Why The F*ck Haven’t You Seen…THE BLOOD OF HEROES

THE BLOOD OF HEROES, aka THE SALUTE OF THE JUGGER is without a doubt the best post-apocalyptic, dystopic, sports drama you’ll ever see.  It’s like ROCKY meets MAD MAX with a bit of THE BAD NEWS BEARS thrown in.  Just like the Juggers who play The Game, this badass flick is a dusty, bloody mash-up.  And the cast is ballistic.  We’ve got Rutger Hauer as a grizzled veteran joined by no less than Delroy Lindo, Joan Chen, and Vincent  D’Onofrio amongst other super solid lesser knowns.  The strong performances are only one of the unexpectedly superb offerings that THE BLOOD OF HEROES has in store.

The beating heart that makes this flick work is how awesome The Game is to watch.  Much like ROLLERBALL created an ultraviolent offspring of roller derby, TBOH gives us what essentially boils down to rugby with weapons and dog skulls.  It’s a simple concept; each team has a Quick, a player whose role is to get a dog skull on a spike in the other team’s territory.  The rest of the team using a variety of weaponry tries to protect their Quick, while doing their level best to take out opposing players.  It is violent, messy, and it should be no surprise that players are often crippled or killed.

The brutality of The Game is what gives the young Quick played with impressive ferocity by Joan Chen an opportunity to join up with a travelling band of Juggers.  The group moves from town to town, across a barren wasteland, playing home teams for glory, money and a chance to challenge a team from The League.  Of course the wealthy few run The League, using these warriors as their entertainment.  Most of the members of the group dream of the riches and privilege that comes from getting into The League, while Rutger Hauer’s experienced badass carries a secret that could torpedo their chances.  Honestly, the story doesn’t hit any plot points that will surprise anybody.

Instead, it focuses with laser precision on painting a detailed view of this desolate future; then populates it with characters who feel so real that we care about the journey they’re trying to complete.  But it still all comes down to The Game.  From the timekeeping (stones thrown against a metal plate) to after game advice (don’t fuck another Jugger because wound on wound action is hard to pull off), everything in and around The Game exudes awesomeness.  So much so that it will probably make you want to play.  Fear not because intrepid folks have created a modified version of it to play in the real world, and you will probably hit google looking for the nearest group as soon as you finish watching.

So do yourself a favor and cue up a good time with this criminally overlooked bastard child of amazingness.

If you don’t you’re probably a: pussy/ass/dick/BOOB!