A Dose of Terror: Cockneys vs. Zombies

A DOSE OF TERROR: COCKNEYS VS ZOMBIES

By Steve Wood 

If Guy Ritchie decided to make a zombie flick, you’d have something very similar to Cockneys vs. Zombies. This had all the elements which make movies like Lock, Stock and Snatch awesome, but also was original in its own right.

The basic run down is you have a construction crew clearing out rubble of an old building that was just demolished. A couple of guys come across what I would call a vault, marked by King Charles III. Inside is a tomb, but this never comes up again, all that we know is this is the cause of the zombies.

Ray (Alan Ford) owns and operates an old folk’s home which is going into foreclosure, so his grandsons Terry and Andy decide that they will rob a bank to make things right for their “grand-dad”. Once the robbery is complete, though, they exit the bank to mass hysteria on the streets of London.

First and foremost this is a comedy, while it’s not at all scary; it is very, very violent, with some great gore. Of course, we have some lame CGI blood streams and gun shots, but nothing that would really take you out of the movie, and isn’t anything worse than some of The Walking Dead.

On top of all that, the characters are all likable! This was something I was so happy to see considering this being a zombie flick. With the core characters being those involved with the robbery, we’re also following Ray and his group of hilarious old folks trying to survive.

One thing this movie does is acknowledges the fact that these things are zombies, and in a pretty funny sequence, everyone knows they need to be shot in the head, except one guy, who gets bit. There are quite a few funny zombie deaths, actually.

Without question, the best thing about this movie was Alan Ford, who is probably most famous for his role as Brick Top. While he isn’t a gangster in this, he is a WWII vet, and still knows how to handle a machine gun, and is still full of his foul mouthed, cockney slang. Some of the best scenes in the movie come from him and his gang of geezers.

I’m a sucker for anything relating to zombies, and have checked out probably most of the straight to DVD over the past couple of years. This is one genre that I’ll always love and will always hope that something fresh will come to the table. I’d go so far to rank this up with Shaun of The Dead and Dog House, which are my two favorite zombie comedies, because yes, there are quite a few.

So do yourself a favor and check this one out, it’s a shit load of fun.

GRADES

Violence – A

Realism – F

Suspense – D

Nudity – F (some nice eye candy though)