It’s all over, people. The last 7 seasons have been filled with ups and downs, but through it all, we found ourselves entertained and at times, forgiving for the show’s faults. It’s safe to say that while we didn’t completely love how the show ended, we are satisfied with it. In this episode we talk about fucking ghosts, Vic Mackie, and laughing at Connor the Irishman in his last attempt to upturn his shitty Irish luck.
Mucho thanks to everyone who has listened to these commentaries over the last couple years and enjoyed our shit talking over this show. Law and I are forever thankful for that shit.
It’s weird to think that we now live in a world where there will be no more new episodes of SONS OF ANARCHY. After seven seasons, the motorcycle drama that made Soap Operas for Men cool again is over, and holy shit what a series finale it had! I was deeply satisfied with the ending of this show, and giving credit where it’s due, mad props to Kurt Sutter for writing/directing the final episode as he was able to tie in the entire series in this one episode. From the notebooks by JT to visiting the graves of Opie and Tara, Cch Pounder just inches away from going hood again, Walton Goggins and his giant tranny boobies, a photo of Bobby, a few music montages and a hard rock motorcycle chase / action sequence, the Irish, and the carcasses of Gemma and Uncer (though leaving out any and all references of Clay was kind of jacked). Plus, what better way to tie up loose ends than to have Jax go on a one-man rampage? It was all kind of brilliant.
Praise aside, however, I did have a few issues, though in the scheme of things, they’re all pretty minor and didn’t impede on my enjoyment of the final episode of the series. They brought in the homeless chick, and Jax (like many of us at the moment) asks the question “who are you?”, giving Sutter the perfect chance to explain this presence, who has been in random episodes for the last few seasons. And right when we’re about to get the answer, she walks away smirking. No answer. Only nasty bread, that later shows up on the side of the road after Jax kills himself (SPOILTER ALERT). So… who the hell was this chick, what’s up with the bread, and what does it all mean??? I still have no clue.
I also thought that having the Michael Chiklis show up AGAIN as the semi-truck drive at the right time for Jax to ride freestyle was a bit much. Really? Was that why he was introduced, so he can come back later and kill Jax Teller? Stupid. The other thing that drove me crazy was Jax’s final Master Plan. The guy is a fuckin’ Master Plan genius, carrying off some of the most intrique Master Plans in television history. With all sorts of talky-talky off-screen and build-up, I was assuming a final Master Plan was at work, getting Jax out of the Mayhem vote. But when it’s revelaed, it’s just… we’ll shoot Happy in the arm and claim that he escaped? THAT’S THE MASTER PLAN??? Fuckin’ Abel’s plan to get Gemma arrested was a better plan than that.
But besides all that, it was a great end to a (more or less) great show that I will truly miss. Hell, they even worked in a final ‘for the club’, which made me all kinds of happy, not to mention throwing those white kicks in the trash for more appropriate leather boots. I liked how the Sons were left (though who else would Chibbs make VP than Tigg? Happy? Ratface? Those two other dudes who never say anything? Not a surprise, but still awesome.), and at the end… I think I was even able to follow along with all the ins and outs of Club business.
Did any of the main characters get the shaft, besides the ones who died over the last season (Jaxidental deaths not included)? Just one: Chucky (with the fingers)… he loved Gemma, he loved the Club, he loved working at TM and Scoops, and yet when it came time for Jax to decide who to give those businesses to, he gives them to…. Wendy the Whore? Really? They should have went to Chucky. And then they randomly patch in T.O. (who I could have sworn was part of another MC earlier in the season) and they don’t patch in Chucky? Dude seriously got the shaft. Hopefully Chibbs and the boys will let him keep his job at Scoops because now the dude how nothing to live for.
SONS OF ANARCHY gave me a lot of joy and endless entertainment over the years, and even though Season 6 left a nasty aftertaste in my mouth that I still can’t shake (or forgive), the Final Season was superb in every ridiculously entertaining way and for a TV show about motorcycle gangs, that’s all I could really ask for.
Another basic week with simple box office points doing all the scoring. Award season is creeping in though, so things should perk up soon. Intern extraordinaire, PJ, has updated the sheet after noticing some mistakes and updated future release dates. Chad C. should be thanking him as he just gained 4 weeks of BIRDMAN points. Click the link below for the full spreadsheet or take a look at our new and improved screencap, now with the top scoring films of the year. Click to enlarge. Fancy.
If you’ve ever wanted to hear six Binge Media employees get together and be drunk as drunk can be make sure you stay tuned for the end of this show when Moreno, Kupka, and Luke call in to talk with Law, Ammon, and Jack about things that are stupid.
Before that though, your regularly scheduled hosts have tons to talk about. We discuss, in no particular order, Christopher Nolan possibly directing READY PLAYER ONE, high Santa Claus pissing in a garbage pail, Serial, our best/worst spoiler experiences, Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, and play an exciting game of Stupid Comments.
Even then, after that barrage of awesome, we head into What Did You Watch with reviews of TUSK, THE GUEST, INTERSTELLAR, CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER, SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, AND UNCUT, KILL BILL: VOL II, BANKSY DOES NEW YORK, and NIGHTCRAWLER.
It’s as epic as they get, people. Don’t forget about the last Sons of Anarchy commentary ever this week. Out.
Try to move past the mind boggling annoyance of that title and let’s watch this together and then we’ll regroup afterward and discuss why I hate it.
The similarities between the STAR WARS franchise and the TERMINATOR franchise are pretty interesting right now. Both are gearing up for a reboot by getting old, classic characters to come in and save the day. This is because, after mind-boggling success at the beginning of their respective stories, both franchises significantly dropped the ball at one point or another while trying to keep the magic alive. Still, there is an argument to be made that these are the two greatest pieces of cinematic science fiction to ever grace the screen, both being highlighted by unforgettable sequels (T2 & Empire), iconic moments, and an unrelenting appeal to multiple generations of fans.
So STAR WARS comes out with their trailer last week and we get some familiar imagery (stormtroopers, lightsaber, x-wings) and one huge moment that gave everybody goosebumps (the Millennium Falcon). It was handled pretty solidly in my opinion. TERMINATOR GENISYS drops that thing above on us yesterday and I feel like they haven’t learned a thing from the last two films. I made a pretty clear decision before watching the clip – if anybody says “I’ll be back.” in this trailer I will have no choice but to move it to the “Fuck Off” bin. This is an actual bin I keep in my garage where I store strangers who knock on my door, dogs that shit on my lawn, and onions. So, not only do we get “I’ll be back.”, we also get the same old characters, including new/old Arnie fighting old/new Arnie (that totally makes sense, read it again), a rehash of the T-1000 doing the exact same shit as the OG, the cheesy “Come with me if you want to live!” bullshit, and a flipping school bus. On a bridge.
I get it, everything I ever loved about the TERMINATOR movies is in there. Had they included a scene where Arnie reloads a shotgun with one hand while giving a thumbs up with the other we might be able to consider this two-and-a-half minute clip a legitimate remake of all four films. I didn’t need or want to see any of this shit. Tell Khaleesi to relax and try showing less naked dudes. At this point I need one of those books “TERMINATOR Movies For Dummies” to get my head straight with this ridiculous timeline. John Conner has literally been played by five different actors after this (including the TV show) and we still have to see Arnold every five fucking minutes? Move on.
TOY STORY THAT TIME FORGOT
This isn’t a review or one of those “Pixar rules the universe” articles I’ve been known for over the years. I have a legit question – Why does Bonnie hate Hamm and Slinky Dog? This was my thought process as I started watching the latest offering on ABC this past Tuesday. Then I started to hate Bonnie. This little bitch shelved, or threw out, or melted in a late night ritual under the cover of her shitty pillow fort, Hamm and Slink. What the fuck? Then I got deeper and more realistic. Who the hell plays with a piggy bank? Do you realize how un-fun that is? And how has Slinky Dog lasted this long without getting mangled? I’ve had a dozen or so Slinkys in my day (yes, I’m old as shit) and none of them lasted longer than a week. One trip down the stairs and then all hell breaks loose. The coils are are stretched and bent out of place. They get tangled and form some sort of unbreakable razor-wire knot and you end up throwing it away because you don’t care. Is this Slinky’s fate? Bonnie is not Andy, and she apparently doesn’t give a fuck. You’re not pulling your weight around the playroom you just might get dismissed. Watch yo’ ass Potato Head.
It is bittersweet to know that we only have one episode left in SOA and by extension, one more commentary. Law and I cheer ourselves up by wondering why they cast an old English lady as Gemma’s dad, why Unser’s nipples are so hard, and how hot Wendy looks in Mom jeans. No, we don’t have mother issues. With only one episode left and a lot of possibilities on the table, how will it all end?
SPOILER ALERT: I will be spoiling the shit out of things, so unless you’re all caught up with The Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy, or Game of Thrones, you should probably stop now. You have been warned.
I feel like a broken record when it comes to the “rules” of spoiling TV shows (and movies, to an extent), but really what I’m talking about is common courtesy. Facebook and Twitter and other places on the internets have made a great place to chat, discuss, theorize, and converse about movies and TV shows and that is pretty flippin’ awesome, especially if you don’t have anyone in your day-to-day life to talk about such things. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK to spoil shit for the rest of us–especially the night something airs or even the morning after? Just like we live in the age of the internet, we also live in the age of DVRs and other online outlets that allow us to watch our running shows anytime we want… starting with the next day they air (I’m talkin’ Xbox Video, iTunes, Amazon Instant Video, etc…). So blabbin’ about spoilery shit on Facebook the night of is a super dick move.
By spoiling it on Facebook, I mean a status update like this on Sunday night: I can’t believe Beth just died on The Walking Dead. You write something like that, you’re not only a fuckin’ asshole, but you’re a piece of shit scumbag. This week was a super weird week for shit like this because The Walking Dead’s official Facebook page accidently spoiled the shit out of the mid-season finale for all its fans to see. Yes, that sucks. Yes, someone probably lost their job over that. But Jesus Christ people, just because they spoiled it doesn’t give you the OK to spoil it for those of us who aren’t fans of The Walking Dead Facebook page!
Case in point, some assclown I went to High School with, a dude who was an asshole then and is an asshole now, a dude I would call a casual acquaintance over a “friend”, had this as his Facebook status update on Sunday night: “I’m glad I already know that Beth dies tonight on The Walking Dead” followed by a bunch of comments like “why would you say that” and “thanks for ruining it for the rest of us”. Instead of deleting his update after realizing he opened his big fat fucking mouth, he just left it… for comedic effect? I don’t know. Fuck that guy. Unfriending has never felt so good.
I did the same thing to some other assfuck from High School who spoiled the death of Joffrey on Game of Thrones earlier this year. He didn’t spoil it for me, but he spoiled it for everyone who watches the show and who hadn’t read the books. Fuck that shit. I immediately Unfriended that motherfucker too (I also spoiled the fuck out of the rest of the season before doing so). I know it sounds petty and juvenile and who really gives a fuck about anyone Unfriending you on Facebook, right? But shit man, it’s all I can do. I’m a 12 hour drive away from these shitheads, so it’s not like I can take a dump in a bag, light it on fire, put it on their porch, and ring the doorbell. But I can Unfriend them. I have no need for people who don’t respect others in my life, on the internet or otherwise.
Because that’s what it all comes down to, right? Respect. People who blab about big moments on TV don’t respect others who haven’t seen that episode yet. Sure, there is a respectable timeline when it’s OK to spoil shit, but the night of or the day after is way inside the “don’t be a fucking asshole” window. Shit, I know people who are just watching SOA for the first time right now, on Season 1, and while I want to talk about the deaths of Opie, Tara, Clay, Bobby, Juice, Unser, and Gemma… I hold back… because who does that benefit? Me? No, just emphasizes what a shitbrick I am. And it sure doesn’t benefit them. So I sit quiet and am secretly giddy about the awesomeness that’s to come and the shocking experience they’re about to go through, which is way better than telling them what’s going to happen.
Moral of the story here. Don’t be a dick. Keep your spoilery-updates in check. And if you spoil anything, whether I’m watching it or not, and we’re friends on Facebook, I will immediate Unfriend your ass.
Ammon and Law are back with another look into what it takes to raise their children properly in today’s pop culture landscape. Moreno is back too and has another riculous introduction story that will get you in the festive mood before we all get drunk and yell at shit.
On the show you’ll hear the boys exchange movie homework presents, discuss the effect the STAR WARS and JURASSIC WORLD trailers had on their kids, and pick what else is on the schedule for the end of the year. Ammon also has a great story about his son actually falling out of his chair he was laughing so hard at DUMB AND DUMBER, last month’s movie homework.
There’s all this and tons more frustrated fatherhood fun inside so just press play and stop reading about it already.
I was overcome with meme opportunities while watching the latest offering from The Walking Dead so I thought I’d try something new. Let me know if you want more.