Garrett’s Grumblings – Binge Media as The Howard Stern Show

Here’s an idea for an article that has been moving around inside my head since December of last year. With nothing other than superhero movies to talk about -and trust me, I have plenty to say about this year’s onslaught – I thought I would take a break from movie talk and expouse upon this topic while expanding it into an entire article.

People who have been listening to Binge Media for awhile know that if there is one thing that dildo making Canadian and I have in common, it is that we are both massive fans of The Howard Stern. An undoubtedly influential figure of radio, it is highly doubtful that we would be on the airwaves if it were not for his forward thinking of the medium. Firings, motion pictures, inner office turmoil, a set of satellite radio channels named after him, a gig on America’s Got Talent. There is no doubt that Stern has done it all.

So how does this relate to Binge Media? Well, when I first came here, I found myself thinking that in its own little way, Binge Media is just our own mini version of The Howard Stern Show. Each cast member of our little corner of the internet represents a certain niche. And what I believe Law & Moreno have masterfully done is bring people who can all bring different things, so that each show is a different animal altogether. With all this in mind, I have related each member of the site to certain cast members of Stern’s show as relates to their personalities. So have fun reading how I envision each of us assholes being.

First up –

Jim Law/Howard Stern

The first answer would seem to be the most obvious. Binge Media, for all intents and purposes, is Jim Law’s baby. He and Moreno also have this in common with The King Of All Media: they have been fired from their former employer only to turn it around and make their show that much more entertaining. Listening to Law on the air is a lot like listening to Stern from his heyday for a few different reasons. One, he likes to get different people from the network on and expose their weaknesses in a busting balls kind of way. For example, the last time I was co-hosting the Binge Cast with him, Law played the infamous infomercial about where my 4 on 10 nickname came from. I have a feeling I will never hear the end of that little piece of Binge history. It was almost like when Stern’s former producer KC Armstrong was on the air mentioning how he noticed how ‘frumpy’ Dan Marino’s ass was, mere months after taking a lie detector test to see if he was gay or not. A random quote that will be taken to extraordinarily hilarious depths is how both Howard and Binge Media roll. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Johnny Moreno/Artie Lange

Ok. I may be going out on a limb with this one but hear me out. I understand Moreno has never tried stabbing himself to death or unknowingly slept with a hooker who asked him for $300 in the morning or is doing heroine behind all our backs – at least that I know of. The off the wall, degenerative lifestyle Lange so off handedly depicted is not what I am referring to here. It is Moreno’s way of inflecting his voice while hammered and trying to get a review out which makes me compare him to Lange. Plus, they have both been known to blurt out a side splitting insult or two.

Ammon Gilbert/Richard Christy

People know Richard Christy as a guy who likes to smoke weed and watch horror movies. People know Ammon Gilbert – as a guy who likes to smoke weed and watch horror movies. To the best of my knowledge, Ammon has not done phony phone calls to clock owners who pronounce the word ‘clock’ as ‘cock’ like Richard has. But I have been surprised before.

Jim Kupka/KC Armstrong

This one was a given. I am convinced there are not two more angry people on the planet than KC and Kupka. For those who have only heard The Howard Stern Show from 2004 on, Howard had a producer named KC Armstrong from 1997 – 2004. KC was a unique individual in that he was a jock in college who ended up studying communications. Somehow, he ended up on Howard’s staff, and pretty soon the signs were appearing of  just how angry he was. Armstrong could usually be heard yelling to women in studio to ‘bust those things out’ while trying to convince a woman to take off her top. He would also just yell, and yell angrily. Describe anyone you know?

Mike Batchelor/Stuttering John Melendez

Batch (YAAAHHHHHHHH) is one of those additions to staff who, with both the Binge Gamecast and Sportscast, definitely has a big on air input to the show. But many people don’t know his off air contributions. He has been called on to edit my shows at the very last minute, and has also gotten Luke Norris out of a few jams as well. John…wasn’t that reliable. But the contributions of his off beat celebrity interviews and on air persona -plus some real laugh inducing stammering- made for unique conversations each and every time he was on the air. He also had a big ball of passion about sports, and could often be heard arguing with certain members of the staff about them. Batch is much in the same boat. Though not as confrontational as John, Batch can have an opinion and make sure all of us know about it. And he also stutters. Not really.

Jack Valley/Gary Dell’Abate

Yes. Jack is the official BabaBooey of the Binge Media staff. Seems you listeners have a love/hate relationship with Jack -though it would appear to have swayed more in the love direction since his brilliant Making A Sasquatch series- and Jack revels in both opinions of him. Gary (I hate typing out that dumb last name of his) is much the same way, and he is regularly mocked each time he walks in studio. Jack’s presence, of course, is not to that extreme. But his Patriots love has him spinning that wheel for close to six months each and every year. Gary also got a nickname early on in his time with the show. After mistakenly calling a painting he had bought ‘BabaBooey’ instead of the character’s name BaBa Looey, Gary thought the nickname his ‘Boff’ layed upon him would disappear within a week. Fast forward thirty years later, and he can’t go anywhere without hearing the name yelled at him and his family. In much the same way, if Jack thinks ‘Jack VALLEY is going away anytime soon, he is gravely mistaken about how his ‘Boff’ works things around here.

Luke Norris/Jackie Martling

The final staff member on the list was actually the hardest one for me to do. I went all over the place with Luke, even at one point putting him as Howard’s former producer Scott Einzinger. In the end I went with the endlessly annoying, out for plugs of his stuff former writer Jackie Martling. Now this may seem like an insult, but let me elaborate a bit to try and defend this placement. One, Luke has many other things going on besides his work with Binge, and it sometimes seems like the show is extended five minutes just by advertising his other endeavors. Another example worth noting is Luke’s rants during the infamous five hour BingeCast him and I were on. Jackie would always find himself having to apologize to either his wife (at the time) or the staff themselves for his antics at social gatherings. Luke’s apologized once or twice on the show for things he has done. Though never approaching the annoyance of Martling (I actually LIKE Luke), the comparison would seem to be a stable one.

Garrett Collins/Robin Quivers

Ok, I’ll bite the bullet………………