GAME OF THRONES (S3) EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SPOILERS AHEAD
Arya Stark would love nothing more than to cave in The Hound’s skull. The Hound doesn’t mind though. In fact, he tells her he’ll give her one chance to kill him, but if she doesn’t, he’ll break both her arms. She relents and they start their trek to The Twins for her uncle’s wedding. Fans of Arya Stark may be a little disappointed with the lack of screen time, but in A Storm of Swords, she basically roams the countryside with The Hound. Her arc at the conclusion of the book has some pretty great moments, so Arya fans definitely have something to look forward to.
It’s been a while since we had a Dany heavy episode, and this one delivers. Dany is still amassing an army and treats with the sellsword captains (and lieutenant) of the Second Sons in an effort to win them over to her side. She’s once again insulted and not taken seriously, but that’s what we love about Dany. She’s the underdog, and who doesn’t love the underdog? Later on, the three sellswords discuss their options and find themselves divided on how to go about it. Daario, the one who argued against killing Dany, brings her the heads of the other two captains and swears his allegiance to her cause. All the while, she’s standing there naked. It took a season and a half, but we finally get some Dany nekkidness.
Melisandre brings Gendry to King Stannis, who gives the boy (his nephew) the once over and says, “Half Robert, half whore.” If I’m Gendry, I’m thinking, “Did he just call my momma a whore?” Yes. Yes he did. Melisandre pulls the ol’ switcheroo by seducing Gendry into bed and riding him, then tying him to the bed and leeching him for his “king’s blood.” Did she have to leech his cock though? That just seems really rude. Mel uses his king’s blood so that Stannis can issue death warrants on all the other kings by naming each leech a different king (Robb, Joff, etc.) and tossing it into the fire. Meanwhile, Gendry is still tied up with his leechy cock being all bleedy.
It’s the morning of Tyrion and Sansa’s wedding and the show does a pretty good job of showing how uncomfortable this whole arranged marriage is. Sansa obviously doesn’t want to marry a dwarf. Tyrion knows that she doesn’t want to be married to a dwarf. King Joffrey (writing that makes me want to puke) also knows this, and in one of the biggest dick moves of the entire series, removes the step stool that would allow Tyrion to drape the Lannister cloak on Sansa’s shoulders. So he has her kneel, while the entire crowd laughs, Joffrey the loudest. He also walks Sansa to Tyrion, saying that is his duty since she doesn’t have father and he’s, “father of the realm.” Gross. Cersei and Margaery share a great moment when the young Tyrell girl calls the Queen her “sister” and Cersei explains the origin of “The Rains of Castamere,” a song written about how badass her father Tywin is. If Margaery didn’t get the thinly veiled threat, Cersei hammers it home by calmly stating, “If you ever call me sister again, I’ll have you strangled in your sleep.”
Tyrion resolves to get completely shitfaced at the wedding, drowning his sorrow with multiple glasses of wine. So, it’s like every wedding? Cool. Joffrey casually mentions to Sansa that maybe later, he’ll come into her bed when Tyrion is passed out drunk. This “father of the realm” thing is getting creepy. Tywin tells Tyrion that he must get Sansa pregnant quickly in order to strengthen their political power (Sansa is heir to Winterfell). King Joffrey (I’m just doing it to annoy myself now) calls for the bedding ritual, in which the men carry the bride to the bed chamber and strip her naked, and the women do the same for groom. Tyrion, pissed off and hammered, makes a threat towards Joff with his dagger, silencing the entire room. The new couple find themselves in their bed chamber where Tyrion vows to never touch her unless she wants to. What if that’s never, Sansa asks. Tyrion, dejected, mutters, “And now my watch begins,” a reference to the Night’s Watch vows. He then passes out on the couch. Give him a fucking handjob or something. Wait, she’s 14. Never mind!
Finally, Sam and Gilly seek shelter in an old cabin on their way to The Wall. After some small talk, they’re distracted by the amount of ravens in the heart tree outside. What’s that? A white walker. Sam’s ready to defend Gilly and the baby. The white walker obliterates the sword and bitch slaps Sam to get to Gilly. Remembering his obsidian dagger, he takes it out and plunges it into the wight’s back, killing it. Fucking bad ass.
This was a fantastic episode. I loved the wedding scene, which was one of my favorites in the book because Tyrion is such a drunken lout and King Joffrey is such an uber cock. With only two more episodes left, things are going to start coming together (and falling apart) in spectacular fashion.
D_Luis
May 20, 2013 @ 7:52 pm
The ending of this episode had me screaming at the tv saying “go back and pick up the dagger you fatass!” Fucking Sam!
D_Luis
May 20, 2013 @ 7:54 pm
Plus look at Joffrey’s face in that capture, he needs to be slapped silly.
Floyd
May 21, 2013 @ 1:34 am
http://i.imgur.com/kX7Egei.gif
DigitalDraft
May 21, 2013 @ 1:24 am
And the award for biggest douche bag goes too!
Floyd
May 21, 2013 @ 1:34 am
i give this episode 7/10 boobies
Floyd
May 22, 2013 @ 2:35 am
Where is the podcast dickheads