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Happy Thanksgiving | BingeMedia.net

Happy Thanksgiving [A List I’m Not Thankful For]

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“Happy Thanksgiving!” – Every American next week

Yeah, yeah. We get it. The Americans are having their week-long, “oh, Happy Thanksgiving muah muah”  celebration next week, highlighted by a climatic collection of the world’s biggest assholes lining up for $3 toasters Friday morning.

Thanks for this.

Thanks for that.

All my programs will be off the air for a week and the entire universe collectively stops.

So, why don’t I play my part as “the angriest Canadian you’ll ever know”, tell everyone to take their “Happy Thanksgiving” and shove it,  while giving you my list of shit I’m not thankful for.

1. GROUP TEXTING

Happy Thanksgiving Group Texting | BingeMedia.net

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of group texting.

Ammon, Moreno, and I used to use this feature constantly to set BingeCast plans, exchange ideas, and shit-talk one another all day long. Then Moreno got a new phone and completely fucked my life up. Ever since he made this switch from Apple to Android I haven’t been able to send or receive a group text from anybody.

The best part?

He can do it just fine. No problems there.

I, however, send out a group message and it arrives on their phones as a solitary text to each of them thus making their responses individual. I’ve done everything to try and fix this – successfully removed myself form iMessage when I got my new phone, installed new messaging apps, removed and re-added their numbers, restarted, slammed my fist as hard as possible into the face of my phone, searched the Google machine for answers, changed settings, swore a whole bunch, and cried.

Nothing has worked.

We’re forced to use Facebook messenger whenever we need to have a team meeting and getting to that is about as smooth as shaving with a fork.

If you have any answers to this please let me know below because sooner or later somebody is going to get murdered.

2. STEPHEN KING’S REVIVAL

Stephen King's Revival | BingeMedia.net

Stephen King has provided me with some of the greatest reads of my lifetime.

His more recent work has kept me entertained at a pretty high level. The last three books I’ve read of his (Joyland, Doctor Sleep, and Mr. Mercedes) have all been quick and satisfying.

So why in the holy hell does Revival suck so much babadiiiiick? I, like Ammon (the biggest King fife I know), thought there was pretty much nothing he could publish that I wouldn’t read and find some sort of enjoyment out of.

Revival is ridiculously boring. It’s the world’s dullest memoir with a climax that promises to be big and lasts about half a page and insists that you contemplate why the fuck you just spent as many hours as you did to get there.

I get that he deserves the right to do whatever the fuck he wants at this point in his career but at least put a warning sticker on the cover – “Attention: This is Stephen King not giving a fuck about what you expect from him.”

Read our book review of Stephen King’s Doctor Sleep!

3. MAKING CHRISTMAS LISTS

Trading Places | BingeMedia.net

My parents divorced when I was really young so I know how awesome it is to get double the Christmas gifts when you’re a kid. By default my kids have three sets of grandparents and make out even better than I did when I was their age. They love opening up the entire Toys R Us catalog over a two day span come the holidays. I love it too because my wife and I barely have to buy them shit.

What sucks is the making of the lists for every single person buying those gifts.

  • Grandparents #1 want a list in early November, when I’m still trying to eat all their Halloween candy.
  • Grandparents #2 want a list at the end of November, when I’m still trying to make sure GP #1 has all the right shit.
  • Grandparents #3 stroll in sometime in December and are all “Do you have a list for the kids?” and I’m all “What the fuck? Go to the dollar store and get off my ass!”

And that’s the thing, the kids don’t even ask for this much stuff. I’ll have them start a list in August and by the time I hand it over there’s something like 12 toys total on it. My mom wants to buy them twenty things each. There was a toy drive at work last week and I decided to go into the storage and see what I could scrounge up for the little unfortunate bastards. I came out with one of those giant gift bags, jam-packed with well over $300 worth of toys my kids never even got around to opening. I felt like fucking Ghandi when I dropped that bitch off that night. Below is an actual picture of everything my kids got two years ago. My basement is a joke.

Christmas presents | BingeMedia.net

Listen to the BingeCast Movie Homework for Trading Places!

 4. SNOW

Stupid snow | BingeMedia.net

There are three things I truly hate in this world.

  1. Doing laundry.
  2. Mowing the lawn.
  3. Shoveling the motherfucking driveway.

So, I tell my wife at least once a year (she’ll say it’s much more than that) when I die, it will be from either cutting the grass or clearing that obnoxious white shit off our parking spots. My back is borderline paralyzed on any normal day throughout the year. After shoveling for an hour I feel like somebody lit me up me with a shotgun full of killer wasps.

It ruins me.

Ruins my sleep.

Also my work.

Sitting. Yes, it ruins my sitting.

And any smidgen of Christmas spirit I might have left by the end of the year.

You might say “Why don’t you just move then?” to which I am obligated to answer with “Why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

Because I’m not going to change my entire life and my family’s because I’m the grumpiest dick on the block.

Snow will not beat me.

All I’m saying is that it might (will) kill me one day.

Happy Thanksgiving…but no thanks!

Ed Note: Originally published November 21, 2014

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Friday Night Law: Evil Nature

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A long time ago, while working at JoBlo.com, I was contacted by an up and coming director named Darin Beckstead wondering if I’d take a look at his short film, COURAGE & STUPIDITY (check out the trailer right here). It was about the behind the scenes fiasco of trying to get JAWS made. The main characters are Steve, George, and a broken shark prop. I had a lot of fun with it and wrote something up on the site saying so.

Years later Darin filmed his first feature, SOMEBODY’S HERO (check out the trailer right here), and again came to ask my opinion. I reviewed it on the old podcast and hoped nothing but the best for this dude and appreciated that he kept coming back to me to help get the word out about his projects.

Last week Darin dropped this new short in my lap and it’s easily my favorite piece he’s done so far. EVIL NATURE: PROOF OF CONCEPT is a fun little horror comedy that has people describing it as having a “GREMLINS meets Sam Raimi” vibe. As always, I’ll do my best for Darin and hope you’ll give it a watch or two.

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Highlights of 2016 – Law

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Everybody has been busy giving their highlights of the year (except Kupka – what the fuck was that?) and the good thing about going last is that you get to cheat off everybody else and say “I liked that shit too.” But I’ll try not to do that because a) I’m a professional, and b) I forget most of what they wrote and don’t feel like clicking my mouse a couple times to find out. Here goes – my favorite things of 2016

BOOKS

I fell away from reviewing books on the BingeCast this year partly because I’m a drunk idiot and always forget, and partly because I went on a tear this year, sometimes finishing two books a week, and couldn’t keep up with myself. Here’s a couple that come to mind as I wrap the year up. IN THE DARKNESS, THAT’S WHERE I’LL KNOW YOU: THE COMPLETE BLACK ROOM STORY by Luke Smithered in a brilliant little novel about a dude that wakes up inside a strange woman’s head. That’s all I can give without ruining the rest. CRITICAL FAILURES is a series of books by Robert Bevan in which a group of friends get thrust into their role playing game called Caverns & Creatures (not unlike Dungeons & Dragons). It’s a fun read filled with shit talking, farts, and dick jokes a plenty. The best audiobook I listened to by far this year though was ALIEN: OUT OF THE SHADOWS by Tim Lebbon. I can’t remember who recommended this to me on Facebook but I can’t thank them enough. The audio version is a full budget presentation with sound effects and entire cast. The story plays as an alternate sequel to the original ALIEN film (but officially says it takes place between ALIEN and ALIENS) and finds Ripley waking up aboard a mining ship in deep space. Said mining ship finds a shit load of Xenomorphs. It takes a lot for me to give a book credit that is basically going head-to-head with the greatest sequel ever made in my opinion so give it a shot and see what you think.

VIDEO GAMES

I’m pretty sure I played one actual video game this year. That’s okay because I absolutely dominated it with my boy, Pete MC. This year at Lawlapalooza in Chicago we met up with Chad D, Chad C, Nick, and Creepy 209. Add Moreno, Pete, myself, and lots of lovely wives and we lived through the greatest meet-up yet. At some point we stumbled into a bar/arcade and started talking shit. After a few rounds of Ninja Turtles, getting my ass handed to me on Donkey Kong, and a few shots of pure death, Pete and I settled into our spot on NBA JAM and started kicking everybody’s assholes all over the walls. That’s right, the walls were painted in assholes. I’m retired from gaming for now, a champion, a hero, a complete prick.

ANIMATED FILMS

As a whole, the animated genre is in it’s golden age. No longer is it just Pixar followed by everybody else. KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS is the biggest surprise on my list as I absolutely loved (almost) every second of it. Bundle that with the likes of ZOOTOPIA, FINDING DORY, MOANA, TROLLS, STORKS, and Pixar’s short film, BORROWED TIME, and you have one hell of a list. There were some clunkers too (THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS, ANGRY BIRDS, SAUSAGE PARTY) but those are easily outweighed by some brilliant films.

VADER

As I write this I’m gearing up for an all out podcast war with some of the other asshats from this site where we’ll argue about the importance, quality, and overall necessity of ROGUE ONE. Whatever the outcome of that conversation, there is one fact that I will not back down from – when Vader lights up his saber in the pitch black hallway after a few seconds of just his breathing is the single greatest shot in the history of STAR WARS cinema. What immediately follows is the best representation of the big bad we’re ever going to get on screen. Remember how excited we all were when we got to see Yoda kick ass in ATTACK OF THE CLONES? And how stupid it turned out to be? The Vader equivalent is anything but stupid – it’s glorious.

TV

There’s lots of good and bad in the television I watched this year, sometimes within the same series. STRANGER THINGS was good but failed to capture me the way it did countless others. THE WALKING DEAD had a great half hour of the premiere episode and then literally shit the bed every other second of screen time in what I consider to be one of the worst seasons of television I’ve ever watch throughout. SOUTH PARK started off on fire but felt like it went on a tad too long and lost some steam with me by the end. AMERICAN HORROR STORY pulled off the impossible by my standards by having me tap out mid-season and then having me tap back in before the end of the season (this is 100% Ammon’s fault and he’s an asshole). CHANNEL ZERO was the horror show I’ve been looking for, and  even if it didn’t nail the landing, there were enough creepy moments to last a lifetime. VEEP was incredible from start to finish this year, leaving me wonder how they can ever top what they pulled off. I welcomed back BLACK MIRROR with open arms and was not disappointed. There’s an argument here that this show was pound-for-pound the most entertaining thing (movie or TV show) I watched this year. Some new shows caught my eye too – HORACE AND PETE was emotional, funny, and incredibly performed. ATLANTA was hilarious, all too real, and original. And DIVORCE was a triumphant comeback for Sarah Jessica Parker to HBO. The runs we were treated to by John Oliver on LAST WEEK TONIGHT and Samantha Bee on FULL FRONTAL might never be matched as they fell face first into a political shitstorm for the ages. ASH VS. EVIL DEAD was simply the greatest this year. I’ve ranted and raved enough about it on the show and in my personal life so I can hear everybody saying “We get it!” Shut up and watch. And of course, the first fully un-spoilerable season of GAME OF THRONES grabbed me by the jaw from the first episode and never let me look away. I loved it all. Book purists can sit and pout all they want, this was fantastic television.

MOVIES

I’m not going to get into my top films of the year here as we like to record a BEST OF 2016 BingeCast for that type of shit, but I will talk about some of my favorite moments. Such as the fantasy prom scene from SING STREET. This shit plays to my inner musical fan like a perfectly beat drum. I love random choreographed dance scenes in films. Don’t know why, just do. The fight between all the heroes in CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR was as epic as they could make it. Sure nobody died, but we got to see Spider-Man hanging with his new friends and Ant-Man own almost every second of screen time he has. DON’T BREATHE made me gag and almost throw up at work, DEADPOOL made me laugh harder than I have in years, and HACKSAW RIDGE had one of the most unrelenting war scenes of all time and almost made me press pause to catch my breath. Twice. I got a cool-as-fuck Denzel in THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, a scary as all hell John Goodman in 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE, and a hot-as-shit Blake Lively in, one of my biggest surprises of the year, THE SHALLOWS. I loved Kevin Costner in CRIMINAL, wanted to hang with Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling in THE NICE GUYS, and marveled at the subtle indifference of Amy Adams in ARRIVAL and NOCTURNAL ANIMALS. I can’t tell if she’s an amazing actress or not, but I like her.

I guess that’s it. Prepare yourself for lots of shit talking in the new year on the BingeCast and, as always, have a drink or two for me whenever you have one.

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Friday Night Law: Billions is Legit

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As far as television is concerned, the last few weeks of my life have been consumed with Netflix’s Making a Murderer. I’ll get into this much more on the upcoming return of the BingeCast. When it was over I was left with a void unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I was convinced all I had to do was sit in a dark corner and wait until Banshee or Game of Thrones started up. I’ve recently started to consider the Golden Age of television is trailing off. The majority of the greats have ended (most badly) and even with the emergence of things such as Mr. Robot, Jessica Jones, and Fargo the last couple years, it seems the superiority of the small screen is getting slightly less noticeable. HBO doesn’t even have a drama on right now – what the fuck is that? And then somebody released the pilot episode of Billions early and some of my faith was restored. Welcome to my new shit.

There was no doubt I was watching this show regardless of it’s hype. I love Paul Giamatti with a passion. Whether he’s playing Pig Vomit in PRIVATE PARTS or voicing a fat snail in TURBO, I will watch. What I didn’t realize was how familiar the rest of the cast will be. To put it plainly, they’ve seemed to recruit an all star cast of People Who Have Died Horribly on Other Shows I Watched. It’s brilliant. Let me break it down for you.

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Brody, himself, Damien Lewis is the main rival for Giamatti and their back and forth is going to be legendary. This is a charismatic Brody. A cock-sucking douchebag Brody with more than enough money to be the world’s biggest asshole. Lets face it, he’s always going to be Brody so just deal with it.

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“Fucking Tara is in this?” My exact words when she showed up. And she’s pretty un-Tara, if that’s a thing. It is, shut up. Maggie Siff drops the glum mystery she brought to SOA and fits perfectly as a go-between voice of reason here. She’s banging one (maybe both), is a successful and strong personality, and actually says more than 1-2 sentences in a row. Who knew?

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By the time Gale (David Costabile) shows up I was starting to giggle. Did everyone have their characters killed off to be a part of this show? Does this show take place in TV Heaven? Am I drunk again? Yes, to all of this.

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Okay, my gathering of other TV characters theory is gone to shit. Dale (Jeffery DeMunn) was eaten by a zombie on The Walking Dead. So, even if this was weird TV Heaven, Dale would be a zombie. Imagine if he’s actually a zombie on this show? Here he is giving procedural law advice while secretly waiting to eat your face. I just made this show even better than it is.

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Now they’re going deep and getting personal. Tim (Terry Kinney), from Oz is in this fucking show too? Has someone been watching over my shoulder for the past 15 years and just picking random awesome characters from shows that I obsessed with at one point or another? Yes, they have. This is a fact I’ve convinced myself of over a couple shots of chocolate vodka and eleven beers.

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The creepy glasses guy from Daredevil too? C’mon, man. There’s nobody on this show I can’t link to some other great show I once watched religiously. Call it Six Degrees of Law’s Work Playlist. Call it that!

Anyway, before I burst a head vein, you put all these throwbacks together and add people like Malin Ackerman and I’m more than interested. Like I said before…. Welcome to my new shit. It’s the same as the old shits.

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Friday Night Law: What the F*ck, Walking Dead?

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Batch and I have heard all the theories, watched the scene a hundred times, and gathered all the hints and clues. Now it’s time to figure out exactly what went down with Glenn in that pivotal scene in last week’s episode of The Walking Dead. We throw our opinions at each other over a couple beers and try to come to some sort of conclusion. Dead? Under the garbage bin? In the sewer? Jesus? Science? Come tackle any and all scenarios before they drag it out next week and we end up leaving even angrier than before.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Friday Night Law: The Star Wars Trailer Breakdown

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Welcome to the first podcast edition of Friday Night Law where I invite Garrett Collins into the studio to discuss anything and everything about the new STAR WARS: EPISODE VII – THE FORCE AWAKENS trailer. We get down and dirty with theories, predictions, hints, and plain ole’ facts that came out of the clip. There’s no actual spoilers during the show because we don’t know anything and have decided to not research too deep. It’s just our geeky observations without being interrupted by any drunk Mexicans or high-as-balls Sasquatch fan boys. Here’s a list of some of the topics:

  • Who, exactly, is the bad guy?
  • Will any of the original cast die?
  • Why aren’t we allowed to see Luke?
  • What’s with the symbol on that ruin?
  • Why is everybody crying (including Garrett)?
  • Who’s that guy that was in that show?
  •  The score.
  • Spaceballs.
  • Who is Rey related to?
  • The lens flares.

All that and lots more. Join us and let your hopeful inner-geek free.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | TuneIn | RSS

CLICK ABOVE TO LISTEN NOW!

Subscribe to Binge Cast on iTunes!

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Friday Night Law: Love The Martian? Read These Two Books Now!

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After reading Andy Weir’s ‘The Martian’ a few months ago I was as excited for the film as the next nerd. The problem was, much like the tail end of a binge-watch on Netflix, I needed more. I needed it now. Luckily for me, there were two books coming out weeks apart that fit the genre. I’d expect the sci-fi space adventure to be even more prevalent than it is nowadays because of the success of GRAVITY a few years ago. I expect it even more now that THE MARTIAN film adaptation has kicked all sorts of ass since it premiered. The fact is, these two novels came out at the perfect time (one more than the other – more on that later) and is proven even more by the fact that ‘The Fall’ has already started development for a television show. What are they all about? Relax, we’re getting there.

THE FALL by R.J. Pineiro

From the Author’s Website: “A man jumps from the upper-most reaches of the atmosphere and vanishes, ending up on an alternate Earth where he died five years earlier.”

There’s a lot more action here than in ‘The Martian’ or ‘Saturn Run’ and that’s a good thing. Jack Taylor is a badass, adrenaline seeking, government contractor that decides he wants to test a new suit for the military that would allow soldiers to drop into specific locations from orbit, undetected. So he does. He lands in an alternate universe very much like the one we live in except for the fact that he’s been dead for five years, good guys are sometimes bad guys, and his best friend is banging his wife. Jack is more Bruce Willis than Sandra Bullock so when the shit hits the fan, it’s time to strap up and start whooping assholes in order to get back to his reality. I love the mix of science fiction and action in this story. Jack’s black ops background allows him the skills to fight, spy, sneak, kill, and use his head in order to get the job done. That said, if this is being picked up by a network television station, it will suck when translated to the small screen. Too much will change. We’ve been here before. And before that. And before that.

Rating: 8/10

SATURN RUN by John Sanford and Ctein

 After the discovery of a starship docking at Saturn, America and China race to make first contact with an alien species.

I love this book. It’s heavy on the science and finds the perfect mix of humor and likable characters to allow you to stop feeling stupid long enough to appreciate the story. What we have here is a solid political drama, a space epic, a sci-fi adventure, and an engaging ensemble all rolled into one fantastic read. America is trying to pull a fast one on China. China is pissed and tries to shove the alien technology up the American buttholes. Nobody knows what to expect to find when (if) they ever get there but both nations are risking everything to get there first. I listened to a 17 hour audiobook version of this story and it felt like I blasted through it in one work shift. I didn’t of course, but there’s no way to describe how fast it made those 500 minivans fly by every night. I was obsessed. The timing isn’t too bad either with the recent speculation of a strange space anomaly that some have considered the possibility of being an alien structure. Who knows whatever the hell that is but the publishers of ‘Saturn Run’ should be all over that shit like face-huggers on word-holes. This is the book of the year for me as it doesn’t disappoint in any aspect. The science is as legit as possible, as told by the author himself in an afterword (not that I would know otherwise), the ending delivers on all the right notes, and it’s as fun and intense as you’d hope.

Rating: 9/10

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Friday Night Law: Review of Aftermath: Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens

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My anticipation for STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS is astronomical yet guarded. We’ve all been here before – new Star Wars, it’s gonna be the best thing ever, holy fucking shit-balls! That didn’t work out for me too great the last time around so I’ve distanced myself from the majority of the hype. I’ll watch official trailers and that’s about it. I’m not buying any magazines with epic articles or watching any 30 second clips online. I want to go in as blind as possible so I’m mentally prepared to be either, blown away, or slapped in the nuts. Again.

Then they announced Aftermath, a book written by Chuck Wendig that will help bridge the gap between RETURN OF THE JEDI and THE FORCE AWAKENS. More importantly, an officially licensed story extending the original timeline. I’m in. Then they announced it was going to be a trilogy. Wait, what? This is the story that happens between JEDI and AWAKENS right? So now it’s a three part arc with two of those parts coming out after AWAKENS comes out? What’s the point of that? It’s going to turn into a prequel one third of the way through? Fucking money hungry cocks. Whatever, I’m still reading it.

Of course, if you know me at all, you know that I listen to audiobooks. Sometimes it adds to the story and makes it a better experience overall – sometimes it ruins everything. There’s no doubt that any hardcore STAR WARS fan is going to want to listen rather than read here. Hearing John Williams’ score kick in at the beginning of this book was glorious. It’s presence throughout keeps you locked within the galaxy. The overall presentation of the book is like an old radio play. If a droid is talking it sounds like a droid, beeps and boops included. Space battle? Get ready to listen to the hum of tie-fighters and x-wings going at it in the background as the narrator continues the story. You can’t get this kind of atmosphere from the written word alone. The presentation here is incredible and would be worth the money alone if it wasn’t for the delivery of the somewhat over-the-top narrator, Marc Thompson. His cheesiness can make you cringe on more than one occasion and there’s a lot of work to be done on his Wookie impersonation. A lot.

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As for the plot itself. To break it down to simplest terms – the Empire is trying to rebuild itself after getting their asses handed to them on and off Endor. The New Republic (what the Rebels are going by these days) are trying to tighten the noose. There’s a top secret meeting of some of the top surviving Imperial diplomats on a outer rim planet named Akiva. A small group of strangers (a rebel, her son, a bounty hunter, an Imperial turncoat, and a battle droid [yes, a fucking battle droid from the prequels]) join forces to try and stop them. That’s it. Aside from some minor interludes, (which I’ll talk about below) there’s no continuing adventures of Han and Chewie. Luke is nowhere to be seen. Leia, Lando, R2, and C3PO are apparently off doing much more important things. I even kept an ear out for some of the new characters. There’s no mention of a Poe, or Kylo, or Captain Phasma. Maybe this is because they’re saving them for later in the trilogy, when we’ve already met them and know some of their fates. Which doesn’t make sense to me in the least.

The book as a whole comes off no better or no worse than the majority of the one-off extended universe novels. It sparked my interest more than those because it’s supposed to be “official”. J.J. Abrams must have signed off on this at one point or another as it is leading into the film. By those standards it’s disappointing. While the ramifications of what happens in this book might be felt throughout the universe, it seems too small to matter overall. The main kid, Temmin Wexley, is as cliched and annoying as the worst child character in the worst action movie. His battle droid is sold as a badass Jar Jar Binks but fails to matter when it counts. The most interesting part of the main plot line is the inclusion of Wedge Antilles, the heroic fan favorite from the original trilogy. It’s Wedge that first comes across the Empire’s intentions but he quickly fades into the background as we’re forced to care about a handful of new characters.

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The most interesting thing about these new characters is their connection to the original films. The Imperial Loyalty officer and the Bounty Hunter first meet through flashback during the battle on Endor. Temmin’s mother, Nora, was in the second Death Star seconds before it exploded. Another fact we get through flashback. It’s these memories that hit home the most and on more than one occasion I was wishing we could get more versions of these different perspectives of iconic events in the past.

As for familiar faces within the present story (SPOILER ALERT FOR CAMEOS IN AFTERMATH) we get Admiral Ackbar all worn out and, in the funniest moments of the book, intentional or not, constantly worried about traps. Mon Mothma drops by to set some people straight. Leia shows up in one of those aforementioned flashbacks and a Galactic issued hologram, describing the events of Endor and the second Death Star to the general public. Han and Chewie have an extended appearance as they struggle to do their job for the New Republic. Boba Fett is mentioned during a battle between bounty hunters and it has to be considered a slap in the face to all those fans that insist he’s still alive. Lando is mentioned, as is Luke, Vader, and The Emperor. R2 and C3PO pop in during a flashback. There’s Stormtroopers aplenty and many of the locations, species, vehicles, and events are things we’re familiar with.

Every moment you get with these beloved characters borderlines on goosebumps, and then they’re gone. That coupled with the fact that none of the main characters here have any real connection with THE FORCE AWAKENS that we know of make you question the importance of what went on here. Is it just another cool story to be told using the most popular universe in the history of pop culture as a background, or is there more meaning to these events than we could possibly know? Time will tell. As for now….

Rating 6/10

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Friday Night Law: The Box Subscription Dilemma

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I just recently ended my first subscription to Loot Crate as a gift from my wife on my birthday. I’ve been toying with the idea of signing up for another three months but can’t find myself pulling the trigger. While I fell in love with the concept and screamed like a little bitch every time the box showed up in the mail, my issues deal with the actual “loot” portion of the Loot Crate. Every month there was one, maybe two, cool things included in each box. Last month I got a Game of Thrones, House Stark flash drive and some Princess Bride playing cards, which were awesome, but the awesome is too far and few between the other stuff jammed into the package (such as an inflatable crown that my kids broke in 3.2 seconds).

I started wondering if there were other such crates. Ones that might pander to my inner geek a little more thoroughly. Um….. yeah, there is. Actually, there’s a shit-load of them. Now the only problem is choosing which one. Help me out.

CLICK ANY HEADER PIC TO VISIT THE SITE

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Marvel’s box is brand new and packed their first shipment with Avenger: Age of Ultron goodies. Seems the best thing about these crates is that every item is guaranteed to be 100% exclusive to subscribers. Here’s a video of the unboxing for April’s entry

Seems cool but I kind of like to spread my geek out a little. Marvel is vast and has a lot of great titles but the next crate is Ant-Man themed and I’m not too sure I want to drop $25 on a box of that. What else we got?

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At $50 these are one of, if not the most, expensive box in my genre. That said, it comes with a lot more stuff for your money. It’s also different from something like Loot Crate because there’s not much surprise involved. You basically can choose what theme you want, look at all the shit that’s included, and then order it whenever you want. That kind of bothers me. As much as I was disappointed by Loot Crate, opening up the box was 99% of the fun. Here’s a shot at some of their most recent boxes.

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Some cool stuff in there for sure but let’s shop around some more.

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Maybe I need some horror themed goodness in my life. This one is $20 a month and comes from the fine folks over at DreadCentral.com. It’s back to the surprises here and the themes seem very random to say the least. Let’s check out an unboxing of one of their recent packages.

Nope. It’s just too random for me and the stuff just doesn’t seem like shit I would keep in my house for longer than a day. Looking through some of their older boxes it’s seems like they’ve had some pretty cool stuff but it’s simply not consistent enough for me. Next.

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Geek Fuel’s stuff seems pretty legit. There’s a good mixture of movies, TV, and video games while throwing in an exclusive t-shirt every month. The price is right, ranging from $24 to $20, depending on how long you subscribe for. Their themes are very similar to Loot Crate’s in that they choose a genre and fill it up with anything that can fit into that category. Here’s a shot of a recent box.

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I fucking love that shirt but most of the other stuff is for things I care less about. It’s hard to be picky when you subscribe to a random mystery box but I want at least 75%-80% of the shit I get to be worthwhile for me. I’m a selfish bastard. Who up?

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We might have a winner here. The only problem is which box to subscribe to. Nerd Block has six separate crates to choose form. There’s Nerd Block Classic, Horror Block, Arcade Block, Comic Block, and a Nerd Block Jr. for girls and for boys. I like a lot of the stuff I’ve been seeing coming out of these boxes. Take a look at this video of possibly the biggest nerd on the planet opening up six boxes in a row.

Before we move on I just want to say that I fucking love that dude. He rubbed me the wrong way for about 10 seconds and then I just wanted to hug him a lot. Bat knife! Anyhoo, see, I told you there was a lot of cool things going on with the Nerd Blocks. The t-shirts were tight, that Star Wars frame was amazing, and the little stuff is cool enough to pass on to my kids.

I think I know which way I’m going. What say you though? Which box would you subscribe to and why?

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