Starring: George Clooney, Scarlett Johannson, Channing Tatum, Josh Brolin, Tilda Swinton, Ralph Fiennes, Jonah Hill, Frances McDormand, and Alden Ehrenreich
The Coen Brothers are that rare breed of filmmakers who have put together quite a hefty body of work, yet are synonymous with absolutely nothing. This last year or so saw them working on their script writing tools more than anything, as they pumped out scripts for both Angelina Jolie and Steven Spielberg. The results, Unbroken and Bridge of Spies respectfully, did not exactly set the world afire (though the Coens were nominated for both scripts). What I -and a whole lot of people- seem to really respect about the Coens is that as soon as it seems they are getting a little too serious for their britches, they put out a film like Hail, Caesar. After all, these are the same two guys who followed up their Oscar winning film Fargo with The Big Lebowski. Like Lebowski, I do not feel Caesar is going to find much ground to stand on upon its release. Full of the same type of random gags and ongoing jokes through its smooth 106 minute run time, the film falls off the rails around the 3/4 mark, and by the time it was over, Hail, Caesar! failed to make much of an impact on me.
One thing I want to point out is that as much as Hail, Caesar‘s marketing campaign has led you down the road of this being wall to wall offbeat Coens, the film’s framework is a tad more structured than that, leaning a little more toward their serious work. It reads as an almost theological satire on the politics behind show business, and its on the surface non structured/structured plot is where the film thrives. It would almost play as the perfect back to back double header with the Coens’ first attempt at this type of storytelling, 1991’s Barton Fink. That is not necessarily a complaint.
Hail, Caesar! is about Eddie Mannix (Brolin), who is ‘Head of Physical Production’ at fictional Capitol Pictures. His daily routine plays as one of the movie’s most successful running gags, as he stops at church to cleanse his sins from his soul before going into his soul sucking job at the studio. He’s watching dailies of his new production Hail Caesar! A Tale of the Christ, when his star, over the hill Baird Whitlock (Clooney) is suddenly held for ransom and his captors put up a $100,000 bounty for his release. This is when the film’s multiple angles kind of fall out of line, as Mannix is constantly distracted by things like musical starlet DeeAnna Moran (Johannson) and her failed efforts to get into a mermaid costume. The scenes are sold by Johannson’s sharper than a knife delivery of Coen dialogue, and her New York accent brought back memories of her role in 2013’s Don Jon.
Hail Caesar! works when it theorizes how a production like this would go. Of course the main actor would be the hold-out. Of course an on his high horse actor like Hobie Doyle (Ehrenreich) would completely and consistently annihilate his lines for a comedy of all things. Called Merrily We Dance, the movie within a movie is an obvious conglomerate homage to the films which were so popular in the 30s-50s (Hail, Caesar! does take place in 1951, after all).
Where the movie doesn’t work is when its infrastructure starts falling apart at the seams. Going through their lighter fare of the past, there was always something of an end game to the Coens’ narratives. Even with the even more off the rails Lebowski, its dream sequences were when I fully expected it to fall short, yet the Coens moved the plot along with fears and tallies of what the title character was feeling at that particular time. Either that, or they wanted to illustrate just how high he was. In Caesar, there is an admittedly glorious dance number headed by none other than Magic Mike‘s very own Tatum which will more than likely be the talk of the film. Yet, there was no real point to it other than for the Coens to flap their wings at an era they are obviously infatuated with.
Still, Hail, Caesar‘s seemingly non-commitment plotting style is probably part of its beauty and I am just oblivious to it. I watched the movie and had trouble finding its end point. But it seems that’s what the Coens want us to think. They want us to see that Hollywood is just as wacky now as it was then, with no end in sight. But truth be told, while there were moments of chuckles during Caesar‘s ever drifting gags, I was neither overly engaged or exceedingly entertained. The flatness of the movie’s final third damns it, and I couldn’t help but find myself wondering where it went wrong.
0:01:50-Moreno.Valley. Collins. Ammon show this is not, motherfucker. Of course there is Patriots talk to get under Jackie boy’s skin. Of course.
0:09:00-GOOGLE VOICE. Wait on bated breath to see if Nate P. calls
0:30:33-Moreno lets Garrett talk about the Binge Aftertaste. Then everybody talks about the Super Bowl and the Oscars. This helps to make the show nearly four hours, kids.
0:47:52-TV ROUND UP. Episode IV starts off with 30 for 30. Garrett puts in his one contribution with the X-Files. Moreno chimes in to talk ’bout Hunted and Man in the High Castle (not a show about Ammon or Kupka, surprisingly).
1:30:30-MOVIE HOMEWORK: The Insider. No, it is not a porno. Fucking pervert.
2:24:18-WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Man on man fucking begins with The Big Short. Then he rapid fires through The War Room, The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia, The Seven Five, and Prophet’s Prey. Moreno takes his turn with American Ultra and Cartel Land. Collins follows with Raging Bull, Chinatown, The Conversation, Flight of the Navigator, Soaked in Bleach, and The Final Girls. Lot of random bullshit talk as the show concludes. That’s it, you cocksucker.
2015 was a pretty exciting year for pretty much everything. A lot happened personally, professionally and psychically, as I am now a certified medium and gypsy palm reader. A married, medium, gypsy palm reader. Though 2016 has started off with Oscar boycotts, Snowmaggedon, and the deaths of David Bowie, Lemmy, Glenn Frye and my uncle (all formidable rock stars in their own right), here’s to the year tapering off the negative for a positive upswing. In order for me to close the book on 2015, here’s a quick list of some of my favorite things of last year in film, TV, personal moments, music and other shit. There’s plenty that I’m sure I’m missing, but like the great Lipps Inc said, “gotta move on.” Yes, that’s a Funky Town reference, which is my own personal philosophy.
Ben Mendelsohn
Netflix’s original show “Bloodline” had great writing, a visually hypnotic look and talented cast. However, you’d be hard pressed to find a more antagonistic, menacing yet charming character than Danny Rayburn, played by the amazing Ben Mendelsohn. While the show, at times, lost me, I chalk that up to: 1) binge watching the entire season in a few days and 2) my interest waning when Mendelsohn was not on screen.
Check out:Animal Kingdom, Mississippi Grind
My Top Films of the Year
Check out:The BingeCastwhere Law, Ammon and myself give our favorites of the year as well as the worst movies of the year.
Jerseypalooza
For the second time in a year, I visited the tri-state area with my chick to drink like an asshole and get ink by PeteMC’s now wife, MC. We stayed for about four days and the trip provided a brief respite from planning a whole fucking wedding ourselves, as we were a month out from the big day. We met up with TM and KariTM and finally got to meet longtime friend Logan, who now does the timestamp for the BingeCast like a cocksucker. It can’t be repeated enough that the internet is an amazing way to connect with like-minded people who eventually become the closest people in your life. That, and of course, stealing movies and music and porn illegally.
Earlier in 2015, I was up in New York’s guts for the first time ever. It was February, it was snowing, probably the worst time of the year to visit New York. But being a lifelong Chicagoan, the snow didn’t bother me and we braved some pretty gross weather to hit up our new favorite Midtown bar Rudy’s, MOMA (where I weeped in front of “The Starry Night”….I was hungover), and a NY slice of pizza and pretzel. As a music first fan, the topper of the trip was being brought up on stage to sing a few songs with TM and PeteMC’s band, Daddy NoBux. I cannot thank those assholes enough and I tried to not to take advantage of their generosity by demanding they play every sounder we’ve recorded.
Sometimes life dictates that you need a kick in the ass. I wasn’t particularly looking for a life change in 2015 (with a wedding and some other familial issues transpiring during the year) but the roots of it were buried within and pulled out from a good friend of mine. I met up with her in New York after not seeing her for a couple of years and we immediately picked up where we left off. When she asked what I’ve been doing for work, she was appalled that I wasn’t doing anything creative. The next hour, over brunch in the Jane Hotel, she proceeded to hand me my ass, not accepting any excuses and giving me the kick in the ass that I needed. It still took another 10 months to get my ass in gear, but I’m now on my way back into freelancing, and I couldn’t be happier.
Check out:The Tim Ferriss Podcast. Ferriss talks to top performers in various industries in order to deconstuct their methods of success. His book The Four Hour Work Week was/is a huge inspiration in transitioning from a soul sucking job into doing something more worthwhile.
TV
TV in 2015 had its fair share of highlights but what made it great was the diversity of shows. Fargo returned with a wider scope and fantastic co-leads in Patrick Wilson and Kirsten Dunst, and while the show maintained its quality successfully, it fell just short of the brilliance of its first season. HBO’s miniseries The Jinx and Show Me A Hero were stellar and have now become required viewing when suggesting shows, and their original programming remained solid with Game of Thrones, Veep and The Leftovers (still need to catch up on S2). Netflix continued to impress me with their run of original series like the smartly written and funny Master of None, Narcos, Daredevil, Jessica Jones (both Marvel series were pleasant surprises), Bloodline and UnbreakableKimmy Schmidt, while the third season of Orange is the New Black felt flat, repetitive and underwhelming. Amazon released the light comedy, Mozart in the Jungle, which was enjoyable. Shows we said goodbye to were F/X’s Justified, a series that had its ups and downs but ended nicely, and network TV’s most consistently funny sitcom perhaps ever, Parks and Recreation, kept true to its roots and gave the fans the ending they deserved. USA came to the table with Mr. Robot which wore its influences on its sleeve to the degree that by the end, it turned me off, and Better Call Saul premiered with a hint of Breaking Bad nostalgia yet original enough to not feel rehashed. Kurt Sutter whined, took his ball (The Bastard Executioner) and went home after nobody watched it.
Some of the shows I did not see, so don’t bitch at me: Mad Men, The Affair, The Walking Dead, Fear of the Walking Dead, You’re the Worst.
Check out:Mad Men, The Affair, The Walking Dead, Fear of the Walking Dead, You’re the Worst.
Randomly meeting Jeff Tweedy
Jeff Tweedy is kind of a big deal, to not only me but to music and Chicagoans in general. While not a native Chicagoan, we do consider him Chicago’s son. After buying this hat (which I drunkenly lost in Mexico), my chick, her parents and my kid ended up at a burger joint on the northside of Chicago. A guy walked in to pick up an order and I couldn’t help but notice a striking resemblance to the Wilco frontman. He sat down at the table next to us and I couldn’t help but creepily stare at the menu while side eyeing like said creep. After a few minutes, my inner nagging got to be too much and I asked him if he was indeed Jeffy Tweedy from Wilco, to which he replied in the affirmative. We small talked about the local station WXRT, where he’s done plenty of local stuff with and where I used to work, all while completely ignoring my family. Which is just fine with me. He was nice enough to take a pic, which he really didn’t want to, and I immediately threw on Sky Blue Sky when we eventually got in the car. It’s my favorite Wilco album, shut up.
Check out: Jeff Tweedy at the Unity Concert in Parks and Rec.
Father John Misty
I don’t know how or where I first heard of Father John Misty, but I was immediately hooked. His lyrics filled with sarcasm, humor, and contempt pulled me in, held me tight, and then kicked me to the curb. But I was back for more. J. Tillman mixes his sound with folk, gospel, 80s The Cure and even a bit of post 00s melodies and production. It’s an album that I listen to constantly due to its nuanced and ethereal sound. What am I saying? It’s fucking good, shut up.
Check out:The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apartment – The lyrics are as bitingly angry and sarcastic as the song is sweet.
Stand Up Specials
To be fair, I didn’t watch many stand up specials this year, maybe a handful or so, but the two that really stick out in my mind is Anthony Jeselnik’s Thoughts and Prayers and Chelsea Peretti’s One of the Greats. Both specials did something different in terms of stand up presentation that matched their comedy perfectly. For the “offensive” and “line crossing” Jeselnik, the backdrop is textured with a hue of blue, giving an ice cold, villain-esque presence to Jeselnik, and the audience lit in a deep red giving the illusion that those laughing will be doing so in hell. Peretti on the other hand plays with stand up convention by fucking with audiences expectations of reaction shots by editing in dogs and sleeping audience members into these shots, adding to the already silly, tongue in cheek idea that she is, in fact, one of the greats.
Check out:
Weddingpalooza
Ah, what would a year be without a Bingeapalooza. It’s that special time of year where the Chicago boys are met with Law (sometimes others) and we slap each other in the face with our penises and show our livers who’s boss. This year, as you know, was much different being that my wedding was the center event and not Jim Law, despite his demands to officiate the wedding. Because what we need is a big dumb Canadian saying, “You guys like each other, eh? You’re married, brah.” Good one. Law, Supka, Luke, and Ammon all convened, took mushrooms, drank a lot of beer, and did irreparable damage to their bodies and souls while I drank a lot and danced a lot with my lovely bride. It was literally one of the best days of my life and I can’t thank my chick enough, as well as the boys right here. Also, my favorite part of the wedding was Law eating a tamale with the corn husk on and then yelling that there weren’t “eating tamale instructions.” What an asshole.
0:00:00- Not using a sounder to open the show. Instead, let’s talk about Supka. It’s more important.
0:03:41- Intro, yo.
0:05:07-Ammon is sort of on time. He hands in his man card cause he watches The Bachelor. Moreno and Law reminisce about Duncan Jones. Movie homework gets highlighted a lil’ bit.
0:16:55-TV ROUND UP. The first chunk of this segment is devoted to Sounder Wars because the boys don’t know how to stay on topic, goddamnit. Anyway, Moreno puts things back on track with The Jinx. The Leftover Buddes recap the first season and give their thoughts…on The Leftovers. Law bitches about Luther because the new season is short as hell. Ammon wonders if the comeback of the X-Files will have any traction with his co-hosts. The dildo factory worker, the Bigfoot hunter, and the taco lover all talk about shows they’d love to see come back just like X-Files is doing. Law takes a fucking piss while Ammon and Moreno talk Serial. And then everybody discusses cereal. Jesus Christ.
1:04:12-GOGGLE VOICE. Lot of shit to sort through here.
1:54:03-Old shit sounder wars. Kick back and sip the nostalgia. Drink it up. All of it. I’m gonna be up all night.
2:01:26-MOVIE HOMEWORK: Dances with Wolves. Dance if you want to. Leave your goddamn friends behind.
2:25:16-Nostalgic corner yet again.
2:36:00-WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Moreno briefly mentions a doc about The Band’s Levon Helm, titled Ain’t In It For My Health. Law has only got one review (The Veil) and it’s not good. Cycle back to Moreno, who praises Muscle Shoals. He moves onto Mission: Impossible-Rogue Nation. Ammon clocks in with Ant-Man, Dope, and The Gift. After that it’s all random bullshit until…
3:06:16-Even more nostalgic bits to send you on your way. Peace the fuck out.
Here we are again. If you missed the first part of this list, thereby missing the entire reason why I am doing this list to begin with, then clickhere and read it. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Now that we are all caught up, it’s time for the conclusion of my list of ten best Stephen King adaptations. Without further ado, Constant Reader, let me lead you into the unknown. Or as I like to call it, sobriety.
5) The Dead Zone (1983)
Before I talk about the film, I just want to put this out there. I keep hearing the TV show adaptation of the same name starring Anthony Michael Hall, is just as good, if not better than this David Cronenberg take of King’s story about a man who goes into a coma and wakes up five years later with supernatural powers of intuition. But I hesitate to watch it just because it was cancelled short of finishing its main story thread. Let me know if it is worth delving into if you can.
Anyway, 1983’s version, the film in question here, has leisurely pacing that moves almost like a movie of the week, and Martin Sheen’s borderline cartoonish portrayal of Greg Stillson, the future elected official who will allegedly use his ‘red button’ to its full capacity, is at times laughable. Still, it’s Christopher Walken’s ability to play up to the film’s highest dramatic keys that makes it work (‘THE ICE, IS GUNNA BREAK!’). His realization of Sarah Brackneli’s (Brooke Adams) moving on since his accident five years earlier is tragic, as they made a great onscreen couple. The film’s final frames are chilling, and would probably be prevented from getting made today. Is Johnny Smith a misunderstood hero, or a villain who justifiably got what he deserved? It’s a question King was more than willing to ask at the end of the 70s, but would probably be crucified for asking today.
4) The Mist (2007)
Yes, I am able to get out of the 80s and realize that there were in fact good adaptations of King’s work this century. In fact, this won’t be the last time Frank Darabont’s name comes up on this list. On the surface, The Mist could probably be seen as a failure. It has the most escalated and cartoonish version of a Christian evangelist I have ever seen onscreen (played by Marcia Gay Harden) and some at times pretty bad CGI. Still, Darabont’s filming style is not accidental. In fact, the film comes off much better if seen in the black and white format which is on the special edition DVD.
Much like Pet Semetary, the small things don’t really matter in The Mist, as it is its dark and dire mood which makes it work. There are some chair grabbing, white knuckled moments here, and Darabont is very good at playing them all up to their fullest strengths. A little side story: The Mist was the first short story in a set of them called The Skeleton Crew. One summer day twenty or so years ago, it happened to be ‘Take Your Son To Work’ day. So my dad took me to his insurance office, and I needed something to keep me company while there. Complete with a cymbal playing monkey on the cover, I read this story in its entirety within my father’s office, almost gripped with fear. How Darabont was able to translate this to the screen is a talent very few have. Oh, and did I mention its ending?
3) The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
A criminally underlooked film at the time of its release -just check the year to find out the reason why- The Shawshank Redemption has grown some mighty fine legs in the last decade or so. Once again helmed by Darabont, Shawshank is another of King’s tales that is nary a supernatural quality. Instead, it is about the essence of man, as well as the ability of the strongest to survive and persevere. Shawshank is a story contained in what is widely believed to be King’s best set of short stories (or in this case novellas) called Different Seasons.
Indeed, the book has what are narratively his most successful stories. Character studies are not easy to do. But King’s ability to surprise with a gem like this is what makes him the successful author he is, and not so much the populist so many like to call him. Of course, Darabont’s ability to put these great words onscreen, along with what I would call the best performance of Morgan Freeman’s career, as well as Tim Robbins’ ability to make us suffer with him through every man’s nightmare, is essential in making The Shawshank Redemption work. Sorry The Green Mile. This takes the Darabont cake for me.
2) Carrie (1976)
Brian DePalma was once my third favorite film director. I don’t care what anyone says. This 70s era of DePalma has not been topped by anyone. Yes, within his work there are more than a few ‘callbacks’ to Alfred Hitchcock (though some would call them flat out thievery), but the man knew how to build a mood and make every scene work within it. Carrie is famously the casting session that ran at the same time as another one called Star Wars. DePalma, a friend of George Lucas’s, made his house the casting couch, and everyone read for the available parts of both films. Folks, you have no idea how close we were to having a William Katt portrayal of Luke Skywalker. Also, the roles of Princess Leia and Carrie White were almost swapped by the two actresses portraying them. That’s right. Carrie Fisher was almost, well, Carrie, and Sissy Spacek was almost Alderaan’s lost Princess.
Nonetheless, that’s ‘what could have been’ talk. What about what we got? There is something about Spacek’s portrayal of the film’s title character that makes me cringe, and not in a negative way. I want to rescue her. She looks sick, and she looks haggard. It is these qualities, on top of DePalma’s great direction, that make the movie work. We all know about the famous image of Carrie standing there covered in red pig’s blood. But it is the series of events that lead to this image, as well as its result, which makes it iconic. Pushed around by bullies, lied to by authorative figures, Carrie finally reaches her breaking point.
In my original review of the 2013 remake starring Chloe Grace Moretz, I said I did not have to wonder why they remade King’s original book. Reason being everything he outlined in that 1975 manuscript was just as, if not more, resonate today. Sure, you can knock the original movie’s goofy 70s music, the silly montages, and John Travolta’s ridiculous accent. But DePalma’s film speaks to everybody. Each and every time I watch it, I want to personally thank King’s wife Tabitha for rescuing it from the trash where King threw it. He, like his title character, had no confidence in himself to make the story work. All it takes is one person to tell you otherwise to make you a King.
1) Stand By Me (1985)
I will always remember my very first appearance on the BingeCast. On top of being nervous as hell, I had, hours before, gotten done watching Stand By Me for the first time in at least a decade. Immediately after the film ended, we were on our way to dinner when my girlfriend at the time asked me why I was crying at the movie. I said I had no idea. I had seen the movie many times in my younger years, but I did not believe that it could impact me as much as it did. This was a story that catapulted my appearance on the show that night, and from then on, it seemed I was almost destined to start writing and podcasting for Law and Moreno’s little venture here.
What is it about Stand By Me that works so well today? Sure, I enjoyed it when I first watched it thirty years ago. But I don’t think I understood it. I watched Lard Ass cause the world’s biggest ‘barfa-rama,’ Verne (Jerry O’Connell) get consistently ridiculed by Teddy (Corey Feldman) and just glimpse each passing moment of the film go by like that train on the tracks the kids barely avoid. You seriously watch this movie and yes, there is one narrative and destination for the story. But you are also getting little tidbits and hints at what each character’s main purpose really is.
THIS is what flew over my head as a youngster. Seeing these characters develop, and watching where they ended up, made such a bigger impact on me as an adult than it ever could on my ten year old self. The shot of River Phoenix fading from the screen as Gordy (Wil Wheaton) tells us through voice over (by an adult version played by Richard Dreyfuss) of his eventual fate was probably the film’s most impactful moment. Not just because that is exactly how Phoenix himself would end up eight years later. But also because I myself have had friends end up exactly like that.
Stand By Me is worth revisiting after driving many more miles in life than when you watched it last. It may have been filmed in the 80s and take place in the 50s. But its core story of growing up is timeless.
Did your favorite make the list? How many did I miss? Let me know either here in the comments section or on our good ol’ Facebook page.
If there is one thing more annoying than the onslaught of Hollywood blockbusters right now it is the BARRAGE of “Oscar-bait” films. As movie fans, it is our job to keep up with new releases, know who directed what-when and be able to rattle off numerous top-10 lists. No matter what we do it seems like every year there is a slew of films made for the studios to increase their profit share through award nominations. This year there’s been a lot of talk about who was, or more importantly was NOT, nominated for an award, and it got me thinking about the awards in general. Mainly, I’m trying to find a reason why we care so much about something that has no effect on whether or not we enjoy a thing, whether it be a film or a tv show. What, pray tell, is all the fuss about?
Ricky Gervais may catch some flack for hosting the Golden Globes and causing a ruckus with the celebs but, honestly, his viewpoint (act) is the one shining example of how we should regard these overlong, pretentious and obnoxious award shows. We all get into a tizzy about what will or will not be nominated but I have a question for you. Are any of your favorite films award winners? Has that ever been a factor for you in whether or not you enjoy a movie? If you answered yes to either of the previous questions, then congratulations on being a hipster douche.
I love The Dark Knight with a passion. I know it has some issues but, much like The Force Awakens, it hit the right notes in such a right way that I don’t care. The way Nolan reinvigorated Batman and The Joker is the stuff of legend, and I will always love Ledger for his performance here. That being said, this is one of the few examples of a favorite film of mine being successful at the Academies, earning the aforementioned Heath Ledger a Best Supporting Actor nomination. Yet, the nomination and win have no bearing on how I feel about the movie. In fact, I couldn’t give a rats ass. “Honoring the legacy” of the actor means absolutely nothing to me. I honor his legacy by enjoying his performance in the movie, as it should be.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, Goodfellas, Jaws, The Big Lebowski, etc. etc. etc… There are hundreds, nigh THOUSANDS of films that never won an award and yet are part of the fabric of cinema. Look at guys like Alfred Hitchcock and Stanley Kubrick. Neither won an Oscar for direction throughout their career, yet their legacies are some of films’ most important. Lawrence of Arabia, and epic predicated on the performance of its lead was unjustly denied Best Actor for Peter O’Toole, yet his performance is absolutely legendary. My point is that plenty of films and performances have been slighted over the years. It is nothing new, and it will continue as long as these awards shows are made out to be so incredibly important. It is not isolated to people of color or minorities, it simply happens when you have higher quality films.
This year there has been an insane amount of attention and effort put into painting the Oscars in a negative and, unfortunately, overtly racist light. It is easy to look at the nominations and not notice “people of color” being recognized. Alarming as that may be, like all serious issues, it needs to be analyzed further. Chi-Raq was a polarizing film that touched some (Kupka) and disappointed others (Law). Not having seen the film yet I can’t comment too strongly one way or another, but the general consensus seems to be that a stylized musical about gun violence in Chicago just didn’t connect with the majority of people. Straight Outta Compton, an adequate movie about NWA, is not that great of a film. Biopics are largely by the numbers and generic, typically catering to their fanbase, and I felt Compton did that. That brings us to the biggest snub, Beasts of no Nation. I said it before that the film was unjustly ignored this year, but I think that has more to do with the studios’ fear of Netflix beginning to take a foothold over the film industry than a racist slight against black people.
Awards are won based on merit. Have we all forgotten that 12 Years A Slave was Best Picture two years ago? This conversation seems to be propagated by the media and a few key celebrities, probably for Twitter hits. The culture seems to continue trending towards this climate of acceptance and complacency, but has anyone stopped to ask whether or not the films that were not nominated simply were not all that great? Creed was entertaining but an easy film to make since it was a cherry-picked reworking of all the elements that made the previous six Rocky films work (sorry Luke and Garrett). People need to get over this whole racist angle. In this past season of Project Greenlight, Effie is a cheerleader for diversity, seen in the very first episode where she insists on trying to hire someone of color/diversity. Matt Damon, in my opinion, very eloquently shoots down what Effie is trying to get at by saying that the contest should be decided for the filmmaking and the merit of the applicant. Isn’t that how awards are supposed to work as well? Black, white, red, yellow, brown, orange or green, the quality of your work should be the deciding factor in whether or not you get nominated, plain and simple.
After all of that, what to do? I say wave your middle finger to Hollywood and ignore nominations and wins. Who cares? For those of you who loved Mad Max Fury Road, do you love it more because it was nominated for Best Picture? Pretty sure either way that movie has a guy with a flaming guitar in it, so in my book it will always be on my action movie rotation. That’s what matters, how you feel about the film, not how everyone else is telling you to feel about the film. Personally, I was underwhelmed severely by The Revenant, but I’m not going to make concessions about it based on everyone else’s thoughts. Think for yourself and say “fuck off” to these ridiculous, self-serving awards shows.
With the trailer to the JJ Abrams’ produced adaptation of Stephen King’s 2011 novel 11/22/63 dropping upon us last week, I thought now would be as good a time as any to put together a list of my ten favorite King adaptations. King is a seminal author to me. I have told the story a hundred times of when I was 11 years old and found the novel Cujo on my father’s night stand. A week or so of reading later, I was hooked line & sinker into his world. I have never passed up the opportunity to read his new release or see the adaptations of his work as they premiered. Much like that Bigfoot looking guy who works for this site named Ammon Gilbert, I have been a die hard reader of the man’s work for over a quarter century.
It also so happens that I find 11/22/63, along with Mr Mercedes, to be the best stuff he’s put out this century. So as King so loves to say in his forewords, come with me, Constant Reader, and see if these choices match yours. If they don’t, let me know either here or on the Facebook page.
Honorable Mentions: Dolores Claiborne (1992), The Dark Half (1989), The Good Marriage (2014), It, Apt Pupil (1998). Silver Bullet (1985), and Salem’s Lot (1994)
10) The Shining (1980)
Ok. I sense a trolling right off the bat, so let me explain my position here. Anyone who knows me knows I am not an overt fan of director Stanley Kubrick’s work. I find the man’s films, for the most part, to be laborious wastes of two plus hours each. And honestly, if it wasn’t for the VERY ill advised attempt by King to adapt his precious novel for TV in 1997, Kubrick’s adaptation would have more than likely been left off this list. However let me tell you why I included it so low here. It is simply because if 1997’s miniseries starring Stephen Weber proved anything, it was that Kubrick’s instincts to ground the author’s original story, about a caretaker who goes crazy and attempts to kill his family, as much as possible was much to its narrative’s gain. For example, could you imagine how silly this movie would have looked had Jack Nicholson been helped by hotel hedge animals as in the novel? If you’re that curious, check out that miniseries. The results are nothing short of hilarious.
Kubrick focused almost all of his film on Torrance and his psyche coming apart at the seams. I know King likes to say that his main gripe with the picture is that we know from the get go that Jack was crazy. That may be so. But it isn’t until we see him at the bar falling off the wagon that we believe he has the capability to let the hotel influence his entire family’s demise. Like him or not, I thought Kubrick did this book right.
9) Cujo (1983)
Ahhh, the one that started it all for a young Garrett Collins. Perhaps non coincidentally, this is another film that tones down the supernatural aspect of the source material. King devotees know that originally, the huge saint bernard title character was possessed by the spirit of renowned killer Frank Dodd. The filmmakers instead start the film off with a title sequence showing this seemingly adorable dog chasing a rabbit and getting bitten by a rabid bat. The film is an odd commodity in that it wants to have its cake and eat it too. As Cujo ramsacks a broken down car containing Donna Trenton (Dee Wallace) and her son Tad (Danny Pintauro of Who’s The Boss?), he gets more and more deteriorated. This would suggest a more supernatural progression of his being than what we are told. Still, there are plenty of tense moments in Cujo, and King has always maintained that Wallace deserved an Oscar nomination for her performance. Speaking of Oscars…..
8) Misery (1990)
I can only imagine what was going through King’s mind when Kathy Bates was announced as the Oscar winner of a role he created. Director Rob Reiner -who we will speak more of later- directed this chilling tale of an author who gets stranded and rescued by a psychotic nurse who wants one thing and one thing only – her beloved character of Misery to make her grand return. The nightmares King must have had -and I can imagine the near experiences too- had to play into the novel’s writing. I remember reading it the Thanksgiving before the movie opened. I was sick as a dog, and the pages were almost turning themselves with how much I was sucked in.
Renowned screenwriter William Goldman (The Princess Bride) adapted the book to page and it was up to Reiner to pull it off onscreen. He got both an at the time unknown Bates and true Hollywood tough guy James Caan to agree to star, and all of a sudden a King adaptation had risen from the depths of Dino de Laurentiis productions and straight into the Hollywood mainstream. One famous omission from the overall mean spirited source material was instead of having antagonist Annie Wilkes cut off Paul Seldon’s foot and burn it with a torch, she would break his ankle with one swing of a sledge hammer. The change was welcomed, and the image of Bates swinging that sledge hammer is embedded in anyone who has seen it’s mind forever.
7) Pet Semetary (1989)
Has there ever been a more fitting Stephen King bit of casting than that of Fred Gwynne as lowly neighbor Jud Crandall? Just thinking of his delivery of the line ‘sometimes, dead is better’ gives me chills. Pet Semetary was a book that King admitted while in the writing process gave him nightmares. The resulting movie, if I can be honest for a second, wasn’t great in terms of filmaking. The acting is at times stiff -that’s putting it nicely- and some of the editing and unraveling family situations would fit better in any soap opera from the time.
What makes Pet Semetary work is its mood. Director Mary Lambert percolates her film with just an overall sense of dread and despair. This mood rescues the film even when it is at its worst. For example, given how it is lazily set up, of course we know that the cat is going to get run over by a truck. The maid, a character I remember playing a bigger role in the novel, is barely here, put in mostly just to say they did. Her one bit of telling little girl -and child of power- Ellie Creed that their cat Church is about to get his ‘nuts cut’ is the one smile I cracked the entire movie. And if it wasn’t for the terrifying images onscreen, Denise Crosby’s account of what happened with her dead sister Zelda would have been Pheobe Cates from Gremlins bad. Still, the movie’s final third is well done, and thanks to Jud’s death, I still check under a bed right before walking next to it barefoot.
6) Christine (1983)
What can I say? I have a soft spot for this oft forgotten gem. One, it is John Carpenter right in his prime. Two, it is Keith Gordon in a truly menacing performance as a teenager who would do anything to protect his ‘girl’ Christine. Oh, did I mention Christine wasn’t a girl, but in fact a car?
The movie made such an impact on me because I was in fact younger than Gordon’s character of Arnie Cunningham when I read the book. And that teen angst, the urge to stick it back to everyone who did me wrong, was persistent in my head. It must be said that once again, a what some King fans call very important aspect of the story that also happened to be supernatural, was left out of the film. That being the car didn’t come off the assembly line evil. It was in fact possessed by the spirit of its previous owner Roland D LeBay.
Myself, I can point to more wrong with the movie version of Christine than that. Like, why does the head bully of this film look older than anyone who works for this site NOW? Why are Alexandra Paul’s line deliveries about as wooden as the burning house from the end of Lethal Weapon 3? But there is also so much to like about Christine. Its at times brilliant use of oldies (‘you can keep on knocking but you can’t come in’), its portrayal of that teenage friendship coming apart at the seams. Yet another infectious 80s Carpenter score. All of this makes Christine well worth a ride.
Well, that does it for now. Come back in a couple days when I finish up this list of my top ten favorite Stephen King adaptations. Until then, I bid you, Constant Reader, goodbye. I’ve always wanted to say that.
It’s time to lay down our Best of lists. Moreno, Ammon, and Law all give their favorite films of the year. There’s also talk of the year’s best in Television and a shitload of voicemails. I’m tired…… here’s a time stamp.
0:00:00-It’s on like Donkey Kong
0:02:22-Ammon is on schedule? This won’t last. Top ten of the fucking year is happening this episode, so put your big boy pants on and get rwady. TV Round up is non existent this week. Don’t cry, you whiny bastard.
0:06:10-OSCAR NOMINATIONS AND STUFF. Only the big three are discussed, which includes best fucking actress (not the best actress who fucks, just for clarification), best fucking actor, and best fucking picture. Actual categories may or may not include the word “fucking.” They should though.
0:27:16-GOOGLE VOICE. There’s a ton of voicemails, so don’t even try to leave.
1:12:10-NEW SOUNDER. If you’re a fan of farts, then you’ll dig this. Weirdo.
1:25:42 WHAT DID YOU WATCH? Law checked out Sisters since he has a raging hard on for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Can you blame him? The dildo factory worker stays thematic with family member labels as he discusses Daddy’s Home. He moves onto Truth, starring Robert Redford, and fifes all over Moonwalkers. Wrapping up his portion, JLaw (yup) gives his thoughts on The Program. Ammon follows with The Big Short and Joy. Moreno eats tacos.
1:59:08-MOVIE HOMEWORK: Carol. Nope.
2:12:12-TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2015. Enjoy you cocksuckers. And if you disagree, well that’s great. Go fuck yourself.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sad to inform you that we have lost another TITAN of our film-geek world. You’d be hard pressed to find one amongst us who didn’t like, if not love, Alan Rickman for one of a dozen different fantastic performances. In a week where we had to send off David Bowie, this just seems like it adds insult to injury. Rickman was an actor that I always had an affinity for. As such, rather than be sad for the loss, here are my five favorite Alan Rickman roles, in no particular order.
Hans Gruber – Let’s get it out of the way first; Hans Gruber was metal as fuck. Die Hard is the first word in action films, due in large part to Hans “Fucking” Gruber. The man has cool steel running through his veins and the wit and cynicism of a world-class comedian. Couple that with the initial bait and switch terrorist plot and you’ve got one of the best overall villains in cinema history. Hans Gruber will always be remembered for being the fantastic bastard that he was, and Rickman made him all that he is.
The Metatron – Dogma was my introduction to the View Askewniverse and Kevin Smith’s work. As a comedy, it works well, but as a contemplative take on religion and the modern man’s (or woman’s) relationship with it Dogma is a better rounded story than most of Smith’s oeuvre. Yet, there’s really only one performance that stands out in a film full of laughs, and that is Rickman’s turn as the Metatron. We have seen the expository mentor figure in countless films but Rickman brought something more to the role, infusing it with a surprising level of hubris and warmth. At times dryly funny, at others caring and wise, Metatron is a role played mostly for laughs but somehow becomes endearing.
Alexander Dane – Those of us who know our Star Trek (I’m looking at you Lance) understand just how lovingly Galaxy Quest was made. They nailed all of the important beats to us Trekkies while also defining their own identity as a sci-fi entity. Dane, the stand-in for Leonard Nimoy, was simply brilliant in what has become an iconic movie character. The gimmicky headpiece he is forced to wear, the famous line that he essentially vomits out on command and the “true actor” persona he wears and struggles with accounts for a lot of the comedy in this movie. The funnier performances tend to not get a lot of recognition but it’s unquestionable that Galaxy Quest wouldn’t be nearly as good without Rickman’s presence.
Judge Turpin – There are some out there with an inherent aversion to musicals. I’m not one of those people, and consider this to be the last great Tim Burton film before he went off the deep end with Disney. Rickman’s menace is on full display here, playing the menacing and controlling Judge Turpin with relative ease. This, more-so than some of the other performances in this list, feels most like a perfect fit for the thespian with his singing also being pretty decent. Todd is a good musical, and Rickman is a consummate professional in it.
Professor Snape – You don’t play a character for eight years and stick the emotional landing unless you are a world-class performer. Despite my personal qualms about the second half of the Potter franchise, Snape’s arc was magical to see. I grew up with the Potter books and, to a lesser degree, the movies, so Snape has been a presence in film for me predating so many other things. While it may not be my favorite performance of his, I think it may be his career’s magnum opus.
If this is any indication we are in for a tough year. Bowie was a huge blow to many of us, detailed in Garrett’s great write-up of the man, and Rickman was an equally large presence in my world. Here is to a man whose life was dedicated to connecting with all of us, in some small way. Well, sir, you did it.