There are film series. And then there is the Alien series.
There may never be a more different set of films than the Alien films. A series where the first four entries only similarity is Sigourney Weaver’s character of Ellen Ripley. The second set is looked at by many as a wasted opportunity, and the original’s director comes back over thirty years later to tell the philosophy filled backstory. Moods contained in the films change, as do directors behind the scenes. But will we adapt to them all the further we go along?
I have been looking for an excuse to do a retrospective on for the almost two years I have been injecting this format into the Binge Aftertaste. And with Alien Covenant rolling right around the corner (a review of which will end this series of podcasts), could there be a bigger reason?
Actually yes, as Johnny/Alyx Moreno has not seen the majority of the films. What will he think? How is Aliens to him after being told to watch it at least twice a year since him and Jim Law have been on the air? Will the hype get to him?
I am really looking forward to this series. So download the first episode below and listen to me, Jack Valley, and Johnny/Alyx Moreno journey through space. And beer.
Where’s Ammon? We wait. Ammon shows up. We’re drunk. This is our Saturday night. We’ve come to accept this as a thing. You’re a thing.
TV is starting to heat up which brings new life to TV Round-Up. Most of the movies we review this week are horrible. Logan reviews of Logan save the day. Speaking of Logan, where dat timestamp at, son. Boom.
0:00:00- Hey.
0:01:57-Law and Moreno. Soundboard Ammon. That’s good enough. New Waiting for Ammon is hitting Patreon shortly. Or it’s already there. It probably is. Patreon has a ton of exclusive shit that you probably want to get in on. Independence Day 2 commentary maybe? Will Bill Pullman suck his own dick in that movie?
Come on Bill, do it for the world!! Battleship Mushroom trip revisited. Alien Retrospectives (Podcast Round Up) are going to be the shit. Indy is done. How does AlyMore feel about the Alien flicks without letting out too much? Why doesn’t that Mexican asshole get hard for movie releases anymore?
0:38:29- GOOGLE VOICE. New Law drop within. 25 hours to get Ammon online. Jesus fuck.
1:12:52-TV ROUND UP. Ammon and Moreno yell at Law for his “filler” opinion. Speaking of which, Better Call Saul is up first, followed by Fargo. Law began The Leftovers Season 3. Veep has returned. Moreno is keeping tabs on John Oliver. Survivor has to be discussed, I guess. But some big shit did go down. Law watched a Casey Anthony documentary.
2:08:03-MOVIE HOMEWORK: Dirty Work
2:33:30-WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Ammon begins the segment with The Bye Bye Man and The Great Wall. Then, prepare your earholes for a Logan review of Logan, YA FUCKING DICKS!! R Rated superhero movies should be a thing. Moreno watched Alien and Aliens.
THAT’S IT YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS! I’M GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING REDD’S. GODDAMNIT.
BingeCast is back with a brand new beat. So gross. This will forever be know as the show where three of the four hosts fall asleep at some point during the show. The other one is a late assholio. Drop knowledge, Timestamp Guy!
0:00:00 – Hi.
0:02:05 – Little Bostonpalooza reunion over here. Moreno, Valley and Law are at the ready. Ammon is fucking MIA. Recap of last weekend’s Beantown insanity will be out for Patreon subscribers, yo. Temple of Doom Aftertaste on the way. Hold onto your potatoes! Gross. Alien stuff. BMFML. Stuff on the site. Chad C! Ammon has come. Ew.
1:26:26 – PODCAST ROUND UP: S-Town. Jack then talks about Escape Rooms. Cool.
1:52:26 – TV ROUND UP. Rapid reviews! In this edition, Ammon gives his thoughts on Iron Fist, Legion, and 24: Legacy. Moreno has got Legion as well, Dave Chappelle, and Bill Burr. Law talks about Crashing.
2:04:41 – WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Rapid Reviews continue. Valley revisited Aliens, Law saw The Bye Bye Man, and Live by Night. Moreno takes the mic with Split (which Ammon also gives his two cents on as well),
I guess I can officially be classified as ‘the list man’ around the Binge offices. If you listened to that five hour barrage of drunken stupidity known as the Binge Cast from about a month ago -yyeeeppp, THAT one- then you are well aware of my love for The Witch. While giving my verbal review of the film, I proclaimed it to contain one of the most satisfying endings I have ever seen on film.
This proclamation got me thinking. Not only about why I hadn’t paced myself in the beer department, as my final beer was on its final legs at that point-but also this: If The Witch is going to one day make my list of ten most satisfying endings -and after another viewing or two, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did- it will have to go up against these ten bad boys of cinema. The below list contains a little bit of everything genre wise. But after so many times of walking out of a movie theater cursing out writers due to a thrown together ending -hello The Call– I thought I would put the best parts of those final reels to the test.
Warning: All of the titles I mention below have either pictures of their finales or detailed descriptions of them. Proceed with caution.
10) Heat (1995)
Michael Mann has certainly been getting a ton of references in both my podcast appearances and articles of late. But how can he not? The, uhhh, man, has put together some great films, and an argument could be made that 70% of his filmography could have been sitting comfortably in this spot. But in the end, I decided on Heat for two reasons. One, it is one of his most accomplished works in terms of action and dialogue he has ever done. Also, the synergy that came with having both Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino in the same film, at this exact point in their careers, was satisfying in of itself. The way they came together for a cup of coffee right after Vincent Hanna (Pacino) pulls Neil McCauley (DeNiro) over is far from by the numbers. Why didn’t he take him in? Because Vincent wanted to see where he was coming from, and realized in many instances, they were one of the same. That’s what makes the film’s final moments satisfying. Vincent has won. But he knows in a lot of ways, he lost, because he destroyed a part of himself.
9) Seven (1995)
Along with The Blair Witch Project, this film will forever live atop my list of favorite film going experiences (another list?). One, it has one of the most startling -yet brilliantly set-up- jump scares I have ever seen involving a shackled to his bed drug dealer. But David Fincher’s up front, nihilistic film moves along at a leisurely pace for a good while, as Mills (Brad Pitt) and Summerset (Morgan Freeman) investigate a series of vicious murders, with ‘John Doe’ always having the upper hand. That pace changes as soon as Doe turns himself in. We are then on the end journey with the two detectives, as they take Doe to where his final piece of the puzzle will inevitably be put in place. Wrecked with suspense when a van pulls up -perhaps my favorite single moment of the entire movie- the audience is on the edge of their seat as the driver gets out — and leaves a box. I will not say anymore, other than the fact that going to the movies and seeing the ‘bad guy’ win was a very rare thing in the 90s. Yet Fincher’s insistence -at the expense of a defiantly against it studio- of his film’s final few frames put a permanent stamp on our minds. It made us think about not only how fucked up Doe was, but also just what we would do if put in the exact same situation as Mills. And if he had a choice about whether or not to do what he did.
8) Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1988)
Yeah, I went a little against the grain with this pick. But I feel I do have a pretty good reason why. As was outlined on a recent Bingecast Movie Homework, Steve Martin’s Neil Page spends almost the entire film trying his damndest to get away from John Candy’s shower curtain ring selling Del Griffith. It gets so demanding on Neil, that writer/director John Hughes plays a bit of short hand, as he at one point shows Page standing in his cozy motel room, gazing at Griffith, who was unable to afford a room. Griffith is trying to make the best of the situation, talking to himself, while also trying to stay warm in his car as snow falls around him. Finally, we hear Martin’s voice. ‘What did I do to get hooked up with this guy?’ We ask along with him, but are also thankful they did indeed find each other, as it had resulted in some of the funniest comedy bits from the entire 80s.
By the end of the film, Page finally is able to separate himself from Griffith, saying in closing, ‘tell (his wife) I said hi. I feel like I know her.’ ‘Will do,’ Griffith replies, so softly that it is almost cryptic. After a train ride which sees Page waving goodbye and sighing a deep sigh of relief, Griffith meets him at the next station (whoa, he travels FAST!) and proceeds to tell an inquiring Page that his wife has been dead for eight years, and he in fact doesn’t have a home. The moment in of itself is a heart tugger, and the above image is the perfect metaphor for where and how, after all their travelling, they eventually ended up going to Thanksgiving dinner in tandem. Because they worked together in order to do so.
7) Carrie (1976)
I was fortunate enough to grow up with a mother who was not a psychotic, God fearing zealot. Yay me. Sissy Spacek’s Carrie White, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. In the first film adaptation of Stephen King’s very first published novel, White literally has nowhere to turn. If she doesn’t have kids at school tormenting her about her first period, she was coming home to a mom who was angry about her daughter growing breasts. It is very rare seeing a movie that cultivates in a mother getting killed and then have me deem it ‘satisfying.’ But that is indeed what Carrie amounts to. Living a young life of torment, Carrie finally unleashes her powers and crucifies her mom on the wall with a series of flying kitchen knives.
Margaret White portrayer (and Oscar nominee) Piper Laurie famously declared that she spent the entire filming of Carrie thinking director Brian DePalma was making a comedy. While I have always taken this admission with the tiniest gran of salt, everyone knows the death by knives conclusion wasn’t the REAL ending of the film. But it’s the one that will always live in my memories as its finest moment.
6) The Descendants (2011)
The Descendants, like the majority of Alexander Payne movies, is a film that brings with it a barrel of emotions. One moment, you laugh at George Clooney running -with flip flops on- through a Hawaiian street. The next, you cringe as he meets his wife’s infidelity partner (Matthew Lillard). And finally, you are crying as the two daughters of the film are told -through a heart wrenching montage- that their mother will not make it out of intensive care alive. All the while, older daughter Alexandra (Shailene Woodley) fights with her father, and younger daughter Scottie (Amara Miller) just wants to see her mom.
So, after ALL this, how does Payne leave this family as an audience’s final image? Is it in torment? In constant self-doubt? No to both. We see them curled up on the couch, enjoying bowls of ice cream and watching movies. Together. It’s one of those moments that gets more beautiful the more you think about it, as opposed to seeing as it happens. Yet, I feel it is Payne’s best bit of storytelling of his entire career. Even after everything these three have experienced, they are still a family. And most importantly, they still have each other.
5) The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Perhaps the movie that has come up on the most of these lists of mine, I would be remiss if I didn’t include it here. The entire length of The Shawshank Redemption was spent with Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) in a living hell, being sentenced to death for a crime he did not commit. Yet, he finds refuge in fellow inmate Ellis Redding (Morgan Freeman), until eventually letting him know of his dream to end up on a Hawaiian beach, free from it all.
With dank smelling and stone solid walls, along with some real asshole prison guards, the possibility of this happening looks bleak for Dufresne. But thanks to the Rita Hayworth poster in his cell, he is able to concoct a plan that gets him out, and the shot of him looking into the rain and spellings of freedom upon him could have passed for an ending which was indeed satisfying. But that wasn’t all Darabont had up his sleeve. As Dufresne sets up shop on his little island, Darabont swings his camera around to a barefoot Redding, who himself has also finally tasted the sweet taste of freedom. The film may be wrapped a little too tight for its own good. But after being in such a dark and dirty place for so long, I think everyone -from the two characters all the way to their audience- deserved this moment.
4) Jaws (1975)
Speaking of well deserved moments. But this was one that almost wasn’t. Readers of Jaws the book know the ending from the page consisted of the shark getting rammed, thereby sinking to its death. But a 27 year old, ambitious in his on the fly decision-making director named Steven Spielberg would have none of it. After Spielberg concocting the film’s literally explosive climax, author Peter Benchley vehemently opposed, saying there was no way the audience would believe such a ridiculous ending. ‘Peter,’ Spielberg said, ‘if I have them this long, then the unbelievability factor won’t be a problem.’ Benchley still furiously fought for it to be omitted, objecting so much that Spielberg eventually had enough and threw him off the set.
When watching the film now, there is absolutely no doubt about the fact that Spielberg’s inclinations were indeed correct. Jaws had moved at a sort of horror film pace for its first two acts, and after turning on the adrenaline for its final one, a simple ramming of the shark (think Jaws The Revenge‘s ending. Then again, don’t) would simply not do for an audience’s pay off. By having Brody shoot the oxygen tank in the shark’s mouth, Spielberg accomplished two things. One, a final thrill for an audience which was already on the edge of their seats. Two, a sort of arc for Brody in that he has one less reason to be afraid of the water. Whether Benchley liked it or not, Spielberg did in fact have the audience in the palm of his hand. And that audience has rarely left it since.
3) Zero Dark Thirty (2012)
Kathryn Bigelow’s follow-up to her Oscar winning war film The Hurt Locker is, in my mind, the far superior of the two. The film focuses on the true life set of circumstances which led black ops to the location of Osama bin Laden. All of this is built on the intelligence gathering of mostly fictional intelligence officer Maya (Jessica Chastain) as after many false pretenses, she finally nails the location down pat. I say Maya is ‘mostly fictional’ because screenwriter Mark Boal has said while she is indeed based on a real person, she is actually the algorithm of ‘many other hard working women.’
Indeed, the film is an at times frustrating watch, as two hours goes by with nary a hint of success on her part. However, it is Zero Dark Thirty‘s final half hour, complete with a brilliantly mapped out onscreen raid -told mostly from their POV- that keeps you white knuckled. And while the ending is obvious from the start, it is still a terrifically gratifying moment seeing that -after so much doubt being brought upon Maya from both outside and inside sources for almost the entire film- she can finally crack a smile in the film’s final moments.
2) Aliens (1986)
Speaking of strong, hard working women (okay, I’ll stop with this column’s natural/unnatural transitions), James Cameron has been known to write a few of his own. Take the two pictured here. In Aliens, Sigourney Weaver’s Ellen Ripley goes through hell to protect herself and the little girl we know only as Newt (after saying she didn’t like her name, which was Rebecca). Now in the director’s cut, Ripley is given an even bigger incentive, as she learns her daughter had died from the time she floated off into space until she was discovered by a random space sweep. Supposedly, this plot point was the only reason (well, along with 13 million other ones) why Weaver decided to come back in the first place, and she was none too happy when she discovered the scene of her finding out about her daughter’s fate was cut from the final theatrical cut.
To me, the scene’s exclusion doesn’t take away from the film’s final shot, shown above. After again narrowly defeating and escaping the Queen xenomorph’s clutches, Ripley has a few moments of zen. Curled up with her inherited daughter in front, and wounded but safe father Hicks in back, Ripley is finally free again. Until that damn nihilist David Fincher came along. But that’s another story for another day.
1) Rocky (1976)
Anyone who heard me dissect this puppy with Binge’s very own Luke Norris on our previous series of Aftertaste podcasts knows the exact reason why the ending of Rocky sits comfortably at the top of this list. Nevermind the fact that up until this point, Rocky was already a perfect movie. That a series of moments in the film’s final frames all but sealed itself up as the quintessential Hollywood ending only makes itself that much more powerful. Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa spent almost the entire film self doubting himself in this moment of a lifetime, while also courting what he sees as the woman of his dreams. After proving his worth to the world, and most importantly himself, going the entire 15 rounds while still standing, Rocky had other things on his mind other than the final decision. He wanted what he fought for. Not the belt. But the heart of the woman he loves.
It is a scene that I still get chills typing about to this day. Rocky‘s final moments dictated that the 70s weren’t all about falling for the wrong crowd’s bad intentions. What makes it even more powerful is the film contains an ending that could be looked at as unsatisfying if it had revolved around the fight itself. Yet, the film’s climax manages to propagate that more than anything, winning the heart of your true love is worth much more than winning a fight. Wait, wasn’t this a boxing movie?
So where does The Witch‘s ending fall? It is far too early to tell. But I do have an in depth column of what it could all mean coming up, which I will release as soon as other people have a chance to see it for themselves. Until then, let us marvel at ten times Hollywood actually got their endings RIGHT. Or, did they?
***This is a repost of our commentary of Independence Day from 2013 in lieu of a new BingeCast. Enjoy and try not to suck any dicks on the way to whoop E.T’s ass.
“ERMAHGERD” – Some dumb, asshole alien
The biggest thing people forget about Independence Day is that the whole alien invasion could’ve been thwarted had President Whitmore, aka Bill Pullman, aka Eric Walkuski, sucked his own dick.
I know! We missed that the first couple of times we checked it out too, but there it is, plain and simple. He endangers the lives of his daughter, his wife, and the millions of people that voted for him to represent the American public, and goes so far as to pilot a fucking jet….when all he had to do to defeat the aliens was man up, and suck his own dick.
Not a cocksucker.
We cover it all in this phenomenally informative commentary of the 90s “classic” Independence Day. But seriously, this movie is so fucking bad, we ponder why the hell people feel so nostalgic towards it.
We have very little recollection of finishing this commentary, other than we were thankful it was over.
Cleverly titled to give you the impression of an 80’s action movie clusterfuck that might actually be entertaining, Predator vs. Judge Dredd vs. Aliens is the ultimate give-us-your-money book. Fortunately for me, I work in a library so it’s not so much a probably with wasting my money so much as it was an enormous waste of time. First of all, the book is actually two books, that are actually older books, despite the sleek new cover. Sure, you research when you buy and probably check it out, but anyone picking this up at the Noble book store is going to be hating themselves. The first book is Predator vs. Judge Dredd and it’s the perfect example of why crossover movies should never be done, unless it’s horror (because I still wish more would have followed Freddy vs. Jason). Judge Dredd does absolutely nothing different than anyone else ever has against the Predator and it’s just entirely pointless and without purpose. Also, all of the Judges in the book look exactly the same and there’s hardly any way of telling who is who. It’s kind of silly, but seeing as the book came out around 20 years ago it doesn’t really surprise me. Then you have Judge Dredd vs. Aliens, because obviously Judge Dredd is the character you were wishing had the most to do with the story. Which is pretty much the same as the book before, except that you replace Predator, with some Aliens, and you’re good. An epic waste of time, with no good cohesive or quality story to back up pretty dated artwork. Overall, don’t waste your money or brain space, to satisfy any curiosity you should just hold on to for the rest of your life.
I’ve been wanting to go back and find some old horror comic series recently, since I know there are several out there. I’ve been in several comic shops and I’ve always seen like slasher comics about Leatherface or Michael Myers and I’ve always wanted to read them. Since I was unable to get my hands on those, I found some that were 28 Days Later. Apparently they were supposed to be pretty good, but I wasn’t that impressed. The stories centered around Selena from the first film of the same title. There were six volumes in total with 4 issues a piece, so it was a pretty quick read in all. I enjoyed it mostly for the extra story given to Selena since she was such a great character in the movie, but it was pretty well pointless as well. The last two volumes were a little better because they were summarizing all that was started in the first four, but other than that it was a pretty average series. I saw it on sale for $2 a pop on each volume awhile ago and almost splurged, but I didn’t and I think for good reason. They’re good reads if you’re a die hard fan of the film franchise, but other than that there are many other books you could read instead. The art was pretty good for the most part, there just didn’t seem to be much to draw most of the time. There is an awful lot of people drama, and really the shining moments are Selena kicking ass in a gas mask looking disguise. The covers for all of the books are definitely really cool, and draw most of the interest for the title. However, you should search for zombie comics elsewhere in The Walking Dead or other titles.
It’s been a long time since I walked around Cedar Point. I used to go every year, me and my buddies from high-school, just catching rides, trolling the arcade for chicks, renting jet-skis, and being your regular every day douche. It was a little different this time around, towing three kids every where I went with my wife and my mom. We fit in a few adult rides here and there but it was mostly about the little monsters. They rocked Camp Snoopy, kicked some ass at Planet Snoopy, rattled my brain on the bumper cars, and asked me to win them a prize every six feet. Daddy didn’t disappoint, and it only cost me approximately $60 for a basketball, a mini-basketball, a squid hat, a stuffed TMNT Donatello, a Lalaloopsy doll, and some ridiculous stuffed monkey.
The highlight for me was watching some of the shit we didn’t have time to wait in line for. The Slingshot sounded crazy, and after watching first hand, this thing is beyond anything I ever expect to do in my life. Not to mention it costs an extra $25, per person, to get strapped in and shot in the air 350 feet. Before we left I was all about it. “Let’s do it!” I said. Then I watched this video of dude after dude passing out on the ride.
I’m out.
It’s impossible to walk by the Top Thrill Dragster without stopping to watch in awe. This thing shoots out of the gate like a bullet and goes straight up in the air, twists a couple times, and dives straight back down. All in about 20 seconds. All we could do was watch as the line was hours long and our kids hated us enough already. There’s an option to get a Fast Pass Plus and ride this bitch as often as you can but it costs an extra $80. I spent that on 4 Icees. They were awful.
Our down time, when we weren’t walking around spending money, was spent in the arcade….. spending money. My boys and I quickly got obsessed with Aiens Armageddon, this giant shooter game that ended up being better than the last 4 ALIEN movies put together. My oldest and I were screaming at each other to reload while my youngest son was literally running around the machine yelling nonsense at the screen. Every bar in the world should have this game. And my house.
All-in-all, Cedar Point is the greatest. I can’t recommend it enough to anybody that hasn’t been there. We killed the park, owned Soak City, walked on the beach, soaked in the hot-tub, ate crap, and I even had time for a couple beers. What more can I ask for?
Since I’ve been home I’ve watched this video 40 times and can’t stop giggling.
The biggest thing people forget about Independence Day is that the whole alien invasion could’ve been thwarted had President Whitmore, aka Bill Pullman, aka Eric Walkuski, sucked his own dick.
I know! We missed that the first couple of times we checked it out too, but there it is, plain and simple. He endangers the lives of his daughter, his wife, and the millions of people that voted for him to represent the American public, and goes so far as to pilot a fucking jet….when all he had to do to defeat the aliens was man up, and suck his own dick.
Not a cocksucker.
We cover it all in this phenomenally informative commentary of the 90s “classic” Independence Day. But seriously, this movie is so fucking bad, we ponder why the hell people feel so nostalgic towards it.
We have very little recollection of finishing this commentary, other than we were thankful it was over.