Two – Twilight to Starlight
Where Boys Fear To Tread
Bodies
Thirty-Three
In The Arms of Sleep
1979
Tales of A Scorched Earth
Thru The Eyes of Ruby
Stumbleine
X.Y.U.
We Only Come Out At Night
Beautiful
Lily (My One and Only)
By Starlight
Farewell and Goodnight
And possibly my favorite track off the album (today anyway)…
There’s been a lot of positives for the site in the last few weeks and we’re finally ready to unveil our latest project. The Binge Media merchandise store is now open for business. We got hats, beer coozies, shirts, flasks, magnets, and will be adding to the list pretty regularly as time goes on. We’d be nowhere without our listeners so hopefully they can sport a couple of these bad boys and wear them proud. Every time we get drunk together (every time we get together) we think of new ideas for the store and have plans for shirts with quotes on them, shirts with some of our go-to catchphrases (BABADIIICK!) and of course the whole “Ammon as a roadie for Korn” line that should be fantastic. Click the pic below and buy some shit. I know I am.
Yes, it’s that time of year again, the one day where everyone gets to feel like they have a little Irish in ’em. St. Patrick’s Day is, like all other holidays, an excuse to drink, and while we here at Binge Media scoff at the idea of “just drinking on holidays”, it’s easy to forget that there are many folks who absolutely loved the holiday for what it represented to them: their Irish heritage. Yeah, it’s bastardized and commercialized, as all holidays are, but on St. Patrick’s Day I don’t make a special point to drink or go out. I usually think about my Grandad, the man whose namesake I carry on (he was Jr., I’m IV) and who, in his own way, proudly wore his heritage on his sleeve. How, you may ask, does a red-blooded Irishman enjoy his people’s holiday? Well, I’ll tell you…
Do the Dew, indeed. Grandad’s been gone for a few years now but every 17th of March I make a special point to crack open my bottle of this angelic nectar and throw one back for the old man. Tullamore Dew was his drink of choice and it makes for a nice accent to a well-made meal. Speaking of which…
Corned-beef and cabbage is the staple here but I must admit I can’t stand the stuff. Any meat that isn’t properly murdered and cooked before being served is questionable at best. Call me Ron Swanson but I need my beef dead, dead and then charred before I’ll touch it. Rather, I go with old reliable:
In the same vein of there being multiple ways to skin a cat, I go for the luscious Pastrami sandwich. The one pictured above would do, but I have my own special method for grilling the rye bread and adding the thinly sliced Clausen pickles INSIDE of the sandwich that really drive this sucker into the endzone. Call me sentimental but every year all I can ever think of is Grandad and how he used to celebrate the holiday, and while it’s great to go out and get shitfaced from time-to-time, I choose to honor my Grandad and drink responsibly. Maybe it’s not as glitzy and glamorous as all you fuckers out there were expecting but I feel like it’s the proper amount of celebration for a holiday such as this.
Now that that’s done with, time to talk shop. Ladies and germs, welcome to the 2015-2016 Hottie Draft! All you fuckers are gonna burn this year! If it wasn’t for Said Helal I would have taken all y’all BabaDIIICK munches with ease, and if you think this year is any different guess again. I can understand you’re all full of hope and promise, but anyone in the BABADIIICK Division better be on notice: you’re competing against Binge Media’s Sons of Anarchy Prediction Contest Champion, to say nothing of the glorious Patriots victory (Ammon and TM can suck it) that will continue into the next football season. Yes, be ready for my BABADIIICKING of y’all bitches.
On a more serious note, this year I’ve decided to bequeath all of you with a special bonus for being in the draft. I will be creating Facebook banners for the Hottie Draft featuring your team name (which will be the name the guys gave you in the original announcement posting on the site) and your three hottie selections. What I need from YOU is to contact me via Facebook (Jack Falvey IV) and PM me if you want a banner. I won’t go through and do them if you don’t ask, so get on that shit if you want in! They will look sick and will provide ample dinner conversation as well, so it’s a win-win-win for everyone.
Next week I have some time to myself and I will be catching up completely on Banshee and possibly some flicks, but I would also like to mention my PSN gamertag is MovieFreak4702 and if anyone has Helldivers, hit me up, yo! Binge On!
People ask me a lot, “Law what makes you tick? What are some of your favourite things? Why are you drunk?” It’s been a while since I wrote aboot a few of my favourite things in the world. And I figured what better time than after my vacation and before I go back to fuckhole work and watch 94 movies in two days. If you’re looking to buy me shit for Boxing Day, take note.
Beer
I fucking love me some Alexander Keith’s. It’s beer, and it’s cold and that’s the only thing I need in my face in the summer. Best of all, it’s Canadian. Like me. I’m Canadian. When I’m not drinking the Keith’s, a good ginger beer holds me over until I get more Keith’s. It’s gingery, and it’s beer. Labatt Blue? If ya got it. Corona? Fuck off. Beer is at the top of the list. Beer also goes good with….
Pizza
Oh pizza? Oh pizza be my shit! Just look at that melted cheese. It’s like a pizza cake. Serve me pizza cake for my birthday and fuck right off. One time Moreno and I drove up to Montreal and ate pizza for like three days straight. Moreno wore wifebeaters and we yelled “Shia Lebouf” at French Canadian strippers all night. Fucking Mexicanish. Pizza is my favourite shit yo! Every time I go to Chicago (stay tuned for Jim Lawlapalooza 2014) I make Moreno take me to get Giordano’s stuffed pizza. Here’s what I love about pizza: dough, cheese, sauce. That’s the kinda shit I’m talking aboot. That be my shit!
Pixar
You’ve seen my Pixar collection right? You should. Deal with it. I like Pixar. Nothing geeks me oot more than Pixar. That and pizza. And beer. Fuck off. I’m drunk.
Farts
Farts fucking rule, eh? Fucking love me some farts. Mine anyway. Nothing I like more than farting in a room, and leaving as someone enters. It’s like I detonated a fart, Rambo style. If I had a hit 70s song, it’d be called, “Don’t Go Breaking My Fart”. That shit would rock oot the charts. Way back in the day they called me “Achy Breaky Fart” and I farted on everyone. I’m drunk.
It’s that time of year again when work can go fuck itself and I pack up the van full of tiny Laws and head to cottage country. There’s few things I need while on vacation. A lake. Beer. Sunscreen. That alone could get me through the week. However, while some people like to make cottage playlists on their iPod, I tend to organize a variety of movie marathons to be enjoyed by everybody (me). We need a “driving five hours to get there” marathon. A “parents only night time” marathon. A cautious “it’s raining everyday / worst vacation ever” marathon. And various other viewing options throughout the week just because.
So here’s the list of what I’ll be powering through in the next week while driving, relaxing, drinking, napping, and eating. In that order.
STAN LEE’S MIGHTY 7
I’m proud of the fact that my kids know who Stan Lee is. They actually pick him out in all his Marvel movie cameos. Now that he’s a character in his own cartoon movie it was a no-brainer that I’d hook them up. Sadly, he looks like the coolest part of this.
TARZAN
This is more of a test for my kids. The film currently has one star and is 19% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. If they like this, they like anything, and greatly lower my respect for their tastes. Also, I pray none of them want to go out as this asshole for Halloween.
JUSTICE LEAGUE: WAR
This looks pretty great. I really enjoy every third or fourth DC animated movie. They seem to come out every month. I have to be on my toes here though, the last time I let my boys watch one of these they seemed a little too interested in Power Girl’s rack.
VIDEO GAMES: THE MOVIE
Even though I’m not much of a gamer any more, this one is more for Daddy. The kids will get excited when they see Sonic and Mario on the cover but quickly lose interest the very second a real human talks. Who raised these little assholes?
NOAH
Have little interest in this to be honest but I figured the in-laws go to church and stuff so they might be impressed with my selection. This is how my mind works.
THE OTHER WOMAN
This is another one for the family. My wife and her sister can bask in the girl power while I cringe at Cameron Diaz’s face and act like I don’t notice Kate Upton in a bikini.
I also have some reading material for down time and poops.
THE HEDGE KNIGHT
My brother bought me these last Christmas but I’ve been waiting for the right time to settle in with them. Now seems better than ever. I poop a lot on vacation.
My beers of choice at this years festivities are Alexander Keith’s (of course, this is my shit), some Steam Whistle, and Crabbies Raspberry Ginger Beer when I want to get crazy. It’s like pop and it gets me drunk. That is pretty awesome.
So there you have it, my entire agenda for the next week. No Binge Cast for me, no blog next week, no worries. I’ll be the drunk guy by the water.
America’s birthday has come and gone, and I’m happy to report that while a case of High Life was killed, I survived and still have all my fingers attached, so it was pretty much a win-win. During the holiday, I played rounds upon rounds of one of my new favorite party games: CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY. The tagline pretty much sums it up: a party game for horrible people. I fucking love this game because I am, as it turns out, a horrible person. So horrible, in fact, that while there are some pretty epicly harsh and grotesque cards in the deck, I still haven’t come across one that offends me, makes me blush (like a fife), or is so hardcore that I can’t read it aloud. And I’m playing this with my family—no, not my kids, but nephews, in-laws, aunts, cousins, and so on. Meanwhile, my wife can hardly hold a straight face, and no one else can drop “3 dicks at one time” without losing their shit. And yet, I’m able to read the cards without even a glimpse of a freak-out, because… well, I’m a horrible person. For example, I had to explain to a room full of mixed company what “pixeled bukkake” is and I’m shocked that I’m the only person there who can articulate the definition. That was almost awkward, but not quite. Awesome game, yo! Ya’ll need to dive balls deep into this one if you haven’t already. And if we ever play, just know that anything that has to do with midgets wins every fucking time.
I’m an Arnold Schwarzenegger mark, always have been and always will be. Ever since TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY the dude has been a literal action hero to me. The 80s and 90s were his playground and he fucking ruled the school. So now that he’s back after doing that Govenor thing, and I’m loving the new Arnold era. I’m a big fan of THE LAST STAND, I enjoyed THE EXPENDABLES (but fucking hated THE EXPENDABLES 2), so I was super stoked to check out SABOTAGE… though, I wasn’t able to check it out theatrically (which really bummed me out). This week, I finally checked it out and will say this: this is Arnold’s most adult, balls-to-the-wall hardcore action movie that has ever done. It’s gritty, it’s bloody, it’s despicable, it’s dirty, and he drops the more F-bombs in this beast than any other movie to date. This isn’t a spectacle action flick with a ridiculous budget, but a modest, down-and-dirty little cop thriller that, for the most part, I really dug. I get that I’m biased here, but whatever. Arnold is old, but awesome, and his supporting cast of characters is impressive (Sam Worthington, Josh Holloway, that chick from THE KILLING, Terrence Howard, some beardy guy). It’s not better than director David Ayer’s END OF WATCH, but it’s still a solid watch that left me satisfied, and provides some classic Arnold moments (he even gets to utter his most uttered line: “Get Down!”). All in all, I give it a solid 7 on 10.
I’m not caught up entirely on 24: LIVE ANOTEHR DAY (I didn’t catch this week’s episode), but hot damn is this show entertaining as fuck. I love it. Jack Bauer is the man. I love that he doesn’t give a fuck and will throw bitches out of windows and shit and not even think about consequences. He had it a decade ago and let’s face it, he still has it today. Either give the man his own full-length theatrical movie already, or just keep throwing more seasons of television at him cause he’s the shit right now. I also love his use of the word “damnit”—pay attention and you’ll notice that it’s his go-to swear (since it’s on Fox and that’s all he can get away with). Some internet joker put together a clip on the YouTube every time he said “damnit” during the original show’s run and afterwards, it’s all I can think about when I watch the show and hear him say “damnit”. It’s fucking hilarious.
I caught an early screening of THE STRAIN last week but forgot to talk about it. Directed by Guillermo del Toro, the new show on FX proves that, once again, FX is the network to reckon with for quality television. I loved the first episode of THE STRAIN and can’t wait to see how the rest of the series unfolds. The bald dude from HOUSE OF CARDS (now with hair!) is really good, as is the supporting cast, which includes Sean Astin and the great Robert Davi. The mystery is solid, the show’s atmosphere is thick with supernatural intrigue, and the episode ends on such a note that you won’t be able to wait for episode 2 soon enough. The Binge Media offices are buzzing cause the decision was made to do a commentary for the show without seeing whether the show was gonna worth it or not, and let me tell you… it was a great decision as the show is pretty damn fantastic already. Be sure to check that out (and the commentary), starting next week.
Have a fun week of living the High Life, ya’ll! It’s hot out there, and only the Champagne of Beers will cool you down. Trust me, I’m a scientist.