Bob’s Thirsty Thursdays: Camping, Regular Show, and Beer Snobs

About a year ago the wife and I bought a pop-up tent trailer, a classic Apache from 1969. Compared to other pop-ups from the same era, it was in immaculate shape: new canvas being the big one, which is what typically goes to crap with age. But it wasn’t perfect, and honestly the first few camping trips we took with it last year were horrendous. The crank that was used to raise the roof snapped on our first trip, requiring some mad MacGyver skills to make it useable again. What a pain in my asshole—but at the same time, it was fun. The kids had fun camping in it, we had fun camping in it, and it was still better than tent camping. In the off season, the trailer takes up most of my garage, so much so that I made it a vow to go camping A LOT this summer (after fixing a few things, like the crank), if only to justify buying it in the first place, and storing it all off-season. Seriously, why store the damn thing if we’re only going to use it once or twice a year?

We’ve gone on five camping trips this summer thus far and have at least two other trips planned for August… and since it’s a trailer, we’ll probably go at least one time in September before storing it away for the winter. That’s what I call getting some good use out of this bad boy, and makes storing it totally worth it. And I swear, one of these trips, I’m gonna come across Bigfoot roasting S’mores with Eddie Veder over a campfire and ya’ll are really gonna be sorry you ever talked smack about my mad camping skills (Law and Moreno, I’m talking to you).

Weeks back I fifed about BREADWINNERS being my favorite kid show that’s not really for kids. I take that back. My new favorite “kid” show is REGULAR SHOW. Where the hell have I been? I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to get into this Cartoon Network series, but let me tell you this: REGULAR SHOW is fucking hilarious. Also, it makes me feel like I just smoked a pound a weed every time I watch it, which is kind of awesome. My kids think it’s funny, which is a double-win, but really (and don’t tell them this), I watch that shit well after they’ve gone to bed most nights and laugh my balls off. Who knew a show about a raccoon, a giant Blue Jay, and a cast of other weirdoes would be so great? Seriously, jump on this bandwagon if you haven’t already. You won’t be disappointed.

I love Miller High Life. It is, after all, the Champagne of Beers, and has been since 1903. You know what I don’t love? Beer snobs. These motherfuckers who act like the only good beers out there come in brown bottles, have some fancy-ass label, and cost $9 a six-pack. I fucking hate these people. I will vocally proclaim my love for all things High Life just about everywhere I go, but I don’t go hatin’ on other beers just cause they’re not High Life. I love me a cold PBR or a refreshing Rainier from time to time, and will drink just about any kind of beer, if offered. But Beer Snobs feel like it’s their duty to talk shit about the High Life (or any other “cheap” beer) for no other reason than to be dicks. Listen assholes, there’s nothing you can say that’s going to keep me from living the High Life. Ever. And honestly, if you try to tell me your IPA or Heffeweizen is superior in any way, I will pretty much boycott that beer for eternity. Fuck you and your fancy beer, how about that? I wore a High Life shirt to an Oktoberfest one year and boy did I get some serious snobbery thrown my way. I drank their fancy beers, and even liked some of them, but you didn’t hear me talking shit. And that’s the difference between High Life (or other “cheap” beer lovers) and these fancy pants Beer Snobs: we are OK with the fact that you like paying $7 for a beer (compared to our $3) because it’s a free fucking country and you can do whatever the fuck that makes you feel happy. Beer Snobs on the other hand, only want you to like what they like and if you don’t, you’re wrong. Fascist fucks, is what they are. So you can keep your ESBs and Porters and Stouts and whatever else and shove them up your cornholes, and I’ll sit back and continue to live the High Life, and enjoy the luxurious accommodations of the Champagne of Beers.

For my thoughts on the finale of 24: LIVE ANOTHER DAY, THE FAULT IN OUR STARS (the movie!), and NOAH, tune in to next week’s BingeCast (yup, I’m back, baby!).

And now, for the greatest beer commercial in history. I dare you not to get goose bumps.