The Weekly Douche: Harry Ellis (Die Hard)

Harry Ellis (Die Hard)

In a decade that defined the cinematic douchebag, none were more absolute than Harry (Hart Bochner). I’ve had STDs that are less irritating than this bearded asshole. Who uses a terrorist attack to their advantage? Harry thinks mediating Hans (Bubby!) and his evil posse will somehow elevate his social and professional status while getting him tons of puss in the immediate future. What he gets is dead. The funny thing is that you feel bad for him when it happens. The guy does nothing but snort cocaine and spew bullshit his entire time on screen and I wanted him to live for some reason. In fact, I would have rather seen Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) take a bullet to the face than Harry. Is that fucked up? Whatever the case, Harry still goes down in history as one of the most prolific douche-buckets in film. His exit might have been a little premature but it was only a matter of time before human nature rids itself of dudes like this. I wish this was the law. Douche Law!

You know you have a guy like this where you work. Slap him in the face tomorrow. I work at an auto factory – there would be a line-up of cocksuckers just waiting to be the hero if we were ever attacked in this manner. It’d be the same guys that sport the wide open shop coats with no shirts on underneath. I love my job.