With Season 7 of Game of Thrones quickly approaching, I was once again torn between watching the show and holding out for The Winds of Winter. Since it’s unlikely we’ll get both TWOW and A Dream of Spring before the entire series ends (hoping to jinx myself here), I resigned myself to watching Season 7 and eventually, Season 8.
I enlisted my homeboy Art from Cali (an A Song of Ice and Fire geek in his own right) to discuss one of my favorite storylines in the novels. Let’s just call it the “Young Griff” storyline. There’s a lot of things that are either missing or changed in the show and I wanted to highlight, arguably, the most important storyline when it comes to Westeros and the Iron Throne.
We talk about Young Griff, Griff, Tyrion and how history in Westeros tends to repeat itself in future generations. Not in exact terms, but the same themes often pop up.
Art and I talked for a long time and we could’ve easily done another few shows. And we will definitely be doing that if you guys are interested. What other storylines should we discuss? Or should we go and discuss theories like we initially planned? Let us know!
As a companion piece to our Game of Thrones S6 finale commentary, Jack and I decided to cast the Binge Staff and Friends as Game of Thrones characters, on a whim.
Why not? It would serve everyone to check out some cool fan art, but also serve us to slap our friends around.
Have fun cocksuckers!
Luke/Any fucking Maester
Why? Cuz he can read a fucking map.
Jack Valley/Beric Dondarrion aka The Lightning Lord
During Making a Sasquatch, Jack Valley spearheaded the hunt for the identity of the person behind the Sass FB account, much in the same way Beric led men into the Riverlands to hunt and bring The Mountain to heal. While neither of those fucking plans worked out, Valley/Dondarrion didn’t give up on their respective missions, no matter how many times they were killed.
TM – Tom O Seven Strings
The great TM and Tom O Seven Strings seem like a no brainer, and not just because their fucking names are the same. Both travel with their stringed instruments in hand, both travel with a band of outlaws, and both love the ladies. Now, we’re not saying that TM has bastards all over the goddamn realm like Tom O Seven Strings does, but we’re saying it’s possible that he has bastards all over the goddamn realm.
PeteMC – Samwell Tarly
PeteMC is a devious mother fucker, but in his heart of hearts this cocksucker just wants everybody to get along. Also, we TOTALLY BUY that he has, at least once, travelled to the great North (Canada) to slay a White Walker (French Hooker) of his own now and again.
Batch – Doran Martell
Doran Martell can be defined by a small set of characteristics: basically he is a recluse that plays a FUCK ton of Cyvasse. Only Batch, one of our resident GameCast hosts, can fit this bill. The Dornish kinda seem like they’d be super into the CW network, so really this is a no-brainer.
Garrett Collins – Melisandre, The Red Bitch
Melisandre, disciple of R’hllor is someone that the show watchers should probably hate. While she may have resurrected IFOOKINLUVUJONSNEEEW, she still burned the princess Shireen, which on the cosmic scalesstill has her in the negative. Garrett’s opinions can sometimes make him seem like more of a cocksucker than he really is, but despite pressure to conform Garrett maintains his beliefs, just like the Red Bitch does. We’re also convinced that if he really wanted to 4 on 10 could secrete a shadow demon assassin out of his ass.
Kupka – Stannis Baratheon
Stannis (The Mannis) is a mother fucker who will NOT be swayed. Stubborn, cocksure (natch) and bull-headed, our resident GoT show separatist fuuuuckin Supka fits this bill. Also, we have no doubt about the fact that Supka would have a family member burned in order to take supreme power. Cocksucking Kupka is definitely Stannis.
Nick – Gendry
Bastard of Robert Baratheon, possible heir to the throne and been missing for years, Gendry falls to Nick Spears our resident Comic Binge writer. While Gendry’s overall importance might be a lot greater, frankly we haven’t seen much of him. Since Nick has yet to be on a podcast, this just feels right. Plus we don’t think Nick will take offense to that badass helm.
OH HAI Denny Luis – Bronn
Look, this one isn’t that difficult people. OH HAI Denny Luis works in security. Bronn is a bounty hunter/sellsword. Denny Luis goes to see movies with the Arcade Fire while Bronn fucks a lot of whores. So maybe it’s not that similar, but still, if there’s anyone on the site that can fit the cocksucking bill, it’s OH HAI Denny Luis
Robert Anthony Richard – Jaime Lannister
Mr. Bob A Dick himself, also known as Jay, is the morally grey Kingslayer for a bunch of reasons. For starters, Jay USED to be known as Creepy 209 guy, but has now proved his worth to the Binge Media world. Also, he fucks his sister, allegedly.
Nate Peterson – Varys aka The Spider
Bald? Check. Vauge European accent? Check. Wordplay? Check. Cockless? Well…we’re 80% sure on that one but otherwise this is super spot on.
Moreno – Oberyn Martell aka The Red Viper
If Dorne = Spain then Oberyn = Moreno (simple math you cocksuckers). Seriously though, show Oberyn (ShOberyn?) breathed some life into a really well written character that likes to fight, fuck, eat tacos and listen to Steely Dan. Pretty sure that’s Moreno in a nutshell.
Law – Tormund Giantsbane
There’s no shortage of big, drunk assholes in A Song of Ice and Fire, so this was a bit tricky to suss out. Ultimately (thanks for that Logan), Law and Tormund Giantsbane share too much in common. Both are from north of The Wall (Canada), both drink like assholes, and both claim they fucked a she-bear. Tormund blesses you with a “happy shitting”, Law’s equivalent is of course, a sounder and surprise poops. They also make shitty jokes like this: “King o’ the Wildlings? Har! King o’ My Hairy Butt Crack, more like.” Good one.
Logan – King Tommen I Baratheon
They’re both high pitched cocksuckers and like cats. What more do you want?
Art from Cali – Qyburn
Art is a listener who showed up on the Binge scene some time back and has been hiding in the shadows until this year, when the Binge Movie Fantasy League brought him out of hiding and onto Facebook. Even then, he was still shady AF. Once he appeared on a Game of Thrones Season 6 commentary, he showed a wealth of knowledge, not only about Westeros, but Planetos as a whole. He may be as knowledgeable as a maester, but his shadiness awards him no maester chain.
Ammon – Grand Maester Pycelle
Pycelle is a devious fucker in both the books and the show. It’s clear from the outset that Pycelle is an actor, putting on a show for everyone at King’s Landing to see. However, his weird demeanor could be due to the fact that he’s so fucked up on MILKOFTHEPOPPY. Ammon is a flip-flop-wearing high-ass mother fucker who would totally be hitting that shit every night. They’re like twins.
With Season 7 of Game of Thrones quickly approaching, I was once again torn between watching the show and holding out for The Winds of Winter. Since it’s unlikely we’ll get both TWOW and A Dream of Spring before the entire series ends (hoping to jinx myself here), I resigned myself to watching Season 7 and eventually, Season 8.
