Bob’s Thirsty Thursdays: Dog Spiders: Moreno Bites the Dust

Last week I had Supka (the dog) using his web slinging abilities to play Frisbee (a totally unfair advantage), and this week… I kill Moreno. Sorry Moreno. See last week’s entry in the DOG SPIDERS phenomenon HERE and enjoy this week’s entry below.

DOG SPIDERS

© BingeMedia (Ammon Gilbert, Jim Law, Johnny Moreno)

Back in LENORE’s apartment (aka The Crazy Cat Lady), it’s reaching early evening and the sun is slowly going down. Lenore is in her living room with all the lights off watching the NBC Nightly News. We see a few cats roaming around the room and in the background, with four of them sharing space on the couch with Lenore.

She watches the TV for a beat and then hears a CRASH and a labored MEOW coming from the other room (the kitchen, to be exact). She looks up from the TV and looks at the cats on the couch—they look back indifferently. There’s another CRASH and more MEOWING, followed by stiff silence. She’s weirded out—gets out and (naturally) goes to investigate.

The kitchen is dark—not pitch black, but dark enough to need a light on (yet no lights are on). In the darkness she sees what appears to be a dog in the middle of the kitchen eating something (sloppy and squishy) on the floor. The TRASH SHOOT in the kitchen is sitting open.

“Hey! Get out of here, damn you! Get out of my kitchen!”

The screaming lady scares the “dog” who jumps into the open door of the TRASH SHOOT and out of site, the door slamming behind it. Lenore flips the light switch so she can assess the damage and see just what it was the dog was eating.

The lights go ON.

Lenore is faced with a bloody mess of meat and chunks of fur on the floor, on the counters, and oozing out of the refrigerator. She can’t believe her eyes—shock begins to take place. Then she looks up so see the biggest horror of all: the entire kitchen’s ceiling is lined with a Giant Spiders Web with somewhere between 10-15 bodies wrapped up in cocoon-like shapes. The bodies are all quite obviously cats. There’s cat corpses in the web on the ceiling, in the corner, and even one dangling from a web from the middle of the room.

Lenore starts screaming bloody murder—equal parts rage and terror.

At the offices of BUG KILLAZ, sits BOB NORK, the company’s owner and full-time desk jockey. He’s older, wearing a washed-out exterminator who pays others to do the dirty work. The phone rings and he picks it up on the third ring.

“Bug Killaz, how can I help you…. Uh-huh….. uh-huh…. Did you say giant spiders? With cats in the web? Uh-huh… Ok, yeah… Ok, sure. Yeah yeah, calm down ma’am, I’m going to send out our finest for this job. Yeap… Ok, see you soon. Bye.”

“Jesus.”

He hangs up and dials a new number. “Hey there Mary Jane, it’s Bob. Yeah. Hey listen, we got a weird call about a giant spider out in your neck of the woods. Do you know a Mrs. Lenore Johnson? She says that a giant spider has infected her house, it’s webs are huge and—get this—her cats are in them. Yeah, flippin’ weird is what it is. Can you check it out? Just think of it as an excuse to go home early. Uh huh… yeah, ok, see you then, MJ Bye!”

Inside the Bug Killaz truck, Mary Jane slams the door shut and starts the engine. She thinks for a beat and gets out of the truck, looking behind her. In the far-off distance we can see The High Life standing tall against the fading horizon, a feel of foreboding doom is seeping from its pores.

She gets back in the truck, starts the engine, flips a U-turn, and guns it towards The High Life.

Inside the truck of Moreno’s Taco Muchacho, Moreno is whistling “La Cucaracha” while frying up some tortillas, browning the meat, and slicing tomatoes. The line has died down outside but it’s the calm before the storm when the real dinner rush kicks in.

Pedro is sitting in the corner of the truck, starring up at Moreno with dead eyes. He starts whimpering and growling with every note of “La Cucaracha”, then it starts to happen: four giant spider legs explode out of his sides; six additional eyes pop open on his forehead, all growing red; and when his mouth opens he reveals a ton of new teeth, sharper and deadlier than ever before.

When Moreno hears the strange sounds of the transformation, he slowly turns his head over to look down at Pedro. Pedro sneers up Moreno and quickly spider-jumps onto Moreno’s face! Moreno screams and panics and flails around the inside of the truck, smashing into pots and pans and bags of chips and tortillas and vegetables and utensils. He grabs Pedro but Pedro has all eight legs wrapped around Moreno’s head—he can’t shake it off!

Moreno blinding reaches out and grabs hold of the handle of the hot frying pan full of meat. He slams it against Pedro’s back a few times until Pedro lets go and jumps off to the ground—before he crawls away up the wall and onto the ceiling, Once on the ceiling he gets ahold of his bearings and gets ready to pounce again.

Moreno staggers back and gets a look at Pedro on the ceiling and can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“Pedro, what’s gotten into you?”

Pedro opens his mouth, shooting a string of web out grabbing ahold of the pan in Moreno’s hand, then yanks it back, flinging it to the other side of the truck. Pedro then bark / spider screams in rage.

“Aye Carumba!”

Moreno turns and dives down into the front cockpit, scrambling into the driver’s seat. The keys are already in the ignition—he starts the car and peals out blindly trying to drive away from Pedro as fast as he can. Only problem is… Pedro is still in the truck!

A group of people walking toward the truck for some early dinner tacos sees the truck speed away towards the fenced park around the back of The High Life. “Hey, what gives? We want tacos!”

The truck smashes through some shrubbery as it speeds off-road, sending dirt and debris recklessly into the air. Moreno is screaming the entire time—he looks up in the rearview mirror and sees Pedro staring at him with his glowing red eyes, still perched the ceiling. Pedro shoots a web at Moreno’s reflection in the mirror. Moreno screams even louder and SLAMS on the breaks as hard as he can.

Pedro the Dog Spider is FLUNG forward from the impact—right into the deep fryer pit! A terrible SCREAM erupts as he completely loses his shit while being burned / fried alive.

Moreno is watching the whole thing in horror from the front seat.

Pedro eventually jumps out, but it’s too late. He’s partly deep-fried, he can barely walk, and he is growling and screaming. He’s full-blown Dog Spider as well—his spider jaw is completely open revealing all of its nasty spider teeth. He’s just as ugly as ever before, but uglier, as he’s now completely burned all over and his skins appears to be melting off. Pedro staggers forward towards Moreno in the driver seat. It’s a pathetic sight.

Moreno feels a sting of remorse and sadness at what his best friend has become. “Pedro…”

In a final effort of life, Pedro lifts his deep-fried head…. And shoots a spray of acidic spider web into Moreno’s face!

Moreno screams and blindly grabs at his face, which is now melting from the acid. In his flailing, he knocks the gear shift into DRIVE and his foot slams on the gas, thrusting the taco truck into overdrive through the park, tearing up the grass and the landscape. The truck is headed straight for a tree!

“Holy frijoles!!!”

The truck crashes into the tree with incredible violence—and instantly EXPLODES in a gigantic ball of flames—then it EXPLODES again once the propane tanks at the back catch fire. It’s the biggest explosion ever allotted to a taco truck in cinematic history.

Cut to Mary Jane driving in the Exterminator truck, headed down the highway. We can see The High Life in the distance ahead—and a stream of heaving smoke rising from just the taco truck crash site to the right of it.

“What the hell…”

Sirens erupt from behind her and she is immediately passed by a string of fire trucks headed towards the emergency, followed by an ambulance and a few police cars.

To be continued….